June 25, 2012. Nothing Doing.

Hi there, just a quick pop in to say hello. Hardly even worth posting, but I'm pretty devoted to you. Hopelessly, even.

I've been so busy making little thank you notes to people for all the donations that I haven't had time to write up/draw up a blog. I am so moved by everyone's generosity! In the language of cows, I ay thank you:

Moo moo moo.  Moo. Moo moo.


I am making sourdough bread today, from my own starter that I've been "growing" for over a week now. Hopefully it turns out.

Sam is sleeping on the couch next to me. He's such a lovely dog. Goofy. Like his Daddy. Lazy. Like his Mommy.

Do not buy Mrs. Meyers brand Lavender Bathroom Cleaner. It's supposed to be "all natural ingredients" but it makes me cough up a lung whenever I use it. There's got to be something toxic in there. Maybe it's Death.

Ok. That's all. Time to go and continue refreshing Facebook every 15 seconds. Just in case.

Fifty years from now there will be a Mental Health diagnosis with the word "Facebook" in it.

Hell, in ten years.


kisses,
Elpoo

Foodie Friday - Vegan Pizza

A friend, who shall remain anonymous, but his name is Roger, said that vegan pizza is tomato on a lettuce leaf.


Today's blog is dedicated to him.


In an attempt to keep the peace around my house, I try to make my vegan meals as appealing as possible to my extremely handsome, intelligent, hilarious and supportive husband who shall remain nameless, but he has been called, from time to time, Brian Flay. 


Other than the millet patties, he's given everything his seal of approval, which looks something like this:

At risk of even further destroying my attempts to drop a few pounds, I decided that it would be a good idea to make pizza. 


I love pizza. Same as most of the sentient world.


I actually love pizza crust the most. If you don't like the crusts, I will eat yours for you, ok? I used to get upset when Brian fed his crusts to the dogs. WTF! He made it very clear the pecking order of love in our household.

Homemade pizza is not a big deal, especially if you buy your dough pre made, or even use a pre made crust. I make mine from scratch because I find it quite satisfying and I prefer to control what goes into the dough when I can, which is not always possible for many folks. 


I make my dough in my food processor, using the recipe that came with the machine. I bought my Cuisinart 19 years ago while we were recording God Shuffled His Feet. We were in Lake Geneva Wisconsin, and I figured I'd NEVER be able to find a Cuisinart in Canada, so bought it there and had it shipped back to Canada. Ended up paying about $150 more than I would have if I could have just bloody waited to get back to Winnipeg. Idiot.


Anyway, the recipe has never failed for me.


Cuisinart Pizza Dough


preheat oven to 425 degrees


2/3 C warm water
1 tsp sugar (I used agave nectar)
1 package yeast


Dissolve yeast in water/sugar mixture and let stand until foamy - about 10 minutes. If there's no action, your yeast is probably no good, so you need to start again with a good packet.


1 and 2/3 C flour and 2 tsp salt 


- put in the bowl of your food processor with the metal blade attached.


With machine running, pour yeast mixture into bowl through the feed tube. Let run about 45 seconds until dough ball forms and no longer sticks to the side of the bowl.


1 T olive oil


Add olive oil through feed tube and process a further 60 seconds. If dough is too sticky you can add more flour, a Table spoon at a time, til nice, smooth dough ball forms and isn't sticking to the side of the bowl.


Pop dough out onto floured surface and roll to 16-18 inches in diameter




Bake on a cornmeal sprinkled pizza stone or lightly oiled pizza pan for 6 minutes at 425 degrees.

_________________________________________________


Now comes the easy part. Just put whatever you want on the pizza crust. Of course you want to make sure there are no animal products, otherwise the pizza will burn and something very bad will happen to someone somewhere - and you don't want that responsibility, do you?


So you got your pizza sauce (home made or store bought as you prefer), peppers, chopped shallots, mushrooms (Brian says no to mushrooms), spinach, basil, vegan cheese (I used Daiya), herbs and there you go.


