In the Battle Between Good and Evil Blog Posts, Good Will Be Victorious!

Like all bloggers, I keep track of my stats. I like to see which posts get the most views, which search terms have led people to accidentally land on my blog (sorry people who wanted naked pictures of Stevie Nicks) and which countries think I'm the prettiest (Guam, I guess). 

I also have noted that I recently "lost" a follower. This is so sad. What have I done that you should forsake me, friend? It's probably my mom. She gets weirded out by my constant references to poops and douche-bags and the weird crap she does when she gets super super super high on meth that she makes in her own bathtub. Sorry, mom. I really just need to express myself.


Anyway.


There has been an exciting trend in my stats: The Ted Nugent blog (May 20, 2011), long the most often viewed piece has recently been over taken by the Where's Allie Brosh blog (March 7, 2012). I've been watching this perfect storm approaching for months and people, it has been fascinating!


Many people viewed the Ted Nugent blog because they clicked on an image of him and it brought them to my site, where they were likely disappointed to find a rant on what an utter douche he is. The truth hurts.


Here's a short poem about it:


My Ted Nuge-ant
Is a Douche-rant
Has less views
Than A. Brosh's dos.


Many people viewed the Allie Brosh piece because they are fans of her blog and were looking to find out what is going on with her and are wondering if she's coming back.


And now my Allie Brosh bit has received more hits (in substantially less time) than the Ted Nugent bit. 


To me this is nothing less than good conquering evil, the sun dispersing the clouds, Harry Potter killing Voldemorte. 

A vote for Allie is a vote for humanity, equality and adorable kittens.


A vote for Ted Nugent is a vote for the zombie apocalypse.

I am so happy that the internet is choosing truth and light. Thank you internets. 


This is probably less interesting to you than it is to me. But I've had a fair bit of coffee and coffee makes me have opinions, damn it. 

Alphabet of Awesome

There’s nothing like a good night’s sleep followed by an excellent poop that makes you feel gratitude shimmer through your veins. 

I don’t want to go all Oprah on you, but I’d like to offer up a list of just a fraction of the things that I love and for which I am grateful. It is not exhaustive, at all!

To make it a less obvious vomit of narcissistic glee, let’s do it in alphabet form!

______________________________________________________________________________

A: Arrested Development. Movie is in the works (they actually made a statement about it, so it’s GOT to happen for sure, right?)

B: Brian: Good looking, patient, hilarious, smartiepants, undemanding, sexy, gassy.

  


C: Cauliflower. I think it’s my favourite vegetable. It’s so brain-like.

D: Downton Abbey. Don’t get me started. Future entire blog posts will be devoted to this show. If you haven’t seen it yet, find it, watch both seasons (plus the Christmas bonus episode) and let’s talk.

E: E-Books. I still like regular books, but there’s something magic about wanting a book and being able to have it in seconds. There’s also something potentially financially disastrous about it, too.

F: Fiona. My cat is effing awesome

G: Geico ads. Like these:

H: My House. It keeps me from being homeless. 

I: Intellectuals. I love listening to smart people talk. I don’t usually contribute much to those conversations much, but I’m highly entertained by them.  Graham could discuss topics ranging from Keats to Buffy. And then tie them together at the end. Kevin explained to me once why old flower water smells so bad. And then he wrote a couple best sellers. My friend Lisa used to explain art to me. Her brain is so big, she has a wagon that she pulls behind her with her head on it. 

J. Jam. It’s tasty.

K: My Kitchen. It’s full of stuff.

L: Librarians. They know stuff.

M: Mornings. I like the quiet. 

N: Nina. Saves my life 5 days a week.

O:  Orangutan. Orange ones.

http://homepage.mac.com/wildlifeweb/primate/new/Grundmann/orangutan.html

P:  Puppets. I’d communicate with people better if we could do it through puppets and funny voices. 

Q: Qi. Best, most convenient scrabble word ever.

R: Ryan. Because he rocks. I also like regularity.

S: Stitching. Stitching is super.

T: Television. Obviously. 

U: Underwear. It’s keeps me from being a whore.

V: Voldemort. He just needed a little love.

W: Warmness. I like being warm.

X: X-rays, I guess. I mean, not much to choose from. Xylophones are fine, but I’m not, like, grateful for them. I mean, when was the last time a xylophone found a cancerous tumor early and saved a life. Stupid xylophones. Never thinking of anyone but themselves.

Y: Yoka. I spend all of my money there. All of it. They see me coming and they immediately call their investment advisors: “She’s coming in, Dennis, what looks good today?”

Z: Zinc. You need it to live.

What do you think is awesome? Pick a letter. Any letter!