Ryan's Marmalade

After much, much, much badgering, Ryan is not going to start up his blog, Crsipybits at this time.

This is bull#%$^ people! We need to come together to make it happen. I get mad when Ryan doesn't blog. Or when he doesn't do what I want him to do. Which is write his blog and come on vacations with my husband and me.

I know that probably sounds like my husband and I take Ryan on our vacations because he is our sex companion. He is not our sex companion.

Oo, you caught us by surprise!

But we can dream can't we?

Anyway. Fine, then, Ryan. If you're not going to re-boot Crispybits, I'm going to do it.

So ladies and gentemen, I give you:

                                                     

Hi I'm Ryan and I'm super excellent. I'm going to show you people how to make marmalade.

Today we're going to make my jam-tasctic marmalade that I got from a super fancy recipe book from a different country so don't even try to find it and If I give you the recipe, it will be a scanned photo that's hard to read, so just shut up and sit back and watch me do my magic because you can't touch this, you stupid, stupid person.


First you need to plan for 3 different types of marmalade and prep them so that they are at 3 different stages in the process of cooking. This makes it easy to show your friends how to make marmalade and makes me look more like a cooking show host. WHICH I AM!

Then you get your friends to cut up a bunch of oranges, put in some sugar and a splash of booze.

she is only fake laughing.

Boil the sweet heck out of them. The oranges. Not your friends.

Also boil  some jars.

Put the liquid gold into these jars.

Action shots show how dynamic is this process, when you are me.

Here, eat some of these snacks to keep you fortified so you can....

Clean up, you bitches!

I make the 17 month pregnant woman do the hard chores.

Here's some homemade soda bread that I veganized so that pernickety bitch-pants Reid can have some.

I am amazing. And dangerous.

And VOILA, you have marmalade.

The recipe is from Christine Ferber's, Mes Confitures. That's French for My Jams, in case you were wondering. This particular recipe takes 3 days to complete because why even BOTHER doing something that doesn't take that long. Jesus, I am amazing.

So, there you have it. Marmalade. I made it, you enjoy it, you worship me. It's just the way it is. And ever shall be.

Until next time,

Ryan.

I can't tell celebrities apart any more.

I don't like the new things. I don't understand all your new fangledness.

Also, I get things mixed up a lot. Like days of the week. Like recipes. Like medications.

I can't tell celebrities apart anymore. They all blur into each other.

Here are a few celebrities I regularly am confused by:

Carrie Underwood AND Reese Witherspoon

Simon Baker (aka The Mentalist) AND Ed Speelers (James from Downton Abbey)

Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel

Stana Katic (of Castle) AND Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order SVU)

Josh Morrow (aka Nick Newman on the Young and the Restless, AND Vincent D'onofrio

Piper Perabo of Covert Affairs AND a Lost Kitten

Washington Caps coach, Adam Oates,  AND  Spock.

This blonde lady who I have no idea who she is AND The Smeebs

Major Frank Burns AND Stephen Harper

Lead guitarist of The Tragically Hip AND Lead Guitarist of CTDs

Ellen from CTD's and that one model from the 1980's.

January's Crochet--a-Long

I took part in the Crochet-a-Long hosted by Alycia over at The Curious Pug. 

This month's project was a pair of adorable Mary-Jane slippers.

Everyone did such a great job.

Except me.

Everyone else's slippers are cute and finished nicely. They all have small, cute feet.

Mine look like reggae threw up on my feet.

Sam says, "Seriously?"

Fiona says "Gross".

So I tried again.

It's more like a Butternut Squash Cozy.

I didn't even finish the second one.

Well, it wasn't a total waste of time.

This one was beyond me, Alycia. But I tried. I really tried.


Not really. I totally half-assed it.

Next time, I'll work harder.

Promise.

Sorta.