Or go all crazy with roasted beets, shredded kale, chickpeas, hummus, onions, thinly sliced zucchini, etc.


Sprinkle nutritional yeast on top for extra protein and vitamin B12 rock and roll action.

I put basil and raw spinach in the food processor to shred it all up and sprinkled it, willy nilly, on the crust.


Willy.


Nilly.




Pop it all back into the oven for about 18-20 minutes.

Serve to delighted folks.


I won't pretend that vegan pizza is like pizza topped with cow's milk cheese. It's not the same. It doesn't have that ooey gooey-ness and grease factor that makes dairy topped pizza so decadent. No, vegan pizza is a little more reserved, but is less likely to clog your arteries. 


Now that's something to bite into!

Stop the Presses! I'm taking a Stand on Something!!!

I never volunteer or do anything for anyone else that involves effort. I don't like protest marches. I don't want to wear a rubber awareness bracelet.


But lately, I've been thinking a lot about pigs and how awesome they are.

Therefore, I am going to be participating in the Toronto Walk for the Animals walk for Farm Sanctuary on Sept 29, 2012.




I don't give a crap about much, so this is kind of a big deal for me.


And yes, I am asking for your support.

Everyone who donates will get their own thank you card, drawn by me here at My Complete Lack of Boundaries. Some of you who have already donated (freaking geniuses who are super good looking) have their cards done on Facebook. I'll post all of the cards just before the walk.


I don't like to hit people up for donations for stuff, but you understand, don't you? Like, even 5 bucks would be super awesome. 


Five bucks.


Or come and walk with me if you're in Toronto on Sept 29th. We can hold hands and cry and spit fire together. Set up your own donation epicentre or team at the Toronto Walk Website. 


Of course, there's no pressure. But I'll know if you don't cough it up. I'll know.


No pressure.


And you know that guy Peter Dinklage, star of the hit boobies series Game of Thrones? 

Well he's like the celebrity endorser,  and I know you don't want to disappoint Peter. Here is Peter explaining why you will be super sexy if you support me in this cause: 

He's a Lannister. And Lannisters pay their debts. And by debts, I mean donations to this cause I'm supporting.


I originally set my goal as $1000, but I seem to have blackmailed inspired enough people to get half way there already, in just one day. So I will be upping my goal to more like $2500.


Five bucks. Please please please?


And if you can't swing it at this time, can you ask all your friends? At your office? Ask your Nana?


Here is Farm Sanctuary's website where they explain the what and, more importantly the WHY of what they do. You don't have to be a vegan or vegetarian to know that no living creature should have to live the way millions upon millions of animals do every day. I'd post pictures, but it's seriously messed up stuff and it upsets me. But I encourage you to check it out so that you know what I'm talking about.


Thanks so much!


Elpoo


So thank you, very much if you can support me. It's weird, but good, to actually feel this strongly about anything.


xo
Elpoo

Just Shod Me.

It is super hard to be me. Have I mentioned that?


I know I said I wasn't going to talk about vegan stuff all the time, but it's kind of on my mind a lot. The food part has been pretty easy. It's the rest that is taking some effort (and you know how I feel about making an effort).


But, I am committed to doing this.


I have a lot of leather shoes. I'm not going to throw them away, Mom, so stop right there. But I do want to get a couple pairs of vegan shoes to support the industry and for when I do vegan activities, like tree hugging, levitating, and curing cancer just by walking in a room.


There are actually a lot of places that sell vegan friendly shoes. And because they aren't made with leather, they are usually pretty inexpensive.


Unfortunately, few of them have options for ladies with feet like mine. Epic feet. Feet of size. Grand feet. Big Beautiful Feet. People for the Acceptance of Large Feet.


People like me.

And my feet aren't even that that big. Like, size 11.  So I should be able to find some decent options. What about my sisters of the size 12 and beyond? Are they supposed to wear old banana peels and recycled bread bags on their feet in order to accessorize fashionably, kindly and sustainably?

So after poking around the internet, here are a few of the size 11 options available in vegan shoes.

US Flag lace up boots by Pleaser. For the Vegan Wonder woman in all of us.

Iron Fist "Wolfbeater". Seriously. That's what they are called.

Dansko "clog" things. These are the shoes that you see at the end of the dangly Muppet legs when they are sitting on a wall or something. While I am drawn to their bright colour and whimsy, I am baffled as to how to make these work with any outfit or in any situation.

This puppet named Emily, can clearly rock those shoes.

I did end up finding a couple pairs at Planetshoes.com that weren't horrific. I don't know what I'll do come winter.

Chooze "Spin". I'm a wacky vegan because my shoes don't match.

These Merrell sandals I ordered say "Comfort" and "I've given up".

So apparently, my options are to be a patriotic prostitute, a pre-pubescent slipper wearing shuffler, a Muppet or a crystal sniffing Grandmother. Curse you, large feet! 


None of these are bad options, per se. I wonder what all four of those options combined would look like. I should ask Karl Lagerfeld. He'd know for sure.

nymag.com

Patriotic Prostitute: Check.
Muppet: Check
Crystal Sniffing Grandmother: Sort of. More like an Evil Wizard
Pre-pubescent Slipper Shuffler: No. Not that. More like an Evil Wizard.

Karl Lagerfeld does not make vegan shoes for women with big feet. Or vegan shoes period. He'd probably tell me my feet were too fat. Ha. Fine. Maybe they are, Karl, but you look like some one implanted a frog in your chin.


That was mean.


Sorry Karl. Make me some vegan shoes in size 11, oh Great Evil Wizard.  

Foodie Friday - Coconut Chickpea Spinach Fritters, Detox Kitchen Sink Salad and Peanut-Lime Dressing. A Holy Vegan Triad of Recipes.

Most recipes out there in recipe land are for 4 or more people. Sure, you can often halve them if there's just two of you. But then you wouldn't have leftovers. And leftovers are what keep my marriage strong.


That, and television.


Brian has been delightfully supportive of my new vegantastic ways, and has been a willing guinea pig for all of my recipe experiments (he is the only animal I ever test on). 


Today's offering is a delicious fritter recipe by Kathy Palatsky at Happy. Healthy. Life. The recipe is posted HERE in it's original form.


I've copied it here, but you should really check out Kathy's SITE. Amazing ideas.

Spinach-Coconut Chickpea Fritters, by Kathy Palatsky
vegan, makes about 10 cakes

1 can cannelloni beans, drained & mashed
1 can chickpeas, drained & half-mashed
1 1/4 cups frozen spinach (or fresh wilted/chopped)
3/4 cup nutritional yeast
1/4 cup Panko bread crumbs + another cup for coating
1 tsp agave syrup
2 Tbsp coconut milk (the hard white part after chilled)
1/4 tsp pink salt
pepper

safflower oil for frying

Directions:

1. Add the beans, nutritional yeast, coconut milk, salt, pepper and agave syrup to a large mixing bowl. Mash until the cannelloni beans are all smashed, and half the chickpeas are smashed.
2. Fold in the spinach and 1/4 cup Panko crumbs.
3. Heat a skillet over med-high heat with 1-2 Tbsp of safflower oil.
4. Roll a small ball of the bean mixture in the extra 1 cup of Panko crumbs. Add to pan. Repeat until pan if filled. (Note: you can also bake the fritters for about 15 minutes at 375 degrees)
5. Cool on each side about 2 minutes. Remove from pan and allow fritters to cool on paper bowl. They will be very delicate upon removing from pan.
6. Serve warm or chill in fridge. Chilled fritters will firm up quite nicely and taste amazing too!

mushed up patty mixture.

close up of mushed up patty mixture

patties ready for baking. I fried Brian's. Fried tastes better.

