tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2358335546121529622024-03-13T10:22:13.935-04:00My Complete Lack of Boundaries.Because there is no such thing as Too Much Information.Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.comBlogger234125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-56330900288419908392019-03-05T09:47:00.000-05:002019-03-05T09:47:50.828-05:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;">So, picking up as if four years haven’t passed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Did I tell you guys we got a new cat over two years ago? Her name is Mickey (yes, named after my mother) but we occasionally call her Mertz, Weirdo and Shadow Killer. Our other animals are unable to keep their faces out of her butt. Apparently it is the most amazing smelling thing in the universe. I have not tested this theory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I cut my hair super short and then grew it out again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I started working at Yoka, my happy place, my Cheers, my financial downfall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My neighbour Daisy passed away at age 90. I still think about her. She left everything to her church, who sold the house which was subsequently torn down. The new house will be… not to my taste, let’s say. There was a cease and desist posted for the building because they exceeded their height and did something weird with their foundation which I don’t understand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Crash Test Dummies are back on the road, here and there. It’s fun, but really quite exhausting. I’m not 25 anymore. Apparently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have gone to visit my mom as often as I can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tqzyY2HZVXg/XH6J7Eimz8I/AAAAAAAAIlA/IXh0jS-t7C8jVeSKJmEda9P-z8RDSwFQwCLcBGAs/s1600/ellen%2Band%2Bmom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="954" data-original-width="1600" height="380" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tqzyY2HZVXg/XH6J7Eimz8I/AAAAAAAAIlA/IXh0jS-t7C8jVeSKJmEda9P-z8RDSwFQwCLcBGAs/s640/ellen%2Band%2Bmom.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I got that wicked flu in 2017 and will henceforth be getting a flu shot because I never want to have to go through that again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I lost five pounds and gained them back. Several times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We put a moratorium on Vector in the house. Brian lost 7 pounds. I just ate more bread.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And a bunch of other stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-38656292325669640702015-07-10T08:39:00.000-04:002015-07-10T08:40:21.713-04:00Foodie Friday - Vegan Lemon Macaron<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My brother in law is visiting us this week. He is a nice young man. He is very funny. He works in Abu Dhabi. He is young enough to be my son and I treat him accordingly, constantly pushing food at him, asking if he's warm enough and telling him to turn on a light when he's reading for pity's sake.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">He has a delightful wife who I am proud to call sister-in-law. Her name is Rebecca.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is them.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TvX5yw5QqmY/VZ7g_ePrGrI/AAAAAAAAIgg/lEugcSn8xmI/s1600/Mike%2Band%2BRebecca.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TvX5yw5QqmY/VZ7g_ePrGrI/AAAAAAAAIgg/lEugcSn8xmI/s640/Mike%2Band%2BRebecca.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rebecca is full of lots of positive energy. She is tiny. She can fit in my pocket. When she walks she makes little fairy noises that go <i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ping, doot, tinkle.</span></i> That's how cute she is. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">She has an identical twin sister so I imagine when they walk together it's like wind chimes and tiny New Year's horns. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I walk I make old lady sounds.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CL3eJ8AX91k/VZ7hHRP8_fI/AAAAAAAAIgw/u4rZM2b45vs/s1600/me%2Bwalking%2Bwith%2BRebecca.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CL3eJ8AX91k/VZ7hHRP8_fI/AAAAAAAAIgw/u4rZM2b45vs/s640/me%2Bwalking%2Bwith%2BRebecca.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rebecca is a pastry chef. She makes full on wedding cakes and Taj Mahals out of spun sugar and stuff. So I was very excited when she agreed to help me with trying out the new vegan miracle ingredient "aquafaba" in making vegan macaron.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Aquafaba just means bean water, but when you say it in Italian, it sounds more like a food and not like something for the drain.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I tried making them before on my own, and while the results were tasty (if a little too sweet for even me), aesthetically ... well, let's just say I wouldn't have shown them to Ryan.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ILWxuO1bEVc/VZ7uyVUgDnI/AAAAAAAAIiM/IxhgaOL1bnw/s1600/IMG_5694.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ILWxuO1bEVc/VZ7uyVUgDnI/AAAAAAAAIiM/IxhgaOL1bnw/s640/IMG_5694.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I got the original recipe from <a href="http://looseleafvegan.blogspot.ca/2015/05/mocha-raspberry-macaroons.html" target="_blank">this nice lady</a>, but for my second attempt, I just riffed off that recipe and made lemon macaron that were very lovely indeed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rebecca was impressed that the chickpea brine whipped up so much like egg whites.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FhkBbpXd4-A/VZ7rH_eUM4I/AAAAAAAAIh0/Fvn6TqbGzjg/s1600/IMG_5692.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FhkBbpXd4-A/VZ7rH_eUM4I/AAAAAAAAIh0/Fvn6TqbGzjg/s640/IMG_5692.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This was her face when that happened.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3pvSVDayyc8/VZ7hJJnU39I/AAAAAAAAIg4/lXBXFW4o6Uc/s1600/Rebecca%2Ber%2Bmer%2Bgerd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3pvSVDayyc8/VZ7hJJnU39I/AAAAAAAAIg4/lXBXFW4o6Uc/s640/Rebecca%2Ber%2Bmer%2Bgerd.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then we carefully folded in the dry ingredients</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XO5ez0CWeEI/VZ7rFyoAVBI/AAAAAAAAIhY/ynZQ0R_Cz_0/s1600/IMG_5691.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XO5ez0CWeEI/VZ7rFyoAVBI/AAAAAAAAIhY/ynZQ0R_Cz_0/s640/IMG_5691.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She tried to teach me how to pipe the macaron batter within little circles she had stencilled onto the parchment paper.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pHMGM0YE7hQ/VZ7rEkNRHGI/AAAAAAAAIhM/4Td_TDrkvDU/s1600/IMG_5688.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pHMGM0YE7hQ/VZ7rEkNRHGI/AAAAAAAAIhM/4Td_TDrkvDU/s640/IMG_5688.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See how gleefully I fail?</td></tr>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--Y4_uXTCoTI/VZ7rEoO8q4I/AAAAAAAAIhI/K-60bXx4na8/s1600/IMG_5687.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--Y4_uXTCoTI/VZ7rEoO8q4I/AAAAAAAAIhI/K-60bXx4na8/s640/IMG_5687.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The results, well, they were magical. They even had, what Rebecca referred to as "a foot" which is the little ledge that is formed on the bottom of the cookie while it is baking. And Rebecca says that she can not tell the difference between the deliciousness of a vegan macaron and a regular old macaron.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I was impressed, too, with how well they turned out. </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z7Zg3b1tJ3A/VZ7hBVYX05I/AAAAAAAAIgo/RqlAleRyqfs/s1600/Ellen%2Bcalm%2Bon%2Bthe%2Boutside.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z7Zg3b1tJ3A/VZ7hBVYX05I/AAAAAAAAIgo/RqlAleRyqfs/s640/Ellen%2Bcalm%2Bon%2Bthe%2Boutside.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Go ahead, be amazed.</span><br />
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<h2>
Lemon Macaron (adapted from a recipe from <a href="http://looseleafvegan.blogspot.ca/2015/05/mocha-raspberry-macaroons.html" target="_blank">here</a>)</h2>
<br />
<h3>
Ingredients</h3>
<br />
liquid from one can of chickpeas (540 ml or 19 fl oz)<br />
1.25 C ground almonds (I got mine at Bulk Barn)<br />
1.5 C icing sugar (Redpath is vegan)<br />
.5 C granulated sugar<br />
1 Tablespoon lemon extract (or less if you want a more subtle taste)<br />
<br />
lemon icing (recipe below)<br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-size: small;">
Instructions</span></h3>
<br />
line baking sheets with parchment paper. You can trace circles onto on side of the paper to act as a piping guide. Just make sure to have the side you draw on facing down.<br />
<br />
1. Drain chickpeas, saving brine in a small saucepan. Use chickpeas for another recipe. You can even freeze them if you're not feeling like hummus right now.<br />
<br />
2. Bring chickpea brine to a boil and simmer until liquid has reduced to about 1/3 Cup. remove from heat and allow to cool to room temperature.<br />
<br />
3. Combine your almond flour and icing sugar. I sifted my icing sugar to get rid of any lumps. Set aside.<br />
<br />
preheat oven to 200 C<br />
<br />
4. When chickpea brine is cooled, put in the bowl of a mixer and mix with whip attachment on high for about 5 minutes, until stiff peaks form. Then, gradually add the granulated sugar and whip on high for another 2 minutes. Fold in lemon extract.<br />
<br />
5. Carefully fold in almond and sugar mixture. When just combined, you have to do 15-20 fold overs where you press a spatula into the mixture, against the side of the bowl and then scrape and fold it over onto itself. I did 17 turns. You can't do it too many times or the batter will collapse.<br />
<br />
5. Fill goop into pastry bag fitted with wide round tip. We just used the open end of the pastry bag because I didn't have the proper sized tip. Pipe into small, equal sized circles onto prepared baking sheets.<br />
<br />
6. Hold pan in one hand, and with the other, knock on the bottom of the pan under the piped circles, tilting the pan back and forth while you do so. We did this for a solid minute. This is what Rebecca says to do. The original recipe I used says to hold the pan at chest height and drop the pan onto a counter two or three times. The tilt and knock version feels more pro. And you want to be a pro, right?<br />
<br />
7. Pop pans into preheated oven for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes turn off the oven, but leave the macarons in the oven. After another 15 minutes, open the oven door, but keep the pans in there, still.<br />
After that's done you can take the pans out of the oven and let the macarons cool completely.<br />
<br />
8. Ice the underside of one cookie with a bit of lemon frosting and sandwich with another, similar shaped cookie. Rebecca's were all the same size. Mine were more, you know, um, whimsical.<br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-size: small;">
Lemon Icing.</span></h3>
2 or 3 T vegan margarine (I just did, you know, whatever)<br />
1 - 1.5 C icing sugar.<br />
finely grated rind of one lemon<br />
juice from one half of a lemon<br />
yellow food colouring, if desired.<br />
<br />
Whip together until combined. If necessary, thin with a few teaspoons of non-dairy milk, until you have the desired consistency.<br />
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Amaze friends and loved ones with your bean juice cookies. Screw you France! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Just kidding. I love you France.</span><br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-48056243176991834552015-06-08T18:35:00.000-04:002015-06-09T13:11:32.463-04:00Bedtime Story (for adults that need to calm the $#%& down!)You know how sometimes you just want to be a kid again? No stresses, no worries?<br />
<br />
I want this. All. The. Time.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I just want someone to tuck me in to bed and smooth my hair and then tell me a nice bedtime story. But not like the books we read when we are grown up, about women abducted by serial killers, or guys with sex dungeons, or gods of small things.<br />
<br />
No, sometimes (all the time) I want a story with no conflict and nothing but happiness and rainbows.<br />
<br />
So I put it out to Facebook that this is what I wanted.<br />
<br />
And my friend Megan delivered.<br />
<br />
Here is the story Megan wrote for me to calm me the $&%* down. I hope you like it. I read it every night before bed.<br />
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<span style="color: #e06666;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8O6yqMWZRmM/VXX2AJ-vqmI/AAAAAAAAIfI/er6pQZpyuHs/s1600/title.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8O6yqMWZRmM/VXX2AJ-vqmI/AAAAAAAAIfI/er6pQZpyuHs/s640/title.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<!--StartFragment--><span style="color: purple; font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica;">A</span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> quacky duck and a fuzzy
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: purple;">The piglet would regale his friends with esoteric bits
of knowledge about marmalade, of which he was quite fond, and the duck and
chick listened happily while in their minds they were thinking ahead to the
nice lunch they would have together.</span><span style="color: #10131a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;">They generally took turns
making lunch: the duck excelled at watercress sandwiches with a little bit of
vegan mayo; the chick made a killer gluten and dairy-free quiche; and the
piglet was a dab-hand at vegan rancheros. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #10131a;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><!--EndFragment--><span style="color: #10131a;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;">
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<!--StartFragment-->If their friend, the kitten
had the day off from his job at the kitten kindergarten, he would join the trio
and bring a thermos of tea<!--EndFragment--> </span><br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lTzsgprrwdc/VXYXqy9ZLcI/AAAAAAAAIf4/tjsAxRLZGC8/s1600/Mr%2BMittens%2Bet%2Bal%2Bpark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lTzsgprrwdc/VXYXqy9ZLcI/AAAAAAAAIf4/tjsAxRLZGC8/s640/Mr%2BMittens%2Bet%2Bal%2Bpark.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"> <span style="color: #10131a;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well, that's all we've got so far. If you want more, we'll just have to badger Megan into pouring more treacle down our throats. Admit it, this made you feel better, didn't it?</span></span></span>
<span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #10131a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: xx-small;">original candy store photo by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/matthigh/2566075773/in/photolist-4UKNVK-7nsbzZ-bkLDWB-e1Ghnh-7J2Gz-7LstEz-aBmPde-mHnng-bAsCjH-6qHcTW-bCUzZs-bCUz11-9RWUT9-aCQLvz-9TGDx-9TGDb-9TGDF-9TGE8-9TGDU-9TGD1-9TGEj-9gC2Jr-65XBD-65XAF-pTMwje-9kzkuM-9YbREe-77VdCT-37Xijz-bCUDHL-bRPn8x-bCUBJo-39AUdK-bRPhsR-bCUASA-bCUxCN-CB56m-GAx9v-CB6RK-qsSzHo-8YnwsB-7xWrnJ-fA2e5m-d2HaCq-74q4V2-dXzBEH-2a6p1U-5Kgoih-87daKS-BgbXD/" target="_blank">mlhradio</a></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #10131a; font-size: xx-small;">original park photo by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/artolog/143096795/in/photolist-dDpG8-a3UCP3-9Vaybk-osphHM-9VawRH-9Vdh9G-dgn8HJ-a3RK6P-cTu3Qb-9VdhtG-m9Q6QX-a2haMS-cTu2ef-cTu3xf-9Vdmr3-a23qsn-8UfjVb-r6zceu-9awWQg-fdYBzz-a3RLBP-a4MFqy-c6h5vQ-ekVwUs-a3RNHX-fMmBMK-a3UvXm-cTu3Gy-r6TPHM-9Vaxdx-7oJhdd-c6gso5-9VauZc-a7iYLj-e2Cf4L-cEPkBU-qe9jzW-dGRMn2-dUojWo-9VdnYs-kU2dKg-odmE5s-d5jQyG-9Vdm69-ac7hSU-ayQuDB-4Tb5TL-9VbD7s-bYyuxy-9Vdk5Y" target="_blank">Art Siegel</a></span></div>
Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-22200847463873393022015-04-23T10:34:00.002-04:002015-04-23T10:44:30.018-04:00Vacationus HorribilusOk. I will state for the record that I am a lucky monkey who doesn't have the right to complain about anything and I am very fortunate and first world problems and what about the children, blah blah blah. We've got that over with, ok? I get it. But I need to tell you about my less than perfect luxury vacation.<br />
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I can't call it a horrible vacation, because there were nice moments. Moments.</div>
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When we left Toronto, I had the beginnings of a cold. By the time we'd checked into our room, I had a block of cement mucus in my sinus cavity and a fever. You know how the world is slightly off kilter when you have a fever? Ya, I had that. I was literally stumbling around the resort, which, thankfully, went unnoticed, because that is what most people do at these places. But I wasn't stumbling from the mojitos.<br />
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Some people slather themselves with suntan lotion whilst on holiday. I slathered myself with Vicks Vap-o-rub. Yes, I bring Vicks Vap-o-rub with me on vacation.</div>
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Number of days of torrential rains: 3.5</div>
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Highest temperature reached during our week in Cuba: 25C. With windchill it felt more like 15C. Seriously.</div>
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The number of vegan options on the menu in our section of the resort: 0</div>
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There was one vegetarian option. I ate a lot of french fries and papaya</div>
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The number of near-panic attacks I had fuelled by my fever and my super exciting imagination: 3</div>
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The number of full on panic attacks in which I was scared that I might die, or even worse, I might throw up in public: 2<br />
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Number of nights I lay awake scared that Brian was going to die: 1</div>
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Number of nights I lay awake wondering what I would do in case of tsunami: 1</div>
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Number of minutes spent in pool: 10<br />
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Number of minutes spent in pool before I got a sunburn: 2</div>
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Number of minutes spent in ocean: 2</div>
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Number of sea urchins that stung Brian on the bottom of his foot: 1, but it was really big and mean.</div>
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Number of hours Brian worried that his leg might have to come off due to sting from really mean sea urchin: 4</div>
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Number of times Brian sighed because he wasn't able to go on epic countryside runs because of foot swollen after sting from really mean sea urchin: 453<br />
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Topics of conversation favoured by Brian, other than not being able to go for a countryside run : 0</div>
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Topics of conversation favoured by Ellen, other than current panic attacks being experienced: 0</div>
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Number of room service meals ordered because not being in pyjamas was just not an option: 4</div>
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Number of activities other than looking for weird inbred resort cats favoured by Ellen: 0<br />
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Number of days into vacation when we began missing the pets and wondering what they were thinking: 2 minutes.<br />
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Number of days into vacation where we started to want to go home. 2<br />
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Sick as crap, sunburned, panicking and sad.<br />
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The nicest moment on the trip was when Brian and I looked deep in to each other's eyes and knew, really knew, that we were both having an equally crappy time. it's things like this that make a marriage last.<br />
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So we are thinking maybe next year we might enjoy a staycation. Significantly less luxurious but at least we will get what we pay for.<br />
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Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-33486304632756711562015-04-08T13:18:00.001-04:002015-04-14T07:46:04.444-04:00Bathtub of Horror<br />
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Like most people, I enjoy a good soak in the tub. It's not about getting clean, because, really, you are just sitting in a soup of your own skin cells and hair and fart bubbles. No, if you want clean, take a shower. Bath time is for relaxing and for getting your body back up to normal temperature after having too much frozen smoothie.<br />
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In all the apartments I've lived in I've had horrible little 4 foot long tubs where I had to choose between my shoulders or my knees being in the water, unable to stretch out. So, if my shoulders were warm, then my knees were cold and wet, waiting their turn in the soak.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XH6RWKFiegg/VSVQgP2dLtI/AAAAAAAAIcE/EJ2IUe4X8LQ/s1600/Ellen%2Btiny%2Btub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XH6RWKFiegg/VSVQgP2dLtI/AAAAAAAAIcE/EJ2IUe4X8LQ/s1600/Ellen%2Btiny%2Btub.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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When I was able to buy my first condo, I was thrilled that it came with a soaker sized jacuzzi tub! Oh the relaxing times I would have with a book and a glass of wine. Just like they show women in the movies when they want "me" time.<br />
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Or "Look At Me" time.<br />
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Word to the wise, don't spend extra on the jacuzzi tub. That thing sounds like you're sitting next to a jet engine and really doesn't do much more than make you super annoyed and stressed. Ahhhh, I think I'll take a long soaky bath in this screaming water belcher. Not so much.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gi86saJHiZ8/VSVS0Cez_TI/AAAAAAAAIcQ/r58iZdaULcw/s1600/ELLEN%2BLOUD%2BTUB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gi86saJHiZ8/VSVS0Cez_TI/AAAAAAAAIcQ/r58iZdaULcw/s1600/ELLEN%2BLOUD%2BTUB.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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I have a friend who once had a huge, round jacuzzi tub that had, like, disco lights in it, and a sound system. I felt my life meaningless whenever I saw that tub.<br />
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When Weirdo and I bought the house we are in now, again, it came with a jacuzzi tub in the ensuite. It was a good soaker length, so I knew I'd be able to fit my monkey arms and legs in and everyone would be happy and toasty, even if I knew enough to avoid the jacuzzi option.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">la la la la la la la la la la</td></tr>
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Except by the time it makes its way to the top floor, There is only enough hot water to fill the tub about 25%. And then the rest is tepid, and then plain cold, water. They call this "energy efficiency". I call it straight up hateful. I had to bring a kettle up and boil water several times, adding it to the cooling water, just to get the tub at a temperature where I wasn't having shivering fits while hugging my knees. It wasn't perfect but it worked.<br />
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Until I realized that millipedes had set up light housekeeping in the jacuzzi jets of the tub.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this effing thing</td></tr>
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So finally I am laying back in the tub, the cares of the day floating away, getting my body temperature to just above reptile, and next to me I spy a little floaty friend with a billion horrifying legs, and razor sharp jaws (probably).<br />
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I removed myself from the tub.<br />
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Just a one off, perhaps? No. They live in my freaking bath tub. Whole families. Generations of creepy alien insects. A veritable Forsyth Saga of Shuddering.<br />
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So I no longer take baths because it's too cold, and too damned terrifying<br />
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The cats are fascinated, though, and will sit inside the tub, staring at the nozel like its full of (billion legged) cat treats.<br />
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Once in awhile they catch one and I will find only a few rogue icky legs, that might be mistaken for leg hairs, but really aren't.<br />
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It's only showers for me, sadly. So I am clean, but cold and unhappy.<br />
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There is no God.</div>
Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-35035927879877120122015-02-01T18:53:00.000-05:002015-02-01T18:53:50.425-05:00Hi again.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_ODhElXTmgc/VM63x8xHODI/AAAAAAAAIYw/yXDC0Im865g/s1600/ellen%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_ODhElXTmgc/VM63x8xHODI/AAAAAAAAIYw/yXDC0Im865g/s1600/ellen%2B1.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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So some woman I don't even know asked me today if I was ever going to post again. She is a quilter I met on Facebook. I have no idea how we are connected. I do not quilt. I have more quilter friends on Facebook than I do, say, people I know from my high school. What I have learned is that quilters are super intense about quilting and they like wine. Anyway, she's a nice lady and so, Teri, you weird stranger, here you are. A new post. And it only took me ten months and one friendly nudge.<br />
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So you're probably wondering what I've been up to. Probably thinking I'm writing a new album, a novel. Maybe I've been travelling. Digging wells in Botswana. Being a volunteer fire fighter.<br />
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Nah. I've been watching TV and eating rice crackers.
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But some stuff has happened. I'll get you caught up.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SqIatNv2By8/VM63rPT2uAI/AAAAAAAAIYU/1654qMaHT24/s1600/mertz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SqIatNv2By8/VM63rPT2uAI/AAAAAAAAIYU/1654qMaHT24/s1600/mertz.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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We got a new cat. A friend of mine who is way, way more vegan than me, had a cat that needed rescuing. Needed rescuing real hard. So, despite Brian's fear of black cats, we took on our third cat. We named her Mickey, after my mom. But we call her Mertz because that's the sound she makes. Pretty much nonstop. Especially in the early early morning time. She is now Brian's favourite. He says all other cats in the world suck compared to Mickey/Mertz.<br />
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My friend Bill and I did a fundraiser concert in support of Happily Ever Esther, the new farm animal sanctuary for Esther the Wonder Pig and her farm friends. It was my first solo show in, um, 14 years. I was nervous, but we had fun and we sold out 2 shows and with the help of some generous donations of raffle prizes, we raised over $3000.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fWbA3NkhpHo/VM63vQXxDII/AAAAAAAAIYk/VeyVqAS_7X8/s1600/fundraiser.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fWbA3NkhpHo/VM63vQXxDII/AAAAAAAAIYk/VeyVqAS_7X8/s1600/fundraiser.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I cry for the animals.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Went to Cancun with my friend who exercises a lot and is super hot. She's also smart and funny and nice, so I didn't fill her bikinis with sand and scorpions. She was also kind enough to hold my hand while I had a panic attack for no reason. I'm super fun to travel with.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fn3tbCQD4KM/VM63x6jLJWI/AAAAAAAAIYs/Azg0HE4qkRQ/s1600/e%2Band%2Bn%2Bcancun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fn3tbCQD4KM/VM63x6jLJWI/AAAAAAAAIYs/Azg0HE4qkRQ/s1600/e%2Band%2Bn%2Bcancun.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">those are defined abs on my friend. It is not an appendectomy scar.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
I had some quality nose picking time.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--XQPXPrXO0c/VM63n647XnI/AAAAAAAAIYM/DqNMLZGPvuc/s1600/nose%2Bpick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--XQPXPrXO0c/VM63n647XnI/AAAAAAAAIYM/DqNMLZGPvuc/s1600/nose%2Bpick.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
I watched some excellent tv and read a couple books.<br />
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I learned a new term for the tiny bathing suits that older, overweight men wear: Budgie Smugglers<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-utKNmpLbqjg/VM632AT95hI/AAAAAAAAIZE/wRI4BnLRaxA/s1600/budgie%2Bsmuggler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-utKNmpLbqjg/VM632AT95hI/AAAAAAAAIZE/wRI4BnLRaxA/s1600/budgie%2Bsmuggler.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
I continue to stalk Castle. Not Nathan Fillion. I'm mad at him because he ignores my Twitter shout outs. But the character he plays on TV still gets all my lovin'. I'm a bit concerned that the show has jumped the shark, but I will continue to watch. Because love is like that.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oiZ9NYEFWUA/VM65ZeX5WsI/AAAAAAAAIZQ/OJwZRCVp5O4/s1600/ignoring%2BFillion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oiZ9NYEFWUA/VM65ZeX5WsI/AAAAAAAAIZQ/OJwZRCVp5O4/s1600/ignoring%2BFillion.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></div>
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Bill and I did a show at Christmas. We had special guests join us, including the amazing Peter Lebuis and Megan Saunders and Paula Henry. We sang the songs from the old days.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nKlGZET2YxI/VM6301q9LEI/AAAAAAAAIY8/N2_SD_sYlCw/s1600/Dec%2Bconcert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nKlGZET2YxI/VM6301q9LEI/AAAAAAAAIY8/N2_SD_sYlCw/s1600/Dec%2Bconcert.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fa la la la la</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I went to visit my mom.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-26jhNHKhfNw/VM63tJxcCbI/AAAAAAAAIYc/MLy8hvuxP_Y/s1600/ellen%2Band%2Bmom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-26jhNHKhfNw/VM63tJxcCbI/AAAAAAAAIYc/MLy8hvuxP_Y/s1600/ellen%2Band%2Bmom.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></div>
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I somehow acquired 8 new quilter friends on Facebook. Who the hell are these people?<br />
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I continued to not care about sports.<br />
<br />
That's about it.<br />
<br />
Ok.<br />
<br />
See you in 10 months.<br />
<br />
