More Random Crap

Oh Em Gee, I have to write a blog for tomorrow, but I’m going out tonight to a stitch and bitch and I have to walk Sam and finish cleaning up around here, and oh the humanity.

So what to write about? Nothing. I’m just going to leave you with some random crap because I’m far too busy doing absolutely nothing to write anything useful or amusing.

I apologize if I bore you.

When I was very young I was terrified of a character I saw on a Huckleberry Hound cartoon. 

I can’t remember the story line. I think it was a big potato or sausage or something. In my memory, it is bright red. I did have a nightmare about it, but I don’t think I got much sympathy when I went to my parents’ bedroom and said “Mommy, Daddy, I had a bad dream about a huge Sausage Monster who was trying to kill me”. 

I called with the same complaint as an adult and the awkward silence from my parents was almost as uncomfortable as the silence between myself and the guy lying next to me.

To this day, I’ve drawn this character over and over again as a representation of scary evil. 

My needlepointed nightmare

I can see that it’s not bright red. It’s bright yellow. Sometimes the truth is too scary.

I took Italian lessons from Berlitz for 3 months in 1995. I remember nothing. My teacher’s name was Nick and he wore a bugs bunny tie on several occasions. We would chat in painfully slow Italian back and forth, mostly about train stations, shopping and how much I loved bagels. I had pretensions of living in Italy. I still do. 

I get up to pee a minimum of 3 times at night. Between 10pm and 6am. Three times. Small bladder. When we were on our way to Cuba a couple weeks ago, I went to the bathroom on the plane 6 times. Everytime I went I counted it out for the flight attendant. She looked at me wide eyed and horrified each time, but eventually laughed. She touched her own hair pretty much compulsively, ate a red pepper like an apple (I do that, too, so you'd think she would have liked me better) and she was reading a TOTAL bodice ripper.  The other flight attendant did not find me funny at all and said things like “Too Much Information” and held up his hand as if that was going to stop me in any way. Don’t people realize that not finding me funny is only going to make me try harder and harder? It’s safest just to laugh politely and then I’ll be satisfied and the awkwardness can stop. 

But seriously, I peed 6 times in a three and a half hour period.


I believe that I have a nose that is made out of elastic bands. Elastic bands formed into the shape of a potato. On my face. It is extremely flexible, but that isn't necessarily a good thing.

And I can’t help but wonder why there is only ONE FARM in the entire United States that is habitable on the show Walking Dead. 

The only farm left on earth

Surely there’s a farm next door, or down the road a ways. If you don’t watch the show, I’m not going to explain. Just understand that there are a lot of questions that need answering about THAT particular post apocalyptic society.

Ok, I have to go walk the dog now and then get ready to go to my stitch and bitch. Thanks for taking the time to read. Have a nice day. Be careful. Have two pieces of fruit and don’t worry, you look fabulous!

Pee rant

I travel a lot. A shop a lot. So I have a lot of experience with public restrooms.

So riddle me this. Why is it that quite often, in women's bathrooms there is always at least one toilet that has been completely splattered in urine?

I understand a dribble here, a drip there, that one might miss. People wipe that up when they see what they've done, right? Right? But how is it that people can basically stand 2 feet above the seat and pee hither and yon, and then just leave it there for some poor sot (me) to find and be horrified by? It's like they took a beaker full of urine, held it aloft and poured it over the toilet seat. Were there incantations? Curses spelled?  Have they no shame? Are they that lazy?

I'm sorry you have to see this. But you do.

See what I mean? What the hell!

Perhaps, you might suggest, that it is children or ill persons who are the offenders. There aren't that many children or ill persons in all of the malls, department stores, truck stops, restaurants and night clubs in the world.  It just doesn't add up.

And why is it that the bathroom in The Bay basement always smells like a urine soaked wool sock. Well, you don't have to answer that.



* I added the pee photo weeks after this post was originally put up. It makes more sense now if you know the horror of which I speak.