Kathy paired her fritters with a luscious looking guacamole, but in an attempt to dial down the calories, I opted to make Isa Chandra Moslowitz's Guacamame from her  vegan cookbook Appetite for Reduction. It uses a combination of avocado and edamame and is very very good.

garlic toast, carrots, and you're good to go!

So I'm left with 5 patties and what to do, what to do.


I thought, for lunch tomorrow, I'll crumble a patty into my Detox Kitchen Salad. I adapted the Detox Salad from Oh She Glows. Here's my version:

Detox  Kitchen Sink Salad

adapted from Oh She Glows
serves 6 – 8

ingredients:

• 3 cups broccoli crowns
• 4 cups cauliflower
• 2 medium carrots, shredded
• 2 cups finely chopped kale
• 2 cups spinach
• 1/3 C or so red onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup sunflower seeds
• 1 cup dried, unsweetened currants
• 2 C thawed edamame
• handful of cherry tomatoes, halved.

 In a food processor fitted with a steel blade, process the broccoli and cauliflower, in batches until fine and add them to a large mixing bowl. Put the kale and spinach and red onion in the food processor and pulse til tiny Pour into bowl with broccoli and cauliflower, and add the shredded carrot. Stir in the rest of the ingredients to combine.

A Bowl Full of Awesome

Mmm. Yums. 

I use the Lime-Peanut Dragon Dressing from Appetite for Reduction. It is epic. I use it for all of my salads these days.

 Lime Peanut Dressing   (adapted from Isa Chandra Moskowitz's Appetite for Reduction)

1/4 C roasted peanuts
juice from 2 limes, plus the zest from one of the limes (zest the lime before juicing)
2 T chopped shallots

-pulse in a small food processor with metal blade til blended.

Add 1/2 C water
2 T soy sauce
1 tsp Chinese hot sauce
1/3 C cilantro
1/2 T sesame oil

process til as smooth as you like it. I like it a little bit crunchy.

I offer the Lime Peanut dressing to the Gods of Dressings.

So here's my genius combination of my three things. Detox Kitchen Sink Salad with crumbled coconut-chickpea fritters with Lime-Peanut dressing. Lunchtastic!

Say that 10 times fast. And then eat it up! Yum!

Further to my wanting to eat to feel better, we're growing our own anti-nauseants. We just started seeing some buds!

Crescent Fresh? But is it Friendly?

I need you to all look at this thing.


I know I am, as usual, late to the party and this thing has probably been floating around for the past million years, but I just saw it recently. Ergo, it is newly fascinating and should be to you, too.


A friend posted this on my Facebook page.











Discuss.


I simply can NOT stop watching this. 


My friend Rob says it's like a train wreck - that he can't look away. But I think it's much more than that. Much more devious. I think it's a mind trick that the Crescent Fresh creators are playing in order to access our internets and steal our banking information and Twitter passwords and skin samples. 

Cute sock puppets? Or the faces of Evil?

We're so mesmerized by the song that we don't notice that they are quietly hacking into our files and stealing our cyber souls. And it's not just while the song is playing.


No.


This song will linger in your psyche for days and you'll be pretty much unable to do anything other than replay the video, sing the song to yourself (even on the toilet, dammit) and look at your friends with a critical, judgemental eye - are they crescent fresh? Are their whole lives a mess?


It's got to the point that I think I need an intervention. Is there a 12 step program to get off of Crescent Fresh? 


I mean, I've pretty much accepted that I am powerless in the face of the Crescent Fresh song.


But how to move on, and quickly, before this video ruins my relationships, my health, my life?

In the Battle Between Good and Evil Blog Posts, Good Will Be Victorious!

Like all bloggers, I keep track of my stats. I like to see which posts get the most views, which search terms have led people to accidentally land on my blog (sorry people who wanted naked pictures of Stevie Nicks) and which countries think I'm the prettiest (Guam, I guess). 

I also have noted that I recently "lost" a follower. This is so sad. What have I done that you should forsake me, friend? It's probably my mom. She gets weirded out by my constant references to poops and douche-bags and the weird crap she does when she gets super super super high on meth that she makes in her own bathtub. Sorry, mom. I really just need to express myself.