Here is a poem.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kFlrukl3XOg/VM63mr7Fs8I/AAAAAAAAIYE/QmWRy202UMo/s1600/poem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kFlrukl3XOg/VM63mr7Fs8I/AAAAAAAAIYE/QmWRy202UMo/s1600/poem.jpg" height="382" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-65658950330732954612014-04-14T12:53:00.000-04:002014-04-14T12:58:42.370-04:00Happy Veganniversary!<span style="font-size: large;">It is two year today since I ditched eating animals and went all vegan.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Best. Decision. Ever.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I feel better than I did before- no more bloating, constipation, or raw-chicken-phobia-inspired panic attacks. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I do better than I did before - learning about veganism and factory farming made me more aware of other social issues in the world, not limited to those related to animal agriculture. Accepting that all living beings want the same basic things as humans, to live, makes me feel humble and more connected to others. It's also made me more willing to stand up for myself and speak my mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My friends and family continue to be incredibly supportive, going out of their way to make sure I am accommodated when we dine out. </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c4vHcIO5E-k/U0wOoGj8MfI/AAAAAAAAHWI/ao2sgNLXpcA/s1600/gonna+eat+your+bread%3f1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c4vHcIO5E-k/U0wOoGj8MfI/AAAAAAAAHWI/ao2sgNLXpcA/s1600/gonna+eat+your+bread%3f1.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Never a rolled eye or a "get over it already". They are solid and I love them. Thank you for putting up with my vegangelizing! </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ueTd9r2zdlM/U0wOoBecX0I/AAAAAAAAHWE/2DcSDrdUDfA/s1600/extra+vegan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ueTd9r2zdlM/U0wOoBecX0I/AAAAAAAAHWE/2DcSDrdUDfA/s1600/extra+vegan.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've met a few new vegan friends who are totally ok with my vegangelizing. We sometimes hang out. It's all pretty normal, ya.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yfr-NPB5DAk/U0wOzzeK33I/AAAAAAAAHWU/PA8c0bkivjA/s1600/vegan+chat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yfr-NPB5DAk/U0wOzzeK33I/AAAAAAAAHWU/PA8c0bkivjA/s1600/vegan+chat.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">For today's veganniversary I was going to make something super fancy and spectacular and post it here, to illustrate how amazing vegan food can be. But then I got a freaking awful cold, and all I want is soup.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So I made this soup, which I call Potassium Soup. It has lots of potassium in it. I think it's probably good for you and stuff.</span><br />
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<h4>
<b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;">Ellen's Potassium Blast Veggie and Bean Soup</span></b></h4>
<h4>
1 onion, diced<br />4 or 5 cloves garlic, minced<br />olive oil, 1 or 2 Tbs ( I use a little of the oil from the sundried tomatoes)<br />tomato paste, 1 of those small little tins - ya, the whole thing.<br />sundried tomatoes, oil packed, about 2 Tbs, or more if you like<br />thyme, rosemary, basil, and oregano. 1 Tbs each<br />6 C vegetable broth<br />carrots, 4 small slices<br />potato, 3 medium, diced<br />2 C cooked or canned white beans, 1.5 C cooked or canned red kidney beans<br />1 C cauliflower cut up very small</h4>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BZeZweLiJME/U0wRGiKAunI/AAAAAAAAHWo/Wo-NnnukfSs/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BZeZweLiJME/U0wRGiKAunI/AAAAAAAAHWo/Wo-NnnukfSs/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
<h4>
</h4>
<h4>
<br />4 or 5 C chopped greens (I use a mix of spinach, kale and rainbow chard)<br />1 red pepper, diced<br /><br />Saute the onion and garlic in the oil over medium heat until onion is soft. Be careful not to let the garlic burn or you'll be super sorry and the carnivores will win.<br />Add the sundries tomatoes and tomato paste and herbs and mix together.<br />Pour in the veggie broth, the potatoes and carrots.<br />Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover. Let simmer for 10 minutes or until potatoes are soft but not mooooshy.<br />Add beans an cauliflower. Cook for another 5 or ten minutes.<br />Trun off heat. Add red pepper and chopped greens. I just put the greens on top of the soup and then put the lid on to let them slowly wilt. The red pepper will still be crunchy, but it's one of those foods that are more nutritious eaten raw, so adding it at the end saves a bit of the vitaminy goodness.</h4>
<h4>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y-EV3kLQEtw/U0wRGPugf7I/AAAAAAAAHWg/EuZTkWjrLwQ/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y-EV3kLQEtw/U0wRGPugf7I/AAAAAAAAHWg/EuZTkWjrLwQ/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></h4>
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<h4>
salt and pepper to taste.<br />I throw a couple croutons on top for crunch, because croutons are excellent.<br />Pour in a bowl, feel sorry for yourself because you have had a nasty cold for 6 straight days, and enjoy the surge of potassium the will make you... um.... potassiumy.</h4>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--oELL0xF1yA/U0wRG1bQn0I/AAAAAAAAHWs/gETCq0Rm-Ow/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--oELL0xF1yA/U0wRG1bQn0I/AAAAAAAAHWs/gETCq0Rm-Ow/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sorry for the poor photo quality. It's good, so just make it and eat it and shut up about it already.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So there you have it. Thanks to every who has been so wonderful to me as I continue to be super vegan and everything. You need to know I love you and that the images of sad animals that I post on Facebook, well, that's not going to stop.</span><br />
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PS. If you are considering transitioning to a vegan diet, or just want a few meatless recipes in your rotation, I highly, highly recommend the new cookbook by Angela Liddon,<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Oh-She-Glows-Cookbook-Recipes-ebook/dp/B00INCJ0NK/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1397493854&sr=1-1&keywords=oh+she+glows" target="_blank"> Oh She Glows</a>. I've made about 15 recipes out of the 100 or so, and they are all winners.<br />
<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-72877533796156469772014-03-01T21:02:00.000-05:002014-03-01T21:02:54.222-05:00Grump BegoneI woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Not literally. I am unable to move from my side of the bed because I am encased in animals throughout the night and am pretty much rendered immobile. Oh the <i>looks</i> I get if I have to get up to pee. Such disdain.<br />
<br />
So yah, woke up grumpy. Stayed grumpy. There really was no reason for the black mood. Slept ok, hormones are pretty benign, and had a clear schedule with only pleasant activities to choose from.<br />
But go figure nature. I was cranky and nothing I did made it any better.<br />
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I treated myself to a rest day, even though running improves my mood, but the idea of getting on the treadmill made me feel like punching Brian in his pretty, pretty face and if I ruined his face, our marriage would be over. So I didn't run.<br />
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I had one of my fabulous black forest cake green smoothies.<br />
<br />
I curled up with the cats.<br />
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I had an epic nap.<br />
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But nothing would made my emotional constipation budge.<br />
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What to do, what to do?<br />
<br />
Sometimes the best way to improve one's mood is to think of things you are thankful for. So in an effort to scrape away the sludge of grump that coats my very being right now, here is a list of things I like about certain people in my life. Not an exhaustive list of people or attributes, but the internet is only so big and I need to save some space for rants about saving pigs and being ugly in junior high.<br />
<br />
Of course, I have to start with Ryan because he is the wind beneath my wings.<br />
<br />
Ryan: I love the way that when Ryan tells you a funny story, his eyes water and he has to stop midway because he is laughing so hard. He fell in love hard with his cat. He's got it bad.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iKiW_W_vEmI/UxKIHJAngxI/AAAAAAAAHUE/8_i95Nf66g8/s1600/ryan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iKiW_W_vEmI/UxKIHJAngxI/AAAAAAAAHUE/8_i95Nf66g8/s1600/ryan.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Sheila: She makes going on crazy adventures seem easy. She looks better in purple than anyone else I know.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9843cPB5Jg8/UxKIwrSzHWI/AAAAAAAAHU8/6ngOYdUBBKw/s1600/Sheila.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9843cPB5Jg8/UxKIwrSzHWI/AAAAAAAAHU8/6ngOYdUBBKw/s1600/Sheila.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Sarah: When we are in her car, she will change the radio station if the music is too alternative for me. She makes the best canapés. I am so happy we are "fwends".<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kuXBrGWPKcQ/UxKIHJdKSlI/AAAAAAAAHUI/XGj0oSt7x6E/s1600/Sarah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kuXBrGWPKcQ/UxKIHJdKSlI/AAAAAAAAHUI/XGj0oSt7x6E/s1600/Sarah.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Megan: Tolerates my endless medical questions. Has the most interesting dreams. Beauty. Once gave me a medical alert bracelet engraved with "Don't look at my bum".<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6PedZ67qDO0/UxKIMbSDyAI/AAAAAAAAHUk/377qRA68goM/s1600/Megan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6PedZ67qDO0/UxKIMbSDyAI/AAAAAAAAHUk/377qRA68goM/s1600/Megan.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Bettina: Reliable with mathematical precision. Takes care of everyone. Looks like a silent movie star.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wZnuay2m9GU/UxKIKR8xBqI/AAAAAAAAHUc/BKFMvlkkDVY/s1600/Bettina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wZnuay2m9GU/UxKIKR8xBqI/AAAAAAAAHUc/BKFMvlkkDVY/s1600/Bettina.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Peter: Stands up for people who often get forgotten. Works hard. Laser eyes.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4GLSh6YWcaQ/UxKIRJ6i6dI/AAAAAAAAHU0/YikIUejPL7c/s1600/Peter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4GLSh6YWcaQ/UxKIRJ6i6dI/AAAAAAAAHU0/YikIUejPL7c/s1600/Peter.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Cynthia: Knows all my secrets and still wants to be my friend. Graceful. Patient.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ruVYJ4R41Uw/UxKII71EdjI/AAAAAAAAHUU/q5_E9_I-t3c/s1600/Cynthia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ruVYJ4R41Uw/UxKII71EdjI/AAAAAAAAHUU/q5_E9_I-t3c/s1600/Cynthia.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Robin: Enthusiastic. Open minded. Likes the exact same things as me. Walks the walk.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2ylFA2pqH6Y/UxKIO0oi60I/AAAAAAAAHUs/zNXGl9vCwSY/s1600/Robin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2ylFA2pqH6Y/UxKIO0oi60I/AAAAAAAAHUs/zNXGl9vCwSY/s1600/Robin.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Roger: Kind hearted to the nth. Smart and funny. Abs.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YZuCmG8w8wM/UxKLgn_HHbI/AAAAAAAAHVI/eVpy_6Ix9Gg/s1600/Roger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YZuCmG8w8wM/UxKLgn_HHbI/AAAAAAAAHVI/eVpy_6Ix9Gg/s1600/Roger.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Felicity: Goal achieving machine. Makes beautiful babies. Energizer playboy bunny.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eE2ntWGalFE/UxKPXiI6_DI/AAAAAAAAHVU/DFBK3W5Q44Y/s1600/felicity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eE2ntWGalFE/UxKPXiI6_DI/AAAAAAAAHVU/DFBK3W5Q44Y/s1600/felicity.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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Flay: Good looking. Sensible. Ridiculous.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i5tL1TJqbXM/UxKQSfDITKI/AAAAAAAAHVc/7ZVCLzihcow/s1600/Brian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i5tL1TJqbXM/UxKQSfDITKI/AAAAAAAAHVc/7ZVCLzihcow/s1600/Brian.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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I could go on and on. And I really should because I don't like leaving people off the list, but I have to stop somewhere and plus I feel much happier now.<br />
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Hurray for my friends for all they do and all they are and for killing off my bad mood just by existing.<br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-29456175024564002472014-02-24T15:09:00.000-05:002014-02-24T15:10:40.579-05:00Again With The RunningThe thing I like about blogs is that there is no pressure to cater to the needs and desires of your audience. That doesn't mean that I don't love you all very much in an intimate, highly sexualized way.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cyDRf_R3Ffg/UwuQYA1OV6I/AAAAAAAAHTU/xQ54pq28FKg/s1600/ellen's+readers+as+a+tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cyDRf_R3Ffg/UwuQYA1OV6I/AAAAAAAAHTU/xQ54pq28FKg/s1600/ellen's+readers+as+a+tree.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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No. I DO care what you THINK. But today's post might show that I may be ignoring what you WANT.<br />
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No one really wants to read a post about running. Again. Do they? Generally people who read my blog respond best to pieces about my days in the band or how horrifically ugly I was in Junior High. Those things are fascinating, to be sure. I mean, really, really interesting stuff.<br />
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But whatevs. S'my blog. And if I blog and no one reads it, I was still ugly in high school. Universal constants. I'm not sure what that even means.<br />
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Anyhoo, as I've mentioned, I am back into running regularly and it feels so great to be back on track. I'm back up to between 30 and 40 miles a week - seven months ago I was doing a couch-to-5K program and running 10K seemed like an impossible feat. But I stuck to it, and followed the plan even though I was gobsmacked at how much fitness I'd lost during my (basically two year) running hiatus.<br />
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The weight I'd gained is coming off much more slowly this time, but that's because I am eating way more than I was back in 2009 when I lost 30 pounds in 5 months. I've lost almost 10 in 7 months and I'm not in a hurry to lose the last 6-10 lbs. It will happen, slowly but surely.<br />
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The thing I'm experiencing this time around is what I imagine must be the mysterious "runner's high".<br />
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When I first started running, and reading everything I could about it, authors talked about the runner's high and how it was the best thing ever and dammit, I wanted a piece of that high, but it remained elusive. I figured I must not be running fast or long enough to get the feeling and concluded it was only for marathoners.<br />
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The problem was that I was expecting the wrong thing.<br />
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I figured runner's high was some kind of psychadelic, tie-dye, blissed out feeling. That instead of burning quads and chafing bra line I was experiencing, I'd be feeling like I was floating two feet above the path like a giant marshmallow on a pillow. Eating cookies. Throwing rose petals.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e8XMrdt3BoI/UwuQaoguC2I/AAAAAAAAHTc/rkHegKHJkX4/s1600/groovy+marshmellow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e8XMrdt3BoI/UwuQaoguC2I/AAAAAAAAHTc/rkHegKHJkX4/s1600/groovy+marshmellow.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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It turns out that, for me anyway, a runner's high is a mixture of a feeling of contentment, well being and high energy. I imagine it might be what being on cocaine is like, only not as angry, sandpapery or illegally. Coke heads who are also runners, am I right?<br />
