Foodie Friday

Foodie Friday

My friend Ryan, who you all know, gave me some great advice the other day (and not just the advice I mentioned in my amazing and spectacular blog entry of Oct 13). I was saying how I was finding it a bit tough to meet my goal of 3 blog entries a week, and he suggested having a theme day where I write on a set topic. This relieves me of the task of having to come up with something every freakin’ time, which is hard even for a super super super super super amazing and brilliant mind like mine (I’ve had way too much coffee. And crack.). So welcome to the my first in a series of themed blogs:

Foodie Friday.

I know. I wish I could come up with a better title, too. But it’s really early in the morning and Ryan is probably busy and my mom would just tell me to write whatever I want because she’ll just print it out and put it on the fridge regardless.

So I’m going to write about food, recipes, restaurants, grocery stores, allergic reactions, and so forth, every Friday. Until Ryan tells me not to*.

Grandma Reid’s Banana Cream Pie (with additions from me)

My Grandma Reid was an amazing cook and baker. She won all sorts of prizes at fairs and baking contests in the Selkirk area. One of my favourite recipes of hers is her banana cream pie recipe, which, probably, is not much different than most other banana cream pies, but because it was my Grandma’s recipe, it must be the best, right?

My Grandmother was 90 pounds soaking wet. 

Grandma Reid with her two ungrateful grandchildren

I never saw her soaking wet, nor did I ever weigh her soaking wet, so this can not be verified. Yet she always had cookies and pie and handmade chocolates in her house. I suppose I inherited my sweet tooth from her, but not her pixie like frame.

For this recipe you’ll need a double boiler, a candy thermometer (unless you are an expert at knowing when milk is at the scald point - I am not), a pie plate (or frozen crusts, thawed) and a bunch of ingredients. For the pastry, I added a little white chocolate to jazz it up a bit, because it just WASN’T SWEET ENOUGH. Shudder. I have no appreciation of subtlety in food, I fear. 

Pastry (or you can buy your pastry at the store already in pie pans. I won’t tell anyone)

The recipe make several crusts that can be used right away or frozen after rolled out and put into pie plates. So if you’re only making one pie, then hell, just buy the crusts and save yourself a lot of heartache).

1 lb lard

5 C flour

1 egg 

2 tsp vinegar

water 

1 tsp salt

1.Measure flour and salt and mix together in a large bowl

2. cut in lard with a pasty blender

3. beat egg in a one cup measuring glass until slightly frothy

4. add vinegar to egg mixture

5. add water to egg and vinegar mix to make 1 Cup of liquid

6. Add liquid to flour and lard mix and mix gently til  you have a smooth dough.

7. Roll out on a cold, floured surface and fit to pie plates.

You will only need one pie crust for this recipe. You can freeze the other crusts for a later use.

preheat oven to 375. Prick crust with fork in several places.

bake for 12-15 minutes or until golden.

allow crust to cool completely.

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Banana Cream Part

2 C milk

2/3 C sugar

1/3 C flour

1/2 tsp salt

2 eggs, separated

vanilla

1 banana

1.Scald milk in a double boiler, saving out 1/4 C of scalded milk to mix with egg mixture

i have to use a thermometer because I am a spaz

1. Mix thoroughly the sugar, flour and salt.
2. Beat yolks of eggs and add to the flour mixture along with the 1/4 C of scalded milk.
3. Add flour mixture to scalded milk and stir
4. Stir with whisk, in the double boiler, over low heat, until mixture is thick

1. Chill completely
2. Add 1 tsp vanilla and sliced banana

Melt 2 square of white chocolate. 

melt white chocolate. I use Canadian made Paderno pots.        http://padinox.ca/

Pour into bottom of cooled, baked pie crust. Pop in the freezer for 5 minutes to harden. 

(You can forgo the white chocolate and it’s just as good)

Spread banana cream mixture over chocolate layer in crust.

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Meringue

Beat 2-4 egg whites (I use 4), gradually adding 4 Tablespoons of white sugar until stiff peaks form. Be sure to use the hand mixer you got in 1985 when you moved out and got your first apartment.

egg whites whipped to form stiff peaks. I am saucy.

Spread meringue over banana cream layer.

A photo, in case you didn't know what spread meringue over pie might look like.

Top with meringue and bake for 15 minutes in 275 degree oven until tops are slightly browned.

I look like a turtle. Make up and the slightest bit of effort would help.

no pie for Sam

Chill and serve to amazed friends and relations.

*Ryan had a food blog a while back that was amazing. He needs to get back to it. Tell him, ok? He won’t listen to me.

Queen Jealousy

I want to be clear off the top that I am grateful for all that I have in life. I’ve got a pretty sweet deal, it’s true and I frequently feel some guilty discomfort caused by the horseshoe lodged in my ass. However, my good fortune and the awareness of such  does not preclude my become apoplectic  with jealousy toward certain individuals whose horseshoe is seemingly larger or shinier than mine. Or at least, just colon shaped so as not to cause them irritation.

Here follows a mere dribbling of a sample of the people  whose qualities I wish would rub off on me.

Amy Poelher -  Funny and Clever. Tina’s best friend. Whatever Amy’s got, I have to get me some so I can become Tina Feys’ BFF. 

Jane W. - Socially and Politically Adept. Jane can be in a room full of bikers. Or a room full of tea-totaling Mormons. Or a room full of children dressed as various fruits and vegetables. It doesn’t matter. She can initiate and maintain a meaningful conversation with any of these groups. She’s the only person I know who looks fabulous in either a pinafore or a black cocktail dress. She is politically aware, socially conscious and when she believes in something she walks the walk. Ate locally before it was “a thing”. 