Anyway.


There has been an exciting trend in my stats: The Ted Nugent blog (May 20, 2011), long the most often viewed piece has recently been over taken by the Where's Allie Brosh blog (March 7, 2012). I've been watching this perfect storm approaching for months and people, it has been fascinating!


Many people viewed the Ted Nugent blog because they clicked on an image of him and it brought them to my site, where they were likely disappointed to find a rant on what an utter douche he is. The truth hurts.


Here's a short poem about it:


My Ted Nuge-ant
Is a Douche-rant
Has less views
Than A. Brosh's dos.


Many people viewed the Allie Brosh piece because they are fans of her blog and were looking to find out what is going on with her and are wondering if she's coming back.


And now my Allie Brosh bit has received more hits (in substantially less time) than the Ted Nugent bit. 


To me this is nothing less than good conquering evil, the sun dispersing the clouds, Harry Potter killing Voldemorte. 

A vote for Allie is a vote for humanity, equality and adorable kittens.


A vote for Ted Nugent is a vote for the zombie apocalypse.

I am so happy that the internet is choosing truth and light. Thank you internets. 


This is probably less interesting to you than it is to me. But I've had a fair bit of coffee and coffee makes me have opinions, damn it. 

Foodie Friday: Tori's Bakeshop and Elpoo's Ginger Cookies.

So it’s been 8 weeks that I’ve been following a vegan diet and I can tell you that it’s going great. I don’t miss any of the “old” foods, and I’ve discovered a huge array of new recipes and foods that have made my diet more varied, so deprivation is certainly not an issue. 

Finding eateries that serve vegan dishes is a little more of a challenge. So imagine my delight when Tori’s Bakeshop opened in my neighbourhood.

Tori’s is vegan, organic, locally sourced and charming to the nth degree. There are also many gluten free options.

Sarah and I went there and aligned our Chaka Khans and gossiped about our friends.

I had a chocolate chip spelt cookie, and Sarah had an amazing blueberry scone thing. We both had lattes made with organic almond milk. So yummy.

I really hope that they branch out into sandwiches and small plates. There was a steady stream of customers, so hopefully this little gem will flourish. I swear to you, this place is so sweet you just want to hug people when you're there.

This could be a problem if you are smelly, or the only other customer is covered in spikes and broken glass.

Could happen.

Tres charmant

When I got home I was so inspired by baked vegan goodness that I thought I should do a little baked goods magic of my own.

I’d been craving gingersnaps, so sourced a recipe online HERE, from the fine fox at Ohladycakes.com, but made some small changes that I will outline below.

Note, these gingersnaps are more ginger cookies - they are chewy as opposed to “snappy”. You might need to add a couple tablespoons of flour, if you're craving a harder cookie. They are perfect with a cup of tea, or shoved into your cake hole 3 at a time at rapidly repeated intervals before you can shake yourself and say, “Hey idiot, just because they are vegan, doesn’t make them low calorie”. 

Just so as you know.

Vegantastic Ginger Cookies

1/2 C vegan butter (Earth Balance)

3/4 C maple sugar (makes for a deeper flavour, but expensive, so you can sub out other vegany sugar)

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 C fancy molasses

3 Tbsp vegan sour cram (Tofutti)

2 tsp ground ginger

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 and 1/2 C all purpose flour, unbleached.

Oven: 350

In a small bowl mix together spices, baking soda and flour. Set aside.

In a large bowl of a mixer, blend together butter, sugar, molasses, sour cream and extract. Beat for 1-2 minutes until very well combined and creamy. 

Add dry ingredients and mix until just well combined. Drop by Tablespoonfuls onto baking sheet.


Sprinkle with additional maple sugar, if desired.


Bake for 15 minutes (check at about 12 minutes, as oven temperatures vary). They should be slightly browned on the bottom. Cool for a bit on the cookie sheets and then move them to a cooling rack to cool thoroughly. The original recipe says these will keep for 3 days. I popped mine into a freezer bag and take them out as I need them.