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When I am running, I haven't forgotten how hard it is to be running. In fact I am almost always counting down the minutes I have left. I have little chants in my head. "Fifty-nine, that's just fine, It's easy to do, it's nothing to you". Ten more minutes you can do it, just ten more there's nothing to it"). But at the same time I am thinking "I'm pretty sure that today I will be able to clean the whole house, make cookies, cure cancer, organize a fundraiser to save all the animals in the world, wash and blow dry my hair and do 12 loads of laundry. Before lunch". I know in my rational mind that I won't get it all done, but while I'm running, I am so brain happy that I actually want to do all those things. Before lunch. Days that I run are generally what I would call "great days". Days I don't run are days that I don't run.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGH8yvEXX4o/UwuUUgQWwoI/AAAAAAAAHTo/d19eLV2qUZM/s1600/ellens+runner+high.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGH8yvEXX4o/UwuUUgQWwoI/AAAAAAAAHTo/d19eLV2qUZM/s1600/ellens+runner+high.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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It's still hard to get started. Every time. "Ugh, I'll just do 20 minutes and then I can stop". And I usually end up going 70 minutes. By the 30 minute mark, I figure I could pretty much conquer Everest (North face).<br />
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I have found a couple running blogs that I've enjoyed, especially <a href="http://www.shutupandrun.net/" target="_blank">this one</a>. The author is someone I totally want to be friends with because is a runner and she talks a lot about poop. She reminds me of a cartoon rubber band. Yes.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyhbR9DZ6Y5ixOlxeF9UUg0Xu-AIVY_8GW-X_-OOJYp-SK1GWTW4GlEyc6XpbDZGhKcFF7IHTNZQ_MEnKMEZA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Now I know not everyone can take up running, and not everyone wants to take up running. But for anyone out there who IS thinking of taking up running, I say DO IT DO IT! Get fitted with decent running shoes. Find a couch to 5K podcast and follow the program. <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/c25k/pages/running-podcast.aspx" target="_blank">This</a> is the program I started with.<br />
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I have a friend who says he'd consider taking up running once he gets to his goal weight (already lost 35 pounds!). In additions to the fact that running will get him to his goal weight 30% faster, there are other reasons for starting now. And this goes for me, too. Firstly, improvements will never be so dramatic! And no matter how slow you are, or how often you have to slow down and walk, other runners will give you the thumbs up because, one, they have been there, and, two, runners want everyone to be runners and are happy to see another weirdo come into the fold. When I started out (both times), I was surprised at how good a simple tip of the head in greeting from a fellow runner felt. It's like a Mason handshake or a secret wink: We're in the same idiot club. Nice to see you.<br />
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There will always be runners that are faster and fitter than you. And likely there will always be runners slower and more out of shape than you. The slower runners, more overweight runners are braver than you are. They get the most respect because all runners know that the beginners are in the hardest phase. The starting phase.<br />
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This post sounds a little pontificate-y doesn't it. But seeing as I am the boss of all of you, that's too bad. Now go for a run. You will not regret it.<br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-53675173226197030732014-01-07T16:58:00.000-05:002014-01-07T17:04:55.890-05:00Foodie Not-Friday: Bite Me January Oatmeal Raisin Cookies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QuE_-F5BTNc/UsxwH1cMC3I/AAAAAAAAHSQ/nAq9OBxeOM8/s1600/fnf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QuE_-F5BTNc/UsxwH1cMC3I/AAAAAAAAHSQ/nAq9OBxeOM8/s1600/fnf.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I lost weight over Christmas. Not much, like two pounds. I rarely gain weight at Christmas time because I am so excited about presents that I lose my appetite. </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GLRO6cUYEfk/UsxwH91czdI/AAAAAAAAHSU/HBIvZtUYcmE/s1600/ellen+presents.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GLRO6cUYEfk/UsxwH91czdI/AAAAAAAAHSU/HBIvZtUYcmE/s1600/ellen+presents.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But now the holidays are over and, you might not have heard about this on the news, but it's cold outside, and it's time to get back to my weight gaining ways.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, in order to gain back any weight I might have lost due to greed tremors, I decided to make cookies.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9gLrT7d-g1s/UsxzTWudWBI/AAAAAAAAHSg/zZ7fBdhH0MQ/s1600/e+bakes+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9gLrT7d-g1s/UsxzTWudWBI/AAAAAAAAHSg/zZ7fBdhH0MQ/s1600/e+bakes+1.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We got a lot of cookies and candy for Christmas, but most of them weren't vegan, so I needed to make sure I could get in on the fattening fun, too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I present to you these Bite Me January Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, because there are no other recipes for Oatmeal Raisin Cookies in the entire world. At least none that are so disrespectful to January.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I made some adjustments from a recipe <a href="http://www.purplecarrotkc.com/2011/09/oatmeal-raisin-cookies.html" target="_blank">here</a>, who originally altered it from a recipe <a href="http://ohsheglows.com/2010/09/11/the-ultimate-vegan-oatmeal-raisin-cookie/" target="_blank">here</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">They are better after a day in the fridge. Straight out of the oven they seemed too sweet, somehow. And mouth burny.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, like whatever here it is…</span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><u>Bite Me January Oatmeal Raisin Cookies</u></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2 C large flake oats, divided</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1.5 C toasted walnuts</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">¾ C flour</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1/3 C brown sugar, packed</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 tsp baking soda</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 Tbsp cinnamon</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 tsp allspice</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1 tsp nutmeg</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2 Tbsp unsweetened soy milk</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">4 Tbsp canola oil</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">½ C agave nectar or brown rice syrup</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2 tsp vanilla</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3/4 C raisins</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Preheat oven to 350. Toast nuts on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper for about 10-12 minutes. Keep an eye on them so they don't burn, eh? Let 'em cool a bit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Pulse 1 C of the oatmeal and the toasted nuts, soda, spices and brown sugar and the additional 1 C of oatmeal in a food processor until ground up to a fine meal</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Combine wet ingredients (oil, agave, vanilla, soy milk) and then blend in the dry ingredients. Add raisins.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Bake on parchment lined cookie sheets for 10-12 minutes. Cool on a cooling rack.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--b6rwiP45kc/Usx3GsoCzSI/AAAAAAAAHS4/ADNomSICk7c/s1600/IMG_6174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--b6rwiP45kc/Usx3GsoCzSI/AAAAAAAAHS4/ADNomSICk7c/s1600/IMG_6174.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8yLoI_rTomQ/Usx3HZZn0OI/AAAAAAAAHS8/QO-lCvdrtRM/s1600/IMG_6175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8yLoI_rTomQ/Usx3HZZn0OI/AAAAAAAAHS8/QO-lCvdrtRM/s1600/IMG_6175.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">These were delicious the next day with my favourite tea. </span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E4dfAJCmPDw/Usx3JW-P8NI/AAAAAAAAHTE/fkRS_AR56T4/s1600/IMG_6182.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E4dfAJCmPDw/Usx3JW-P8NI/AAAAAAAAHTE/fkRS_AR56T4/s1600/IMG_6182.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I had them instead of a healthy lunch. And dinner. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-V1-ToN4GHck/Usx3HXInr0I/AAAAAAAAHTA/MxNCjXSA_Wg/s1600/IMG_6176.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-V1-ToN4GHck/Usx3HXInr0I/AAAAAAAAHTA/MxNCjXSA_Wg/s1600/IMG_6176.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">Here are the cookies being watched over by a voodoo Brian, made for me by my friend Sophia.</span></td></tr>
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photo of Joan Jett by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/shankbone/4582840802/sizes/q/in/photolist-7YYfUA/" target="_blank">David Shankbone</a>/FlickrElpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-19875866511206879592013-12-11T19:50:00.000-05:002013-12-11T19:50:15.481-05:00Hey Zit Face!Is it just me or do kids now-a-days just not have zits anymore? (Hey, I just said "kids now-a-days").<br />
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When I was a teenager pretty much everyone in my school had zits. We didn't make fun of people with zits because, well, we all had them. Sure, some kids had it worse than others, but if you didn't have zit you were more likely to be taunted for late onset puberty than you would have been if you were a pizza face. Back zits or chest pimples were for sure off limits for taunting because it was just horrifying, like they had an extra arm or something. But less useful. You just looked away and hoped to God it didn't happen to you.<br />
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But I never see teenagers with zits anymore. Maybe I'm just not looking closely enough, which is quite possible because I don't like to make eye contact with today's youth. I don't want to see their expression as they look at me. That "you'll be dead soon" look of pity mixed with fear and contempt.<br />
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Not that teenagers really notice me. When I do register on their radar they see "friend of someone's mom". Or "what I don't want to look like when I grow up". When I look at them I see clear skin, slippers worn outdoors in winter and the homogeneity of people trying to express their personalities via the fashions of Old Navy.<br />
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But why the clear skin?<br />
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I had kinda nasty skin.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KOIUeE4H22w/UqibiFNes_I/AAAAAAAAHRg/NgT35wl2Dww/s1600/Ellen,+Grade+,+age+-1..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KOIUeE4H22w/UqibiFNes_I/AAAAAAAAHRg/NgT35wl2Dww/s640/Ellen,+Grade+,+age+-1..jpg" width="502" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can't really see the horror that is my full on zittage, but you can see that I had caterpillars for eyebrows.</td></tr>
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I have very large pores that fill with dirt and oil like dermal tar pits. And most of those pores were active volcanos of pus at all times throughout my puberty.<br />
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My puberty lasted 14 years.<br />
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I used to sleep with Stri-dex pads on my face overnight.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0NICSZbkI9Q/UqkE5bayLNI/AAAAAAAAHRw/e25nk1XpkfI/s1600/ellen+stridex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0NICSZbkI9Q/UqkE5bayLNI/AAAAAAAAHRw/e25nk1XpkfI/s640/ellen+stridex.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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I'd wake up with raw patches that were red and ready to make more zits. We didn't know any better.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/lNjSXPnrAr0?rel=0" width="420"></iframe>
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And yes, that WAS Barry Manilow singing the jingle there.<br />
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Sea Breeze, Bonne Bell 10-0-6 lotion,<br />
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Does your skin feel "honest" to you? Does it?<br />
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Oxi-pads, Noxema, Clearasil,<br />
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I tried them all. They all failed. Zits surrounded by ravaged red peeling skin. Looked painful and contagious. Like I needed to be on my own separate colony.<br />
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So I would cover the zits up with makeup. Makeup like Maybelline's cover stick that looked like a beige lipstick. You were supposed to put it on your zits to cover them up. I just ended up with a thick, yellowish bumps all over my face that made me look kind of like orangey tapioca pudding. And not in a good way.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MSdx9fvWqiM/UqkG2YGW6_I/AAAAAAAAHR8/Gi_QnseJYlU/s1600/ellen+makeup+jr+high.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MSdx9fvWqiM/UqkG2YGW6_I/AAAAAAAAHR8/Gi_QnseJYlU/s640/ellen+makeup+jr+high.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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So while I pity the next generation's burden of cleaning up the environment, managing worldwide food and water shortages and the inevitable pandemic that kills us all, I'm still pretty ticked off that they seem to have dodged the pimple bullet.<br />
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They'll never have to scrape their skin raw with a Clearasil "Buff Puff", which is basically steel wool with a handle and maybe some soap in it. Lucky little shits.<br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-16693434385917944242013-12-08T15:14:00.000-05:002013-12-08T15:14:11.237-05:00Stuff And Such<span style="font-size: large;">Forgive me, Internet, for I have been lazy. It has been two months since my last blog.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'd like to be able to tell you that my bloggish absence has been due to a round the world trip, or that I've adopted a baby and have been super busy wiping it's bum, or that I'm finishing up that novel I've been working on. None of the above.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Fact is, I am a lazy ass.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I have been doing, I don't know, stuff, I guess.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So here's a quick run thru what I've been up to while you've all been super waiting time action party.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. Took in a stray cat. Named him Wayne. Spent the equivalent of the GNP on fixing him up to make him presentable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">BEFORE: Infected eyes, super skinny, super bitey.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ufNIMAUhDCg/UqS41YFpEmI/AAAAAAAAHPI/69x38MIiGAk/s1600/2013-06-28+17.12.18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ufNIMAUhDCg/UqS41YFpEmI/AAAAAAAAHPI/69x38MIiGAk/s640/2013-06-28+17.12.18.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Scabby eyes, swollen lip (someone is allergic to fish. Really?).</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RdKu19P0YdM/UqS5JNqBJ-I/AAAAAAAAHPQ/tzyjeEL8DOs/s1600/2013-07-28+14.55.04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="478" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RdKu19P0YdM/UqS5JNqBJ-I/AAAAAAAAHPQ/tzyjeEL8DOs/s640/2013-07-28+14.55.04.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Had to have his super impressive cat testicles removed. I'd never seen cat balls before. They're crazy!</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KV6EeH6dz6k/UqS5YxO5q-I/AAAAAAAAHPY/r1k5iWboxjY/s1600/Wayne-+NSFW.M4v" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KV6EeH6dz6k/UqS5YxO5q-I/AAAAAAAAHPY/r1k5iWboxjY/s400/Wayne-+NSFW.M4v" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Yes, those were cat balls at the beginning there. I know.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now he's all perfect. Perfect eyes, normal mouth. Still bitey.