Melody Gardot. Singer.  http://www.melodygardot.com/  Like I used to feel about Annie Lennox - couldn’t even listen to her without pulling my hair out from envy. But I’ve matured and now can listen to Melody Gardot and can enjoy it without turning green with envy. Makes you almost want to have a broken heart because you’d know you could turn to Melody Gardot to make it all seem so much more poignant and tragic. She would be my soundtrack for heartache.

My Brother - Musician/Nurse/SIngle Dad. Can look at a musical instrument and within 2 hours is proficient. He got a banjo for Christmas and within the day he was smoking on dueling banjos. He also knows all of the answers on Jeopardy. Can eat a bag of cookies a day without getting fat. I know. I’m not sure he’s actually a human. Helps people who are old and scared and fragile as they navigate their final years on earth. Does his absolute best every single day. Deserves a medal.

Felicity M. Athlete. Does a couple Iron Man Triathlons a year. Seems to enjoy exercise. Looks great in a wet suit and swim cap. Has three amazing, smart and gorgeous kids who don’t talk back.  Married to a guy who likes to bake fancy cakes. Say. No. More.

Honey Badger: Doesn’t care about what anyone else thinks. Is internet sensation without even trying.

Bill Gates. Rich Guy. Has all of the money in the world. I want all of the money in the world. Stupid Bill Gates. Gimme money Bill Gates. Gimme!

entmoney.com

Lisa M. Smart. Knows what art is all about and can explain it to you in way that doesn’t make you feel like a rube. Articulate and fashionable, sexy and goofy. She is generous with her time and money, even when both might be in short supply.  Will stand up for what she believes in and isn’t afraid of a little confrontation when she defends her principles. Can expertly apply lipstick without using a mirror.

Feist. Stick-to-it-ive-ness. Got to sing on Sesame Street. Pretty much what I wanted since I can remember.  If I was in a room full of muppets, I’d probably weep uncontrollably from joy. Not probably. It is a certainty that I would do this. Worked really really hard for a long time doing what she loved until someone with lots of money finally took notice. 

this should have been me

Now, don’t go telling me NOT to be jealous because I have lots of things to be thankful for. I know I do. But, like corporate America I WANT MORE! 

I suppose, to be true it’s not jealousy I feel. It’s just really really strong admiration and a wish that I, too, could have at least a portion the gifts that these people have. Then again, if I had what they have then I would just sit around all day thinking about how awesome I was and not needing anyone else for anything because I had it all, right? And if I did that, then I’d probably just end up alone and isolated in my amazingness and who would visit me and spoon feed me when I have my inevitable paralyzing stroke at 70? I guess my brother would, but that’s what he does every day so it would be no big whoop for him. It would be a pretty big whoop for me. I’d buy him Goodie Rings by the truck load.

Well, I guess I can’t have it all, then. That’s ok, I suppose. I have all these wonderful people in my life to act as examples and to provide me with entertainment, companionship and inspiration. I’m not jealous anymore. Just grateful they are around.

Except for Bill Gates who never ever gives me any of his money. I’m still jealous of him. 

And Feist.

Stupid Feist.

how things are supposed to be

Good Advice

I love getting good advice. I don’t mean like, don’t take any wooden nickels kind of advice, although it is pretty damned good advice when you think of it. I mean, I’d be living in a cardboard box if I did that, right? I am pretty gullible. And wooden nickels are pretty sweet. Good thing someone, at some point told me, “Ellen, be sure that you do not take any wooden nickels”.  Here, in today’s blog, I am giving thanks for all the excellent advice I’ve been given over the years, from friends, family and strangers. These words of wisdom saved me many miseries, large and small. 

1. “Don’t wear pleats. They make you look wide” - Peter Brown, my history professor at the U of Winnipeg in 1985.

2. Be sensible. Sheila is knowledgeable in all things sensible. She tells me how to be sensible.

3. “Plastic ruins the taste of soda. Drink soda only from cans or glass bottles.”  - Wayne

4. “You don’t have to wear your bra overnight” - Mom

5. “Never underestimate the impact of a classy handbag”. - Sarah

6. “When being photographed, don’t hold your arms close to your body”. Makes them look like ham hocks. - Amber

7. Good manners count. “If you say please, you can have popcorn”. - Dad

8. I can pee whenever I want, I just have to say the word - Brad Roberts.

9. I tend to accessorize like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. 
Megan sets me straight.

10.  Lipstick is not eyeshadow. It doesn’t matter what you see in Seventeen Magazine.  - Karen.

11.  Telling lies will NOT get you what you want. 
"No one believes that the mini-fridge is  calling to you, telling you to open it. You can’t have another chocolate." - Grandma Reid.

12. “Save your money.” -  my Accountant.

13.  “You’ll know what to do when the time comes”. Cynthia.

14. I have questionable fashion sense. My friend Ryan is very diplomatic about telling me to rethink an outfit before I leave the house. His words of advice? 

15.  “You should do this thing. All wives do. It’s good for our marriage”. Brian.
I can't draw a picture of that one. It's too complicated. And I don't know how to draw certain things.


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I love giving advice, too. Here is my advice to you everyone. You’re welcome:

Skinny jeans are not flattering on anyone.  No one on the face of the earth - other than supermodels. Everyone else looks like their legs have been stuffed in to denim tubes. And not in a pretty way.  Sorry. It’s true.

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given? I mean, aside from me telling you not to wear skinny jeans unless you are a super model. Do you have any advice for me? I like advice. Keep it clean. My mother reads this.