Caucasian Chop Suey

I wrote on Wednesday about my love for Asian design and stuff. This inspired me to continue the theme for today’s Foodie Friday.

Today’s Food is...

My Mom’s Bastardized Hamburger Chop Suey!

Before you protest, Mickey, I will proclaim to the world that this is one of my favourite dinners as a kid. When making up this blog, I made the recipe and it was a total hit with Brian, so we will continue enjoying the world’s best, and most, Caucasian Chop Suey ever!

I have made a few small changes to the recipe but it still retains it’s innate fabulousness.

Before you begin, make sure you like salt. 

In the words of a famous Mom, Marge Simpson:

Watch for the Nov 13th, 2011 episode of the Simpsons where Marge starts her own food blog. That ought to inspire you to get back to your blog, Crispybits, Ryan!

Mmmm, salt.

Mickey’s Super Caucasian Chop Suey

You will need have these thingses:

1 pound ground beef

1 onion

a few stalks celery, chopped

1 tsp beef boullion powder (Beef-in-a-Mug)

1 tsp salt

1 C chopped mushroom (leave this out as Brian cannot abide by mushrooms)

1 green pepper, chopped

3 T cornstarch

1/2 t sugar

4 t soy sauce

2 T water

1.5 C bean sprouts, blanched in boiling water for a couple minutes and drained.

You will need to do this:

Brown the hamburger with the chopped onion

I'm so excited about this

Brown the hamburger with extreme prejudice.

It takes a while to brown the hamburger and onion, so I took 3 pictures to mimic the passage of time.

Add chopped celery, beef boullion powder, SALT, mushrooms and green pepper.

Someone else is excited about Caucasian Chop Suey Night!

Cook slowly for about 10 minutes

In a small bowl, make a smooth paste of the cornstarch, sugar, soya sauce and water.

Add cornstarch mixture to beef mixture and cook until thick and clear. More water may be added if it’s too thick

Add bean sprouts

They look like worms, but they are just blanched bean sprouts. Don't worry.

Cook on low heat just enough to heat through.

Serve to delighted friends and stuffed toys.

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It is important that you serve this chop suey with rice and green peas. The peas should be the frozen kind, boiled up.

I like to mix the rice and peas together because, well, I’m just different and I march to the tune of my own drummer. I know. The kids at school were kind of in awe of me and all.

Twin orbs of deliciousness

Obviously, this is probably the least authentic version of chop suey going, but it doesn’t matter because it tastes great and provides your sodium needs for a full week. No more tediousness with having to ensure you get your FDA recommended amount of sodium. No hyponatremia for me, that’s all I can say.

Another favourite salty dinner at our house was Hamburger Helper Short Cut Spaghetti. They don’t make it any more. We used to only have it on nights that my Dad went to his Rotary meetings because it aggravated his ulcer, which was a shame because I think he actually liked the stuff. It was so salty we might as well have been pouring full boxes of Sifto down our mid western throats. We tried other Hamburger Helper selections after they discontinued the Short Cut Spaghetti, but it wasn’t the same. It was kinda weird because all our chest pains stopped around that time.

Looks the same, but isn't the Short Cut version. You'd have to drink the ocean to get more salt.

Oh my poor mother. She endures no end of ribbing from me. But darling mommy, if I didn’t love what you cooked when I was little, would I still be making it today?

And, Mom, I also make Brian cut a smiley face into my bologna slices and he has to say in a squeeky voice, just like you used to “Don’t eat my nose....Ohhhhh nooooooo, not my nose! Pleeeeease, don’t eat my eyes!.... Nooooo...” etc.

                                             

Some traditions must be carried forward. Especially the salty ones.