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pXPhkrYQl6w/UqS7huGiK_I/AAAAAAAAHQI/_YGY-143xdo/s1600/IMG_0288.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="478" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pXPhkrYQl6w/UqS7huGiK_I/AAAAAAAAHQI/_YGY-143xdo/s640/IMG_0288.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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He has a pink nose.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g6ECpnRPF8s/UqS6CYwUUuI/AAAAAAAAHP0/iv1Raz5DMSw/s1600/Wayne+oct+2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g6ECpnRPF8s/UqS6CYwUUuI/AAAAAAAAHP0/iv1Raz5DMSw/s640/Wayne+oct+2013.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Did another walk for Farm Sanctuary. Again, my friends helped me to be the number one fund raiser for Toronto.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N9ctaZouHjU/UqTKc9WTNII/AAAAAAAAHQw/Iow12UipjX0/s1600/ellen+walks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N9ctaZouHjU/UqTKc9WTNII/AAAAAAAAHQw/Iow12UipjX0/s640/ellen+walks.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. Continuing to volunteer for <a href="http://www.nutritionfacts.org/">www.nutritionfacts.org</a>. I have had to find a lot of images of turmeric. A lot. I'm thinking of suggesting to Dr. Greger (the guru of nutritionfacts.org) to change the name of his site to www.turmericfacts.org because there is a great deal of info on turmeric there. Apparently, it's good for you.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Vo5zMz3KME/UqTPVNeq0XI/AAAAAAAAHQ8/r9C4cs8_p2k/s1600/effing+turmeric1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Vo5zMz3KME/UqTPVNeq0XI/AAAAAAAAHQ8/r9C4cs8_p2k/s640/effing+turmeric1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">photo of turmeric by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/h-bomb/4420313992/sizes/o/in/photolist-7JBgmd-9PfS2E-9pw3D9-9JoCg8-7KN68b-7TGVnK-djHxww-dye8sk-foDEV8-7SYETu-cJCd63-cJCd8N-8DY6dc-cJCcX7-cJCd1U/" target="_blank">h-bomb</a>/Flickr</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Did a couch to 5k program to kick start myself back into running. Am currently running about 25-30 miles per week and feel so so so much better. I don't love running, but I love having finished running. My times are slower than they were a few years ago when I was running regularly. I'm saying it's due to aging. Right?</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wdnnUVgBwsQ/UqTIToRFouI/AAAAAAAAHQk/2DxRAkYrxFk/s1600/ellen+runs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wdnnUVgBwsQ/UqTIToRFouI/AAAAAAAAHQk/2DxRAkYrxFk/s640/ellen+runs.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. I continue to do laundry.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">6. I have taken up eating mixed nuts. It's kind of a hobby, kind of a craft, you know. Just seeing where it takes me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">7. I stubbed my toe really bad that time.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DOp-c3bE4Z4/UqS6tKscWhI/AAAAAAAAHP8/0_RsfxOS52M/s1600/IMG_0313.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="478" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DOp-c3bE4Z4/UqS6tKscWhI/AAAAAAAAHP8/0_RsfxOS52M/s640/IMG_0313.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">8. Discovered the joy of listening to podcasts while I run. These are some that I've listened to, and they really do make the time go faster.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.stuffyoushouldknow.com/podcasts/">http://www.stuffyoushouldknow.com/podcasts/</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.philosophybites.com/" target="_blank"> http://www.philosophybites.com</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.compassionatecook.com/category/media/podcast-media">http://www.compassionatecook.com/category/media/podcast-media</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">9. I went for a latte with Ryan.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qr41Mp6OFmY/UqTGlQVHz7I/AAAAAAAAHQY/p7G4UG83SOw/s1600/ryan+and+ellen+coffee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qr41Mp6OFmY/UqTGlQVHz7I/AAAAAAAAHQY/p7G4UG83SOw/s640/ryan+and+ellen+coffee.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">10. Just today I cleaned out my dishwasher's filter for the first time in 6.5 years. I think you're supposed to do it more often than that. It was basically a solid mass of goo made up of bits of paper, grape stems and apple stickers. I wish I'd taken a photo because it was really horrific and you probably want to see that, right? Sorry gang.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">11. Have done some Christmas shopping. I'm sort of meh about Christmas these days. Once I see my mommy next week, though, all will be better.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-49EiR9DaUjM/UqTQgoKT9UI/AAAAAAAAHRI/9AsXmd31hew/s1600/e+thinks+of+mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-49EiR9DaUjM/UqTQgoKT9UI/AAAAAAAAHRI/9AsXmd31hew/s640/e+thinks+of+mom.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I did some other stuff too.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But seriously, I have no idea what to blog about these days. So I give you scraps. So sorry. I love you. I love you like I loved that guy in the "67" t-shirt at Saints Roller Rink in Winnipeg, 1979 (Garden City Saints location). He never wanted to skate with me to "Sad Eyes". He had perfect hair. I think he smoked.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That is all.</span><br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-51374502558797688622013-10-13T15:13:00.000-04:002013-10-13T15:13:38.156-04:00I Hear You 2.0<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I am a notorious eavesdropper. I've mentioned this in a past post and discussed things I have heard. It's an ongoing thing with me. Everyone is super interesting in their own way. I get a little frustrated if I'm having a conversation with a dear, wonderful friend and I can't sort of listen in to some other potentially hilarious conversation that some strangers are having. Darn you, loved ones, for trying to engage me in meaningful conversation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here are some snippets of conversations I have heard and noted over the past several months. I'm surprised I have as many as I do considering I never freaking leave my house. My house is safe. There are no social obligations to frighten me here. Anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Three teenage girls on the street:</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OUhKb_0kGMU/UjYcBqzzJHI/AAAAAAAAHL0/PebkCpcT_uc/s1600/where+babies+come+from.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OUhKb_0kGMU/UjYcBqzzJHI/AAAAAAAAHL0/PebkCpcT_uc/s640/where+babies+come+from.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Two guys on the street:</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bhZO56JDRes/UjYidpV7jrI/AAAAAAAAHME/XCXYVxytYao/s1600/Like+Mopeds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bhZO56JDRes/UjYidpV7jrI/AAAAAAAAHME/XCXYVxytYao/s640/Like+Mopeds.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">And then there was this lack of insight:</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gl8AdR5ndjI/UjZTifhBmhI/AAAAAAAAHMU/zrNH0wK90GE/s1600/She+got+fat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gl8AdR5ndjI/UjZTifhBmhI/AAAAAAAAHMU/zrNH0wK90GE/s640/She+got+fat.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Two girls, maybe 14 years old, at the beach: </span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-82h5ZxFgXE0/Ukie_hN66BI/AAAAAAAAHM8/eB8dIPgSwko/s1600/tanned+and+boobs1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="420" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-82h5ZxFgXE0/Ukie_hN66BI/AAAAAAAAHM8/eB8dIPgSwko/s640/tanned+and+boobs1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Kid to mother, very excited:</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IlKDFdS3RzA/UkijHLvAWLI/AAAAAAAAHNI/t6lE06uyp4k/s1600/cavities.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="420" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IlKDFdS3RzA/UkijHLvAWLI/AAAAAAAAHNI/t6lE06uyp4k/s640/cavities.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Woman to man coming out of ice cream store, and I really don't think she realized what she was saying and that someone would overhear her and blog about it:</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tSTx6QmPJX8/UlrwSDbkaZI/AAAAAAAAHNk/PiBmyvZY3oM/s1600/man+flav2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tSTx6QmPJX8/UlrwSDbkaZI/AAAAAAAAHNk/PiBmyvZY3oM/s640/man+flav2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Overheard from inside the change room at Yoka Clothing Store: </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4itthFJHm5g/UjZXt8wA9aI/AAAAAAAAHMg/EUn-6oPwK0k/s1600/aggressive+boobs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4itthFJHm5g/UjZXt8wA9aI/AAAAAAAAHMg/EUn-6oPwK0k/s640/aggressive+boobs.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
<span style="font-size: large;">And my personal favourite, overheard two sweet children running in the street:</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jvjv3ZA2foA/UjOOxgTdI_I/AAAAAAAAHLk/SnAHVJKNxCM/s1600/run+for+your+llife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jvjv3ZA2foA/UjOOxgTdI_I/AAAAAAAAHLk/SnAHVJKNxCM/s640/run+for+your+llife.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Don't think you're safe either. I'm listening and taking notes.</span><br />
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Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-66219423562979369242013-09-03T15:58:00.000-04:002013-09-03T15:58:13.208-04:00The story of Carla and Dave<span style="font-size: large;">Once upon a time, in the far off, magical land know as The Netherlands, there lived a beautiful maiden. Her name was Carla.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-akl7Gn8wVsY/UiYraioQZQI/AAAAAAAAHJs/l3HzXJRnILE/s1600/carla+amsterdam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-akl7Gn8wVsY/UiYraioQZQI/AAAAAAAAHJs/l3HzXJRnILE/s640/carla+amsterdam.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now Carla was a great gal and she was loved by every one she met.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UVzVySSpsLk/UiYvHsTR1nI/AAAAAAAAHJ4/_ZFFhn-xAvk/s1600/carla+amsterdam+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UVzVySSpsLk/UiYvHsTR1nI/AAAAAAAAHJ4/_ZFFhn-xAvk/s640/carla+amsterdam+1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She was fortunate in that she had a wonderful family that loved her,</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pGVVhtc7lzU/UiYxEl39dpI/AAAAAAAAHKE/mPe0VA9Fmk0/s1600/carla's+sisters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pGVVhtc7lzU/UiYxEl39dpI/AAAAAAAAHKE/mPe0VA9Fmk0/s640/carla's+sisters.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">and she was freakishly good looking.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3lIMjJge6gc/UiYx69tOU-I/AAAAAAAAHKM/pfng3sRC8Ag/s1600/carla+good+looking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3lIMjJge6gc/UiYx69tOU-I/AAAAAAAAHKM/pfng3sRC8Ag/s640/carla+good+looking.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But still, Carla felt like something was missing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She moved to Canada and started a small business where she sold sweaters.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7w_tK7uOZYw/UiYzUqDh6II/AAAAAAAAHKY/1qNsPix6Kdo/s1600/carla+sweater+cart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7w_tK7uOZYw/UiYzUqDh6II/AAAAAAAAHKY/1qNsPix6Kdo/s640/carla+sweater+cart.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then she moved her business into a store where she turned average housewives into awesome goddesses of golden power and sunlight.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-URBlwH8UGUM/UiY1h3rNyAI/AAAAAAAAHKk/dtRc3sPq5ZI/s1600/yoka+before+and+after.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-URBlwH8UGUM/UiY1h3rNyAI/AAAAAAAAHKk/dtRc3sPq5ZI/s640/yoka+before+and+after.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She had great friends and co-workers.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xdo9Otw813o/UiY4GoqdOSI/AAAAAAAAHKw/q2C5EAz-HyE/s1600/carla's+crew.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xdo9Otw813o/UiY4GoqdOSI/AAAAAAAAHKw/q2C5EAz-HyE/s640/carla's+crew.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But still, she felt like something wasn't... you know... wasn't quite right.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then one day a handsome stranger named Dave from Goodlookingtown flew into Toronto in his magical unicorn powered airplane and told Carla:</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kL2bHtujOmo/UiY6A-yHf8I/AAAAAAAAHK8/dkIVqdnHN74/s1600/carla+and+dave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kL2bHtujOmo/UiY6A-yHf8I/AAAAAAAAHK8/dkIVqdnHN74/s640/carla+and+dave.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Carla's heart grew 10 times that day.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Even though he had just met her, Dave knew. Dave knew this was THE girl. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">They went on travels and adventures. She missed him when he was off helping sick people get home safely. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">They jumped off waterfalls and got matching Dora the Explorer tattoos on their bums. </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(totally true)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After awhile it became very clear that being not married was the dumbest thing they could think of doing, so Dave bought Carla a ring that<strike> made Ellen both happy and somewhat jealous</strike> dazzled like a star.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Carla said yes, because in addition to being beautiful, she's also very smart and she knew this was the best, most wonderful guy in, like, the whole world ever. Plus she really wanted that deck.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Their families were thrilled.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T0YKQaD3YE4/UiY7WEeQ__I/AAAAAAAAHLI/r9egT-4kupY/s1600/carla's+sisters+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T0YKQaD3YE4/UiY7WEeQ__I/AAAAAAAAHLI/r9egT-4kupY/s640/carla's+sisters+2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So Dave and Carla got engaged and started planning their lives together. Pretty sure it involves me somehow. Pretty sure.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D6KKVS4H_f0/UiY9ncHa3_I/AAAAAAAAHLU/GerHgqQ2vjo/s1600/carla+and+dave+heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D6KKVS4H_f0/UiY9ncHa3_I/AAAAAAAAHLU/GerHgqQ2vjo/s640/carla+and+dave+heart.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">xo</span>Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-6006737717632827982013-06-24T17:10:00.000-04:002013-06-24T17:10:08.959-04:00Mother and Child Reunion<span style="font-size: large;">As some of you may know, last year I made the difficult/easy decision to have Gracie move into the home of my amazing dog walker, Nina.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Nina was always very understanding when I'd complain about my love/less than love relationship with Gracie. She'd give me great advice, which I would either adopt and experience great failure, or would just look glassy eyed at her and say, "umkay" (yes, Nina I will start brushing Gracie's one crazy tooth. Umkay).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I would always joke, "Gracie you go live with Nina-New-Mommy" and laugh. Nina would respond that she'd take Gracie in a heart beat. But the guilt would come crashing down on me like big boxes of heavy guilt that rained down from Planet Guilt and I could not taker her up on it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One day, Nina suggested she take Gracie for a week, just for a bit of respite. And I figured I could do that. After all, Gracie had stayed with her when Brian and I had gone away on vacations. I felt no guilt about that, so this would be no different.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So off Gracie went one Sunday afternoon with her little suitcase and promises that she'd be good for Nina while Mommy enjoyed not screaming and crying by 4pm every day. Is this what having a colicky infant is like? For 10 years?