Tuesday Tantrum - I can't do my own hair

I have long hair. It's almost to the small of my back and I figure it's going to get there soon enough. Then my well intentioned hair stylist cuts 3 inches off of it in an attempt to keep it healthy looking. I think, rather, that she wants to snuff out my power, her Delilah to my Samson.

My hair hangs pretty limply and basically does nothing for me.

The only thing for sure is that it looks better than when I have short hair, at which time I look like a man in drag.

So I have long hair, but I am completely incapable of doing anything with it other than a ponytail, or piling it up on top of my head, secured with a large, unattractive hair clip. I am unable to manage anything else.

What I really want to do is French braid my hair. Or make those wonderful milk maid braids. I think I could rock that look, well into my dotage. But instead I will end up looking like Grizelda the witch from House of Frightenstien because I seriously do not know how to deal with bobby pins.

Other people make using bobby pins look so easy. They just pop a few into their "do" and they look like the cover of "Weddings" magazine.

One of those twins who always look like they are saying "prunes".

Whenever I try to use bobby pins, I look like this:

I've tried hot rollers, and I end up with this look:

When I just let my hair be, it does NOT look like this:

I need a live-in hair stylist.

Jules?

could you do this to me, Jules?

But really, I don't need to look all fancy for picking up dog crap and picking more God Damned Kale at the store.

I'd just like the skills to be able to make my head look less like a wilted chia pet.

It's so super hard to be me.

Sleeping Balcony

The house that I grew up in was built in 1918 and had a number of old timey features indicative of century old homes. We had a coal room where coal would have been shovelled into and stored, piano windows (windows at weird heights ostensibly to accommodate pianos and other taller furniture. We also had a sleeping balcony that was meant for sleeping in on hot summer nights in the days before air conditioning.

As the house belonged to my grandmother before us, when we moved in we inherited all of her furniture, plus the furniture of an aunt. On top of this, adding our furniture into the mix meant not a lot of room. Every spare room was used for storage, including the sleeping balcony. You literally could not walk into it, it was that full of stuff.

 

One year, I must have been 12, I decided that we needed to clear out the sleeping balcony. I can't remember how I did it, or where I put all the stuff that was in there, but I managed to rearrange and redistribute things to the rest of the house until the room was cleared out and there were just two beds (with plenty tucked underneath) and a little table that my mom called an "invalid table" because it tucked under the bed so one could eat while sitting up in bed.

I didn't so much want the room as a summer bedroom as I wanted to use it as my "writing retreat". I had pre-teen pretensions of becoming a world famous author and I would sit up there afternoons and write my weird little bits on these extra long pieces of foolscap that we had because my dad was a teacher and he hoarded stationery.


The idea of a screened in porch to write on still fills me with longing for those days:  propped up on my elbows reading L. M. Montgomery and Archie comics and dragon books by the boatload. And then scribbling out the usual childhood embarrassments that I was sure would get teachers' approval come fall.

A room of one's own, I suppose is what I crave - and I have one waiting for me on the second floor here, but it is, oddly enough, chock full of "stuff". I'll have to harness my inner 12 year old to get around to sorting out my Ovarian Den so I can write that damned best seller for once and for all.

There might be dragons.

Foodie Friday - The Beachcomber Winnipeg

Anyone from Winnipeg who is a normal age (i.e.. not 15) will remember the Beachcomber. Nestled in downtown, sub zero Winnipeg was a little exotic slice of tropicalTiki heaven where Winnipegers went to eat sweet and sour everything and have cocktails in coconut shaped mugs.

Welcome to exotic paradise

This place was magical.

I probably only went twice in the whole time it was open, but it has been in my heart and memory since the first time I crossed the wooden bridge from the hostess stand and into the "star" lit dining room below.




It was like Bali Hai threw up in there, but in a really good way.

The quintessential 60's restaurant, the Beachcomber served up Polynesian cuisine that was probably a fair stretch of the term Polynesian. And likely, of cuisine. I was a kid when I was there so the only thing I remember is the ambience. Because that's all that really matters.

There were fake stars in the ceiling, palm trees, a little waterfall,  goldfish pond, and puffer fish lamps hanging from the ceiling. 


The Beachcomber closed it's doors in the 1980's, likely to make way for something truly inspired like a Moxy's or Coffee Time. It's time had come, I suppose, but I really believe that there needs to be such a place again. If I had had 50 million dollars, I would open up a Beachcomber on Queen West and the hipsters would flock like flies.

all Beachcomber photos from www.tikiroom.com

fancy, but my pantyhose would for sure snag on those kinds of chairs.

In homage to the Winnipeg haunt I have on offer for you today a veganized version of a  Polynesian dish that never, ever would have been served there. There are a bloody lot of ingredients, so I hope you appreciate it. I also included a cocktail for those of you who like to drink. I mean, like to drink A LOT. And out of a hula girl's skull.  I'm talking to you, Cheryl McKinnon.



I chose to sautee the veggies in broth as opposed to oil to cut down on the fat and calories. By sauteeing the tofu in a broth, you'll still get a nice "fried" taste that will fool your brain into thinking you're eating something way more naughty. However, you are free to use as much oil as you want. It's your life. Go ahead. Defy me.


Vegan Rice Bowl Homage to The Beachcomber.


Yield: 4-6 servings

Ingredients:

Stir-fry Vegetables: (veggies cut into bite size pieces)

1 zucchini
1 yellow squash
4 peeled carrots
1 bunch asparagus
1 medium sized red onion
1 red bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
2T canola oil or 1/4 C vegetable broth (a bit more if necessary)
salt and pepper to taste

Barbecue Tofu:

8 oz extra firm tofu, drained pressed of all water
¼ cup Hoisin sauce
¼ cup ketchup
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon Sriracha (Chinese chili sauce)
1 clove garlic, minced
3 T flour 
1/2 cup panko crumbs
1 C pineapple chunks
2 T Canola oil

a bunch of cilantro

How To:

Prepare brown rice according to package directions to serve 4-6 people.


mix panko crumbs and cornstarch in a bowl and set aside.


Stir-fry Veggies
1. Cut zucchini, yellow squash, red onion and peppers into a 1-inch dice.
2. Slice carrots into ¼ inch slices.
3. Cut asparagus into 1-inch segments, and mix all vegetables in a bowl and set aside.

Asian Barbecue Tofu:
1. Cut tofu into 1-inch cubes.
2. In a saucepan combine Hoisin, ketchup, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, chili garlic sauce, and garlic. Bring to boil and then remove from heat to let cool.
4. Coat tofu with barbecue mixture and refrigerate for at least 2 hours.
5. Coat Marinated tofu in panko and cornstarch mixture and pan fry in canola oil.
6. Add pineapple chunks and stir a few times to warm, and set tofu mixture aside, tenting with foil if necessary.
7. Wok-fry vegetables in broth or canola oil and season with salt and pepper. 

To serve, put rice in separate serving bowls or plates, top with veggies. Place tofu and pineapple on top of veggies and garnish with cilantro. Serve with extra hot sauce if desired.

cooking up the bbq sauce.

so much going on.

this is what stir fried veggies might look like.

Mmmmm

tried to get close up, but len kept fogging up.

For those of you who like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain, here's a vegan pina for you to get your drink on. Check out the recipe HERE

I added a frozen banana, a little less coconut and a lot less rum because I'm a light weight.

I do not like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape.

Of course, this is not to be confused with This Beachcomber, who I really was ok not ever having to watch again: