Tuesday, 22 January 2013

My Nemesis --- Niacin

Who knew that one of the Snap Crackle Pop guys from Rice Crispies was an asshole

Snap and Crackle, well, those guys are alright. Respectively known to their friends as Riboflavin and Thiamine, they do their jobs professionally, and take care of their families like mature, well rounded cartoon character representations of vitamins should.

Snap, wearing his baker's cap is the nurturer, ensuring that people are fed and nourished. Crackle, with his adorable striped stocking cap, is upbeat and promoting wellness with his Thiamine Rockstar Party.

Pop, well he's the wildcard. Pop/Niacin is a finicky  bastard. Ex-marine gone rogue, judging by the hat. Dis-honorable discharge. Couldn't make the charges stick, but he DID the crime. Now he's a hired gun. Shooting down hapless fools who are too fricking stupid to read lables and follow recommended dose amounts before they let old Niacin into their temples. He claims he's essential for nervous system and brain function, energy metabolism and skin and digestive health.

Fine, that may be true, but Niacin doesn't speak up and warn people who are too lazy to read bottles that he can cause a reaction that mimics being on fire from the inside.

Ellen the Idiot, invited Niacin the Wildcard Trickster in, on an empty stomach. She took one pill and within one minute this is how she looked:

My skin, from my head to my stomach was on fire and prickly feeling.

I felt a little nauseated and light headed but nothing major.

Consulted doctor internet who told me I should both relax and that I should get to ER immediately.

I opted to call tele health - a service here in Ontario where you can talk to a nurse practitioner who can determine whether you are at death's door or whether you've just taken way too much of an over the counter vitamin and that you should calm the hell down. Apparently 500mg of Niacin is, like, 2000 times the recommended daily dose. Oopsie. I need a research assistant for general aspects of my daily life:

Naturally, feeling this weird and prickly all over, coupled with mild dizziness and exceptional poop action, I had to call Megan, my doctor friend. Thank God Monday is her day off.

She talked me thru it  and distracted me from my adrenaline infused shakes. After taking a couple of Mama's Little Calm The Hell Down pills I felt much better. Thank you Megan for distracting me with gossip about Ryan and such.

By the time Brian got home I was almost free of the niacin flush, but the Ativan was still working it's special magic.

I was in bed asleep by 8:30.

So kids, let this be a warning to you about the importance of reading labels and doing research before you pop a pill - even an innocent vitamin bought from the health food store. You might end up on fire from the inside and calling Dr. Galadriel for calming advice.


No comments:

Post a comment