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">At the end of one week, I asked Nina if she could do another week.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">By day 10 I asked Nina if her offer to adopt Gracie was still on. And it was. And I could have wept with relief.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And horrible crushing guilt.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Followed by more relief.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BOAhuFLbDp8/UcTNCbmj22I/AAAAAAAAHI0/bE_dP1CpAJQ/s1600/gracie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BOAhuFLbDp8/UcTNCbmj22I/AAAAAAAAHI0/bE_dP1CpAJQ/s640/gracie2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After about two months of Gracie living with New Mommy, Nina brought her by one day. She was soft and shiny and had a little pep in her step. She'd lost a couple pounds (She weighed 30 pounds on her last day with me, which was about 10 pounds too much. That's a lot on a little dog). I held her for a couple minutes and then got frightfully misty.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Gracie seemed pretty non-plussed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Whatevs, old mommy. I'm living the high life now.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Dm33SJJzBrQ/UcTNCcx_BQI/AAAAAAAAHIw/RJubujAb8gc/s1600/gracie1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Dm33SJJzBrQ/UcTNCcx_BQI/AAAAAAAAHIw/RJubujAb8gc/s640/gracie1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, that was all 14 months ago. She's lost a total of 10 pounds, and as Nina reports much of her odd behaviour has gone. No more having to pee at 3 am. And 5 am. And 7am. No more barking at all things in general, but molecules specifically. No more incessant whinging (pronounced Whin-Jing). I've had several little visits with Gracie but this past weekend, we had her for the whole weekend because Nina took her family to do something to do with bikes that sounds awful if you're a sedentary adult who likes TV and snacks. Say, like me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Within two seconds of Nina saying "bye bye little Boo" to Gracie and shutting the door, the weird Gracie behaviour started up again - the whimpering and begging eyes and the tap tap tapping on the floor, trying to tell me she wants something, but I never get it right.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3RyGjWF3yqc/UcTNCchmqoI/AAAAAAAAHI4/6y5QWDg4uWI/s1600/gracie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3RyGjWF3yqc/UcTNCchmqoI/AAAAAAAAHI4/6y5QWDg4uWI/s640/gracie.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"> THIS DOG IS A BOTTOMLESS PIT OF INDEFINABLE NEED. It's like playing a guessing game except it never, ever ends and the only way to win is to go sit on the front steps, alone, with booze.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So when Sunday evening rolled around and it was time to pack little weirdo off to her new family, it was not without both sweet frosted relief and a big dollop of shame.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Even though it has all worked out for all involved, I still feel like I've failed Gracie. I want to be like those mega tattooed women who rescue death row pit bulls and reform them into 75 pounds of muscle-y adorableness. I want to be the kind of person who does not project my fears and insecurities onto an innocent Sheltie. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't think her dog is judging her, and finding her very much wanting. But I am not that person. I am weak, dammit. And Gracie's will to be anxiety provoking is strong.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So maybe it's not just me. And it's not just Gracie. Maybe we're just wrong for each other. Breaking up was hard to do, but it was the right thing to do. It was a mutual thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I still love the little bitch, dammit.</span>Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-23927683282267281712013-05-24T10:20:00.003-04:002013-05-28T18:02:00.300-04:00Blue Willow<span style="font-size: large;">I am obsessed with Blue Willow.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NA6GZDU0fwM/UZ9hlD6ZvrI/AAAAAAAAHHk/EYscW8D8f08/s1600/willow_plate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="628" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NA6GZDU0fwM/UZ9hlD6ZvrI/AAAAAAAAHHk/EYscW8D8f08/s640/willow_plate.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And now you are disappointed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After a several week absence, I return with what? A post about dishes? How sad. Nothing about poops or something embarrassing I did when I was 11, or details of my mom's sordid past, or something Brian said that I've twisted into an insult about my fatness?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Nope. It's all about stuff I want and lately all I want, among a lot of other things, is Blue Willow.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My first memories of Blue Willow are of some plates we had up at our cottage near The Pas, Manitoba. They were probably chipped cast offs from some long forgotten set of the prior owners of the cabin. But to me they were the most elegant and exotic things going. I remember thinking that they kind of proved that our family was, like, totally rich.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Dreams die hard wen you're young.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, so now I've been thinking about finally decorating our bedroom, and the motif on which I have settled is, you guessed it, Blue Willow. White, with a couple different blues, and a soupçon of Chinoiserie.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wDzAaE1Tj6w/UZ92dA_eW6I/AAAAAAAAHIM/rWtQRgKi9Dw/s1600/blue+willow+wallpaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wDzAaE1Tj6w/UZ92dA_eW6I/AAAAAAAAHIM/rWtQRgKi9Dw/s640/blue+willow+wallpaper.jpg" width="510" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I started by getting a big white dresser from IKEA (which i put together with only a little man-rage help from Brian and only putting something on backwards twice!). </span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WxPjAgGtgmI/UZ928JKZ9ZI/AAAAAAAAHIU/gAAfBnSsPGg/s1600/hemnes--drawer-dresser__30435_PE118674_S4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WxPjAgGtgmI/UZ928JKZ9ZI/AAAAAAAAHIU/gAAfBnSsPGg/s640/hemnes--drawer-dresser__30435_PE118674_S4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yes. I've finally admitted that I am IKEA and not ABC Carpet and Home. I am everyman.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Next I have to refinish Brian's bedside table because he really likes it and it's awful. I need to learn how paint furniture. How much do you have to actually sand a piece before you can prime and paint? Like right down to the actual wood, or just enough to get the sheen of varnish/stain/whatever off of it?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'd love to find this wallpaper, but I think Brian might put his foot down.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TaDwf1Fcz9E/UZ9hlCd9fsI/AAAAAAAAHHo/19n6YwYPjew/s1600/2092163577_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="544" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TaDwf1Fcz9E/UZ9hlCd9fsI/AAAAAAAAHHo/19n6YwYPjew/s640/2092163577_l.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zQejsb3z-P8/UZ9hlOC1HkI/AAAAAAAAHHg/mhNyvRsTDPo/s1600/343968810_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zQejsb3z-P8/UZ9hlOC1HkI/AAAAAAAAHHg/mhNyvRsTDPo/s640/343968810_l.jpg" width="378" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've ordered a needlepoint pattern for a cushion, because what bed is complete without dog hair and an abundance of throw cushions for the cat to throw up on?</span><br />
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wVCGAI7zo0k/UZ9hk36qwuI/AAAAAAAAHHY/MSJxCMntG_o/s1600/Blue_willow_1_cross-stitch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="636" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wVCGAI7zo0k/UZ9hk36qwuI/AAAAAAAAHHY/MSJxCMntG_o/s640/Blue_willow_1_cross-stitch.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm a gonna makey this.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And when it's all done, I will sit in my bed with a posy of lily of the valley next to me and read books and talk to my cat. I will wear a bed jacket. Because that's what Castle's mom would do.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1R7zjlUPsFA/UZ9idCmuf7I/AAAAAAAAHH8/RycRqEZoVEY/s1600/Auntie-Mame.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="440" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1R7zjlUPsFA/UZ9idCmuf7I/AAAAAAAAHH8/RycRqEZoVEY/s640/Auntie-Mame.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gently darling, your<br />
auntie's hung</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And for those of you who are still waiting for something more typical of me...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Poop.</span><br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-34554121904256187132013-04-04T09:05:00.000-04:002013-04-04T09:05:01.662-04:00The Secrets of Our Parents.<span style="font-size: large;">I'm visiting my mom.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I love my mom a lot. But I've said that before.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think it's a universal thing - kids don't see their parents as human beings, individuals with their own hopes, dreams, disappointments, failings, etc., until they are adults themselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"> Parents are - ideally - food, affection and car key giving automatons, whose sole purpose is to provide their offspring with the necessities of life, plus a bunch of other crap that the other kids at school get because <b><i>their</i></b> parents have a great gig at Manitoba Hydro.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And then little by little you find out details of your parents' lives that you can relate to:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"> first loves, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-akQ5QOKk-u8/UV1zEL_F-pI/AAAAAAAAHCY/NW0bBPBJMxg/s1600/mom+and+first+love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-akQ5QOKk-u8/UV1zEL_F-pI/AAAAAAAAHCY/NW0bBPBJMxg/s640/mom+and+first+love.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">addiction to online shopping</span><br />
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<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2gGJ3nwa3wA/UV15BB456QI/AAAAAAAAHC0/4cobQo9Gt_4/s1600/mom+playing+Facebook+Scrabble+Aug+21,+07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-size: x-large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2gGJ3nwa3wA/UV15BB456QI/AAAAAAAAHC0/4cobQo9Gt_4/s640/mom+playing+Facebook+Scrabble+Aug+21,+07.JPG" width="640" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">inexplicable urges to binge drink</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XMJaSqKU5vM/UV13-k5uqVI/AAAAAAAAHCo/s7q-NWS8Mk8/s1600/mom+drinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XMJaSqKU5vM/UV13-k5uqVI/AAAAAAAAHCo/s7q-NWS8Mk8/s640/mom+drinking.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">lack of athletic prowess, </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zwTaqFvzOJA/UV1nHMOXfqI/AAAAAAAAHB0/p_KysG22tHA/s1600/mom+hecla+77.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="464" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zwTaqFvzOJA/UV1nHMOXfqI/AAAAAAAAHB0/p_KysG22tHA/s640/mom+hecla+77.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">or what have you.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And sometimes you find out things about your parents that take you completely by surprise. We find out things about our parents, dark secrets we wish we could bleach out of our consciousness, and go back to seeing them as the man in the La-Z-Boy watching Monty Python re-runs, and the woman eating orange peels while she reads improving literature.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This has happened to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have discovered that my mom is money-crazed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now, we're good Scottish folk, and being a bit tight with my pursestrings, I should not have been surprised, but still, some things don't need to be screamed out for all to see.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Or at least not written down clearly in a day-book on the kitchen counter.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My mom is super organized. Every aspect of her day is planned and each errand or activity is written out and then gets crossed off as they are completed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, I guess she was just being thorough when she wrote down the following entry. This is what my mom has planned for April 14, 2013.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And it's all she has planned for that day, apparently.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e-HcUM5xk34/UV1ljmhJJfI/AAAAAAAAHBg/Q6O3Vg83Kc8/s1600/IMG_5504.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e-HcUM5xk34/UV1ljmhJJfI/AAAAAAAAHBg/Q6O3Vg83Kc8/s640/IMG_5504.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Does she have some hideaway where she secrets off to, to roll around in wads of cash, gold coins and pearls spilling out of ancient chests? </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6uiWp61hdcE/UV1wRnKA17I/AAAAAAAAHCI/cpef6PQm6jI/s1600/mom+and+gold.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6uiWp61hdcE/UV1wRnKA17I/AAAAAAAAHCI/cpef6PQm6jI/s640/mom+and+gold.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: #fefefe; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/litlnemo/" style="background-color: #fefefe; color: #0063dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">litlnemo</a>/Flickr</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Or does she go somewhere where someone else counts her cash for her, while she stand behind him holding a gun? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Do we ever really know our parents?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So if my mom has to set aside an entire day to count her money, that means she must have a crapload of dough, right? She's a pretty good counter, so I imagine she could count pretty high in, say, an 8 hour period.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This brings to mind that for Christmas, I got pot scrubbers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In spite of her secret, I continue to adore my mommy. And not because I expect that she'll ever share her wealth with me. No. I know she's going to donate it all to the church because she's so damned churchy. No. I love her because she's excellent.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Except at skiing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">She kinda sucks at that.</span><br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-58618244447260531612013-03-31T10:56:00.002-04:002013-03-31T14:26:45.273-04:00My Selkirk, 2.0. The Outdoor SeriesYes, I'm back home for a visit, and I thought I'd do another photo essay of my town. Selkirk gets kind of a bad rap. I've heard it referred to as a "Scuzz Town". Well, every town has its less than perfect qualities, and even if Selkirk is a little rough around the edges, I love it, in all its pot holed, red-necked, Crime Stopper footage glory.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OWSIynos11Y/UVhI72OFhCI/AAAAAAAAG9Y/VMDZMb7YH7I/s1600/IMG_5425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OWSIynos11Y/UVhI72OFhCI/AAAAAAAAG9Y/VMDZMb7YH7I/s640/IMG_5425.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Frosty Chuck</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ZE7cMWFG94/UVhI8qv0V-I/AAAAAAAAG9g/MKMPKt4X46M/s1600/IMG_5422.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ZE7cMWFG94/UVhI8qv0V-I/AAAAAAAAG9g/MKMPKt4X46M/s640/IMG_5422.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">8 am. Where is everyone?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qh7_FNxT8Nk/UVhI8q8QufI/AAAAAAAAG9k/bieB-FZsKgs/s1600/IMG_5423.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qh7_FNxT8Nk/UVhI8q8QufI/AAAAAAAAG9k/bieB-FZsKgs/s640/IMG_5423.