Apparently I need them all the time and a lot at once.

Makes 25 cookies.

About 90 calories a cookie. I know - you wouldn’t think something so cute and innocent would pack such a caloric punch. Try not to think about it while you’re binging on them. Just think of it as your duty.

Downton Abbey

You know if I like something that it is no longer a fringe concept. I seem to only jump on bandwagons once they have got rolling and they are ready to roll out of town.  Maybe it’s smart. I’m waiting to see what the mainstream of society thinks about a particular trend - the people of the world are my test subjects, and I will not become part of a popular activity/idea/movement unless it has been proven to be funny, to not cause cancer, and certainly not until there is extensive tie-in merchandising.

Which brings me to Downton Abbey, of course.

My friend Sarah, who keeps me in the know about all things British cozy/period drama/ways of cooking with soda pop, told me a very long time ago that there was a show I should watch called Downton Abbey, that I would love it. I said, I will get on that, dear friend, because I know you’ve never directed me falsely. 

Two years later...

Oh my God, I love Downton Abbey!

And so does the rest of the sentient world, apparently.

What is it about this show that makes me swoon with gender stereotypical rapture? The utter romance of star crossed lovers Mary and Matthew? The tension of the pure and true love between Mr. Bates and Anna. The sweetness of waiting for the big-time come-uppance that must befall Thomas and  O’Brien? Does anyone know where they poop? We haven’t seen that yet, have we. With so much attention to historical detail, you’d think they’d show us the most important room in the house/yard.

Is it the simplicity of living according to strict rules that might be inconvenient, but also make it so much easier to plan one’s day? 

There is something of a social class tourism in it. There is the voyeurism of peeping into the peerage. I think it’s a kind of classy Real Housewives of the Blah Blah Blah, only Downton Abbey is Real Gentry of the British Countryside. Instead of wine thrown in faces, you get cold shoulders, which has a much greater impact, I think. You can’t rinse out disdain.

And the lives of the staff has something appealing about it. Although they work long hours for little recognition, there is a sense of family and loyalty that gives purpose and dignity to their lives, even if those beliefs may or may not be justified.

i just can’t decide who I want to be, Anna or Mary. Mary is strong, yet simpering. Anna is strong and principled, yet doesn’t get to wear those awesome dresses that the “upstairs” gals do.  How to chose, how to chose?

 And who doesn’t love The Dowager Countess (I wonder if Maggie Smith wearies of hearing herself being referred to as “a treasure”?). I even started a needlepoint portrait of Our Favourite Countess of the One Liners. But I made a mistake and used the totally wrong colour for her skin tone and she looks like The Zombie Dowager Countess. 

Hilarious, but not what I had in mind.

Downton Abbey does romanticize the past a fair bit. Things are much better today. I mean, if the son of a Turkish diplomat died in my sex-time bed, I mean, I would be telling EVERYONE.

Yah, fellas, I’m THAT good.

As it is, no one dies in my sex-time bed, although Brian has told me on many occasions that I am making him die inside. Which is kind of the same, right?

It’s my soap opera, and I love it. The only difference is that we have to wait months and months to find out what happens next. Apparently it’s in production now for release in the UK in Sept and then in on PBS in January of 2013. These Brits are like crack dealers. They get us hooked and then they make us wait and beg and cry. And then, after 6 amazing episodes, the show disappears. Why can’t they be like American television where a series is beaten to death and you just want it to stop because it’s like watching a fly spinning on it’s back in a puddle of water. Just die already, CSI. It will be so much easier for everyone.

So wait I shall, like the rest of the world, for the return of our favourite period drama. Not to be confused with the period drama I have on a less and less regular basis, but used to be once a month or so. And British television series, like my own period - well you never know when they’ll show up or how long they’ll last or how many people will get slapped because of it. Long live Anna and Mr. Bates!