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-28RGTq3f0EI/UVhJBIUQ56I/AAAAAAAAG9w/Yljm4LDs7YM/s1600/IMG_5429.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-28RGTq3f0EI/UVhJBIUQ56I/AAAAAAAAG9w/Yljm4LDs7YM/s1600/IMG_5429.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">look up. waaaaaay up.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pQl19Q2Hfwk/UVhJBVLslwI/AAAAAAAAG90/zyxj14RtZMQ/s1600/IMG_5427.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pQl19Q2Hfwk/UVhJBVLslwI/AAAAAAAAG90/zyxj14RtZMQ/s640/IMG_5427.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wMJKS1ffbSI/UVhJBcNYRiI/AAAAAAAAG94/2bM5XpO_8BM/s1600/IMG_5430.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wMJKS1ffbSI/UVhJBcNYRiI/AAAAAAAAG94/2bM5XpO_8BM/s640/IMG_5430.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Time for a new sign, methinks.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dZF0zP6xbow/UVhJGCMw9ZI/AAAAAAAAG-I/2HC_xEVwz4c/s1600/IMG_5434.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dZF0zP6xbow/UVhJGCMw9ZI/AAAAAAAAG-I/2HC_xEVwz4c/s640/IMG_5434.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I used to go down this back lane when I'd go over to Pam Stewart's house to play Jello Tree Farm. I tried to get a picture our our old backyard, mom, but there was some guy peeing up against our old garage. I didn't like to disturb him.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QFPtQxef7VQ/UVhJGoQbLCI/AAAAAAAAG-Q/W0OVEcLPxao/s1600/IMG_5432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QFPtQxef7VQ/UVhJGoQbLCI/AAAAAAAAG-Q/W0OVEcLPxao/s640/IMG_5432.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JvmtFlV8OTw/UVhJHfwazEI/AAAAAAAAG-Y/vafTvdP9Uqg/s1600/IMG_5433.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JvmtFlV8OTw/UVhJHfwazEI/AAAAAAAAG-Y/vafTvdP9Uqg/s640/IMG_5433.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Important Selkirk Staple.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X2MDgI8MZEk/UVhJLzjv8EI/AAAAAAAAG-g/3T1Naq_1f8U/s1600/IMG_5435.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-X2MDgI8MZEk/UVhJLzjv8EI/AAAAAAAAG-g/3T1Naq_1f8U/s640/IMG_5435.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sidewalk. Super treacherous.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kwUtNTeNzDA/UVhJMHC0A-I/AAAAAAAAG-k/L7OFgJoZ1oA/s1600/IMG_5437.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kwUtNTeNzDA/UVhJMHC0A-I/AAAAAAAAG-k/L7OFgJoZ1oA/s640/IMG_5437.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The street where I lived</td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IUyS5Vi7A1k/UVhJMXtF8TI/AAAAAAAAG-o/n9y6poaRAf0/s1600/IMG_5436.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IUyS5Vi7A1k/UVhJMXtF8TI/AAAAAAAAG-o/n9y6poaRAf0/s640/IMG_5436.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rosser Ave</td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P4P-nHUSe_Y/UVhJQ75tpVI/AAAAAAAAG_A/byVdgTZp0iI/s1600/IMG_5439.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P4P-nHUSe_Y/UVhJQ75tpVI/AAAAAAAAG_A/byVdgTZp0iI/s640/IMG_5439.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the other street where I lived.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xcPQObvxFfM/UVhJT3XcgLI/AAAAAAAAG_I/511rui9iKms/s1600/IMG_5441.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xcPQObvxFfM/UVhJT3XcgLI/AAAAAAAAG_I/511rui9iKms/s640/IMG_5441.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">frosty trash</td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5eHgwwagNt8/UVhJVMC4ewI/AAAAAAAAG_Q/BQjfgBa1v40/s1600/IMG_5442.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5eHgwwagNt8/UVhJVMC4ewI/AAAAAAAAG_Q/BQjfgBa1v40/s640/IMG_5442.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took a picture of this two years ago. It's still the same.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d3624vDfudQ/UVhJVmNyG_I/AAAAAAAAG_U/oQUBdwmKU5A/s1600/IMG_5443.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d3624vDfudQ/UVhJVmNyG_I/AAAAAAAAG_U/oQUBdwmKU5A/s640/IMG_5443.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Manitoba Ave</td></tr>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3icRzXuFNCU/UVhJYvB3rrI/AAAAAAAAG_g/H8g8_W_BmUc/s1600/IMG_5444.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3icRzXuFNCU/UVhJYvB3rrI/AAAAAAAAG_g/H8g8_W_BmUc/s640/IMG_5444.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tres charmant. I will be going there this visit.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NqVvHr1xEnM/UVhJZfvnyQI/AAAAAAAAG_k/tOUYtcR7uSY/s1600/IMG_5447.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NqVvHr1xEnM/UVhJZfvnyQI/AAAAAAAAG_k/tOUYtcR7uSY/s640/IMG_5447.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ubiquitous mucky snow hill in parking lot</td></tr>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-redaczCj2II/UVhJaGdnbNI/AAAAAAAAG_w/mgQ7WnRPVGw/s1600/IMG_5448.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-redaczCj2II/UVhJaGdnbNI/AAAAAAAAG_w/mgQ7WnRPVGw/s640/IMG_5448.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Selkirk Bridge</td></tr>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H9okz2D6ZrM/UVhJd6iqJTI/AAAAAAAAG_4/ScEWpg-rsEY/s1600/IMG_5450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H9okz2D6ZrM/UVhJd6iqJTI/AAAAAAAAG_4/ScEWpg-rsEY/s640/IMG_5450.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've never been inside.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OzD29xcM6Ts/UVhJeRiTLxI/AAAAAAAAHAA/KbaKr3nzcj0/s1600/IMG_5449.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OzD29xcM6Ts/UVhJeRiTLxI/AAAAAAAAHAA/KbaKr3nzcj0/s640/IMG_5449.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm thinking of doing a photo essay of all the discarded beverage containers along the main street here in Selkirk, but I don't think there's enough space in the internet to accommodate it.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Lrkfpx4Quw4/UVhJjjJhU8I/AAAAAAAAHAQ/RYUxSEZLFvs/s1600/IMG_5454.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Lrkfpx4Quw4/UVhJjjJhU8I/AAAAAAAAHAQ/RYUxSEZLFvs/s640/IMG_5454.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No parking here, bitch. Just for emphasis.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J3shGDBALgQ/UVhJlA6dtOI/AAAAAAAAHAY/gwZYBs_bgP0/s1600/IMG_5456.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J3shGDBALgQ/UVhJlA6dtOI/AAAAAAAAHAY/gwZYBs_bgP0/s640/IMG_5456.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can't really tell, but that's a kid shovelling snow wearing shorts. It's -12 Celcius. Only in Manitoba!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DYDogqg2fuE/UVhJosC7elI/AAAAAAAAHAg/Not4qIgWD6c/s1600/IMG_5457.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DYDogqg2fuE/UVhJosC7elI/AAAAAAAAHAg/Not4qIgWD6c/s640/IMG_5457.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A puddle or a massive pothole? Only one way to find out.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This house stands out and is all sunny and cheerful on a cold grey day. Yellow house don't care. Yellow house don't give a shit.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They tried.</td></tr>
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-76154369954833981672013-03-07T17:34:00.000-05:002013-03-07T17:34:35.055-05:00Meh and BlahFor the past week I have been feeling out of sorts. Not depressed, but more like, Meh and Blah and Whatever. And it's starting to bug me.<br />
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I've tried all the usual things that perk me up.<br />
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And nothing. Not even the kitten in the top hat.<br />
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I blame it on March which is the longest month of the year, both emotionally and scientifically.<br />
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I am tired of snow boots. I look at my boots and I get mean.<br />
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Are you tired of winter? What are your sure fire ways to cure the glums?<br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-81715271670876001662013-02-26T06:45:00.001-05:002013-02-26T07:30:08.506-05:00Ryan's MarmaladeAfter much, much, much badgering, Ryan is not going to start up his blog, Crsipybits at this time.<br />
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This is bull#%$^ people! We need to come together to make it happen. I get mad when Ryan doesn't blog. Or when he doesn't do what I want him to do. Which is write his blog and come on vacations with my husband and me.<br />
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I know that probably sounds like my husband and I take Ryan on our vacations because he is our sex companion. He is not our sex companion.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Oo, you caught us by surprise!</span></td></tr>
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But we can dream can't we?<br />
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Anyway. Fine, then, Ryan. If you're not going to re-boot Crispybits, I'm going to do it.<br />
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So ladies and gentemen, I give you:<br />
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Hi I'm Ryan and I'm super excellent. I'm going to show you people how to make marmalade.<br />
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Today we're going to make my jam-tasctic marmalade that I got from a super fancy recipe book from a different country so don't even try to find it and If I give you the recipe, it will be a scanned photo that's hard to read, so just shut up and sit back and watch me do my magic because you can't touch this, you stupid, stupid person.<br />
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First you need to plan for 3 different types of marmalade and prep them so that they are at 3 different stages in the process of cooking. This makes it easy to show your friends how to make marmalade and makes me look more like a cooking show host. WHICH I AM!<br />
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Then you get your friends to cut up a bunch of oranges, put in some sugar and a splash of booze.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">she is only fake laughing.</td></tr>
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Boil the sweet heck out of them. The oranges. Not your friends.<br />
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Also boil some jars.<br />
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Put the liquid gold into these jars.<br />
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Action shots show how dynamic is this process, when you are me.<br />
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Here, eat some of these snacks to keep you fortified so you can....<br />
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Clean up, you bitches!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I make the 17 month pregnant woman do the hard chores.</td></tr>
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Here's some homemade soda bread that I veganized so that pernickety bitch-pants Reid can have some.<br />
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I am amazing. And dangerous.<br />
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And <i>VOILA</i>, you have marmalade.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_AFCVbRV70A/USuGxy604II/AAAAAAAAG0g/m2VGWUJk-d0/s1600/IMG_5119.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_AFCVbRV70A/USuGxy604II/AAAAAAAAG0g/m2VGWUJk-d0/s640/IMG_5119.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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The recipe is from Christine Ferber's, <i>Mes Confitures</i>. That's French for My Jams, in case you were wondering. This particular recipe takes 3 days to complete because why even BOTHER doing something that doesn't take that long. Jesus, I am amazing.<br />
<br />
So, there you have it. Marmalade. I made it, you enjoy it, you worship me. It's just the way it is. And ever shall be.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
<br />
Ryan.<br />
<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-78918068892372999192013-02-04T09:44:00.003-05:002013-02-04T09:45:18.746-05:00I can't tell celebrities apart any more.<span style="font-size: large;">I don't like the new things. I don't understand all your new fangledness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Also, I get things mixed up a lot. Like days of the week. Like recipes. Like medications.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't tell celebrities apart anymore. They all blur into each other.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here are a few celebrities I regularly am confused by:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F5BISUUwBFQ/UQwbFqjt_2I/AAAAAAAAGso/r6qbLr6xuWQ/s1600/carrie+and+reese.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F5BISUUwBFQ/UQwbFqjt_2I/AAAAAAAAGso/r6qbLr6xuWQ/s640/carrie+and+reese.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Carrie Underwood AND Reese Witherspoon</span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZKuzUGIdF70/UQwbHKeAW8I/AAAAAAAAGsw/JC2BSRPv2xw/s1600/ed+and+patrick+jane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZKuzUGIdF70/UQwbHKeAW8I/AAAAAAAAGsw/JC2BSRPv2xw/s640/ed+and+patrick+jane.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Simon Baker (aka The Mentalist) AND Ed Speelers (James from Downton Abbey)</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YpqRnBWM7Pc/UQwbJRFK1EI/AAAAAAAAGs4/d4uZt7H8GMs/s1600/katy+and+zooey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YpqRnBWM7Pc/UQwbJRFK1EI/AAAAAAAAGs4/d4uZt7H8GMs/s640/katy+and+zooey.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel</span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7dtKctrrEek/UQwbMQAcwlI/AAAAAAAAGtA/WXxXlhVvSd8/s1600/stana+and+svu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7dtKctrrEek/UQwbMQAcwlI/AAAAAAAAGtA/WXxXlhVvSd8/s640/stana+and+svu.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Stana Katic (of Castle) AND <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order SVU)</span></span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1cGvitujUHs/UQwbODdDN3I/AAAAAAAAGtI/95HIKhSXRyg/s1600/nick+and+vince.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1cGvitujUHs/UQwbODdDN3I/AAAAAAAAGtI/95HIKhSXRyg/s640/nick+and+vince.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Josh Morrow (aka Nick Newman on the Young and the Restless, AND Vincent D'onofrio</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-37ZFQr4AXrU/UQwbPwR5-4I/AAAAAAAAGtQ/S_7wDywT43U/s1600/piper+and+kitten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-37ZFQr4AXrU/UQwbPwR5-4I/AAAAAAAAGtQ/S_7wDywT43U/s640/piper+and+kitten.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Piper Perabo of Covert Affairs AND a Lost Kitten</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S7lyxFXmUow/UQwcmLTEEpI/AAAAAAAAGtY/d0JxI5tgZzM/s1600/adam+oates+and+spock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S7lyxFXmUow/UQwcmLTEEpI/AAAAAAAAGtY/d0JxI5tgZzM/s640/adam+oates+and+spock.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Washington Caps coach, Adam Oates, AND Spock.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EPeCOsk75HI/UQyDD4w1ivI/AAAAAAAAGwo/-mDyWQdPPss/s1600/blonde+and+beeb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EPeCOsk75HI/UQyDD4w1ivI/AAAAAAAAGwo/-mDyWQdPPss/s640/blonde+and+beeb.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">This blonde lady who I have no idea who she is AND The Smeebs</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c1r3GnB36ZU/UQyDHj_IClI/AAAAAAAAGww/w8_7oFIFarE/s1600/frank+and+Stephen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-c1r3GnB36ZU/UQyDHj_IClI/AAAAAAAAGww/w8_7oFIFarE/s640/frank+and+Stephen.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Major Frank Burns AND Stephen Harper</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oKh0jhHS97M/UQyDHzohejI/AAAAAAAAGw0/jOnMUMPHC3o/s1600/Hip+and+Dummies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oKh0jhHS97M/UQyDHzohejI/AAAAAAAAGw0/jOnMUMPHC3o/s640/Hip+and+Dummies.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Lead guitarist of The Tragically Hip AND Lead Guitarist of CTDs</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JNwQ_hUMvH4/UQ_JKqE-kyI/AAAAAAAAGyY/1MYbUXSJxg4/s1600/ellen+and+model.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JNwQ_hUMvH4/UQ_JKqE-kyI/AAAAAAAAGyY/1MYbUXSJxg4/s640/ellen+and+model.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ellen from CTD's and that one model from the 1980's.</span></td></tr>
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-92024101931943453762013-02-01T15:37:00.000-05:002013-02-01T15:37:13.632-05:00January's Crochet--a-Long<span style="font-size: large;">I took part in the Crochet-a-Long hosted by <a href="http://www.thecuriouspug.com/p/will-hook-for-yarn-crochet-along.html" target="_blank">Alycia over at The Curious Pug. </a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This month's project was a pair of adorable Mary-Jane slippers.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Everyone did such a great job.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Except me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Everyone else's slippers are cute and finished nicely. They all have small, cute feet.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Mine look like reggae threw up on my feet.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DqAkBIhPP3I/UQwmQ_hs4vI/AAAAAAAAGu4/05M6tVQKdSk/s1600/IMG_5145.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DqAkBIhPP3I/UQwmQ_hs4vI/AAAAAAAAGu4/05M6tVQKdSk/s640/IMG_5145.JPG" width="480" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sam says, "Seriously?"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m-sEu5zY-LE/UQwmSEaLirI/AAAAAAAAGvE/0Q5uQphVbhY/s1600/IMG_5146.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m-sEu5zY-LE/UQwmSEaLirI/AAAAAAAAGvE/0Q5uQphVbhY/s640/IMG_5146.JPG" width="480" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Fiona says "Gross".</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So I tried again.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gJieu_8D0u0/UQwmSMbW7CI/AAAAAAAAGvA/b6_6E7vHI2Y/s1600/IMG_5147.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gJieu_8D0u0/UQwmSMbW7CI/AAAAAAAAGvA/b6_6E7vHI2Y/s640/IMG_5147.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's more like a Butternut Squash Cozy.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't even finish the second one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, it wasn't a total waste of time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzIHYmqZbWLxnMThlMElYSNYaVo0gRYuGlK1qlgDKoh9_lyIVBf7sBoiJ2tNy28qS044HJs8T730HBb7MWK4g' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This one was beyond me, Alycia. But I tried. I really tried.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Not really. I totally half-assed it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Next time, I'll work harder.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Promise.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sorta.</span><br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-6493066853013813132013-02-01T13:54:00.003-05:002013-02-01T13:54:28.846-05:00I think I've ruined my cat<span style="font-size: large;">There is a good reason I do not have children.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, several reasons, but the main one being that I know in my heart I would be a lousy mother.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm all fine with 15 minute bursts of fun activities and buying matching outfits, but any attempts at actual parenting would have been, as the young people say, "an epic fail".</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Nowhere is this lack of parental skill more clearly manifested than in my inability to raise a normal animal.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Fiona, my cat. The cat that I love more than anything. Even cake. Even Santa.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9tbqSg-SsGk/UQwGzXuaFPI/AAAAAAAAGpQ/GuiKptnA7Uw/s1600/fiona+love+in+a+basket+3+dec+2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9tbqSg-SsGk/UQwGzXuaFPI/AAAAAAAAGpQ/GuiKptnA7Uw/s640/fiona+love+in+a+basket+3+dec+2012.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Fiona is awesome and came to us that way from Toronto Animal Services. She was about a year old and was a stray. While I was "Ooooo-ing" and "Ahhhh-ing" over the fluffy beauties, I failed to notice the tabby/tortie that was desperately trying to get my attention.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Brian said "You need to look at this one".</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"But she's not fluffy and grey", I whined.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"Remember the last time you picked a pet based on how it looked"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"Right", I responded. And so the cat that worked the hardest got to go home with us that day.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ogDkgk_LOzs/UQwO5xH9s7I/AAAAAAAAGrM/tvEljdhRJdY/s1600/finding+fiona.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ogDkgk_LOzs/UQwO5xH9s7I/AAAAAAAAGrM/tvEljdhRJdY/s640/finding+fiona.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Fiona fit right in immediately. No weirdness, no soiling the furniture (that came later, but only when she was really mad at Brian). She liked to be with her people and to play. The laser pointer was a huge hit, as well as some bouncy balls that she'd chase down the stairs and return to us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Almost every night, she brings a gift to us in the bedroom, be it a pen, a candy wrapper or a hair elastic. She's so generous.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But now I've spoiled her so rotten that I worry she's beyond redemption.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">At bed time Fiona will wait until I'm tucked in to bed and then start meowing. She wants me to come downstairs and play hair elastic hockey with her.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm tired, but dammit, she's calling to me!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I hear this:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rMDNkTBRQGQ/UQrlptPzYbI/AAAAAAAAGnk/p4Z5W9R5FrM/s1600/what+Ellen+hears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rMDNkTBRQGQ/UQrlptPzYbI/AAAAAAAAGnk/p4Z5W9R5FrM/s640/what+Ellen+hears.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Brian hears this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wb4uZyMWpkI/UQrlrJc-7WI/AAAAAAAAGns/sfCClzLMXMk/s1600/what+Brian+hears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wb4uZyMWpkI/UQrlrJc-7WI/AAAAAAAAGns/sfCClzLMXMk/s640/what+Brian+hears.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This is hair elastic hockey. Note how her pupils dilate at about 1:05, if you make it that long. I know it's not interesting to anyone but me. But the internet is my bitch and I will make it watch my cat play games for as long as I see fit.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She has developed this habit of wanting me to watch her eat. She'll circle around my legs til I go down to the furnace room where her food is and I have to pet her while she eats. She purrs like mad and looks up at me like I am the Best. Thing. Ever.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r26cdURNk8o/UQrmbtI2qyI/AAAAAAAAGn0/ZZfNDOztVkw/s1600/fiona+loves+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="376" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r26cdURNk8o/UQrmbtI2qyI/AAAAAAAAGn0/ZZfNDOztVkw/s640/fiona+loves+me.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She drinks her water from a glass on the kitchen counter. That's right. No one will ever want to come to my house for dinner ever again.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Portrait of Water. And Fiona.<br /></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">While I'm on the treadmill she will sit with her back to me. As soon as I am done she hops up on the treadmill, flops on her back and demands to have her belly rubbed. Then she'll lick the sweat off my shins. I wonder if this would be poisonous to her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Her favourite place to have her evening snack is on an unfinished needlepoint of the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Awwwwwwww, it's like she's smooching Maggie Smith!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br />When I go out, Fiona will wait for me by the door - or at least she's always there sitting in the same spot when I come home. If she is upstairs when I come home I hear a *thump....skitter skitter" as she runs downstairs to greet me.<br /><br />Who could ask for anything more.<br /><br />So I suppose if I have ruined my cat, I've ruined her in the best way. She's my baby.<br /><br /></span><br /></td></tr>
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Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-72714987068361319062013-01-22T08:40:00.000-05:002013-01-22T08:40:15.358-05:00My Nemesis --- Niacin<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/q6TIsxTdrCU?rel=0" width="420"></iframe>
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Who knew that one of the Snap Crackle Pop guys from Rice Crispies was an asshole<br />
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Snap and Crackle, well, those guys are alright. Respectively known to their friends as Riboflavin and Thiamine, they do their jobs professionally, and take care of their families like mature, well rounded cartoon character representations of vitamins should.<br />
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Snap, wearing his baker's cap is the nurturer, ensuring that people are fed and nourished. Crackle, with his adorable striped stocking cap, is upbeat and promoting wellness with his Thiamine Rockstar Party.<br />
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Pop, well he's the wildcard. Pop/Niacin is a finicky bastard. Ex-marine gone rogue, judging by the hat. Dis-honorable discharge. Couldn't make the charges stick, but he DID the crime. Now he's a hired gun. Shooting down hapless fools who are too fricking stupid to read lables and follow recommended dose amounts before they let old Niacin into their temples. He claims he's essential for nervous system and brain function, energy metabolism and skin and digestive health.<br />
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Fine, that may be true, but Niacin doesn't speak up and warn people who are too lazy to read bottles that he can cause a reaction that mimics being on fire from the inside.<br />
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Ellen the Idiot, invited Niacin the Wildcard Trickster in, on an empty stomach. She took one pill and within one minute this is how she looked:<br />
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My skin, from my head to my stomach was on fire and prickly feeling.<br />
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I felt a little nauseated and light headed but nothing major.<br />
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Consulted doctor internet who told me I should both relax and that I should get to ER immediately.<br />
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I opted to call tele health - a service here in Ontario where you can talk to a nurse practitioner who can determine whether you are at death's door or whether you've just taken way too much of an over the counter vitamin and that you should calm the hell down. Apparently 500mg of Niacin is, like, 2000 times the recommended daily dose. Oopsie. I need a research assistant for general aspects of my daily life:<br />
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Naturally, feeling this weird and prickly all over, coupled with mild dizziness and exceptional poop action, I had to call Megan, my doctor friend. Thank God Monday is her day off.<br />
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She talked me thru it and distracted me from my adrenaline infused shakes. After taking a couple of Mama's Little Calm The Hell Down pills I felt much better. Thank you Megan for distracting me with gossip about Ryan and such.<br />
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By the time Brian got home I was almost free of the niacin flush, but the Ativan was still working it's special magic.<br />
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I was in bed asleep by 8:30.<br />
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So kids, let this be a warning to you about the importance of reading labels and doing research before you pop a pill - even an innocent vitamin bought from the health food store. You might end up on fire from the inside and calling Dr. Galadriel for calming advice.<br />
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Ugh.<br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235833554612152962.post-45067358527534262262013-01-17T18:46:00.001-05:002013-01-17T18:46:15.146-05:00Back to where I once belonged.Oh how the mighty have fallen. Not that I was mighty, but I used to be a lot mightier - at least in terms of my physical fitness.<br />
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Two years ago, an hour long, 6.5 mile run was my EASY DAY.<br />
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Today it's a major coup if I wear clean pyjamas.<br />
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I was so into running - I looked and felt great.<br />
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Then I went on the road with the band and things got a little tricky what with hotels not having equipment and a hectic travel schedule. Still, I kept up the running for a while. But I got lazy, as one does. And soon, instead of running 40 miles a week, I was running 30. Then 25. Then none.<br />
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I want to be a runner. I want to look like those lone, brave warriors shuffling along the boardwalk by the lake in sub zero temps. I once was that warrior princess. I want it back.<br />
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I want to return to the days when my arms were kinda weird and skinny, but I was a size 8.<br />
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Here I am three years ago:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I thought I still could have lost a few. Jesus Effing Christ.</td></tr>
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Yes. I was a size 8. Yes. It matters to me.<br />
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Here I am now. I am not a size 8:<br />
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What happened. How did this happen. I weep.<br />
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So I doubt I can get back to my scrawny armed look from 2010. But I'd like to at least lose the matronly look.<br />
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I also want to ward off heart disease and increase my bone mass and be more fit overall (yah, like, whatever).<br />
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So here's what I'm going to do and I'm telling you this so I'll be guilted into complying with my own stupid rule...<br />
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IT'S THE 10 MINUTE 30 DAY (31 day) JOGGING SUPER SLOWLY CHALLENGE!!!!<br />
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I am going to commit to doing a minimum of 10 minutes a day on my treadmill for the next 31 days. It's actually only 30 days because one of those days I'll be up at 4 am to get an ass-early flight to the Dominican Republic and I won't be able to manage a jog at 3:30am. Ain't gonna happen. So it's 30 days (of 31).<br />
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Ten minutes is a very very small amount - especially compared to what I had been doing a few years ago. But it's best to commit to a minimum, right? And also, running every day is not supposed to be that good for you, but 10 minutes hardly even qualifies for a warm up in the real world, so I think I'll be safe.<br />
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I'm not expecting to fit into my bikini by the end of the 31 days - or even after 20 when I arrive in the DR. But at least I'll have a routine.<br />
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If I am ill or injured, I will allow myself to rest, but will have to add the day on at the end.<br />
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If you would like to join me in my 10 MINUTE 30 DAY (31 day) JOGGING SUPER SLOWLY CHALLENGE!!!!, please do. I'd love the company.<br />
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<br />Elpoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09937816192419460331noreply@blogger.com0