Tuesday, 4 September 2012

You pays your money, you takes your chances...

I just bought a steam mop thing from The Shopping Channel.

H2O Mop X5 Steam Cleaner with Super Clean Kit

Why do I feel like I've shaken hands with the Devil, or taken my first snort of cocaine?

Is it a good deal, or just a slippery slope?

Will I really have the cleanest floors in the world, or will I end up on an episode of Hoarders, with a VISA card maxed out, shelves filled with the finest in "Diamondelle" TM jewelry and Bumpits TM that plastic, spaceman money can buy?

I watch The Shopping Channel while I'm on the treadmill. I'd probably be a better person if I watched the BBC news, but it's so much less shiny. Today's was my first purchase, but I have long been familiar with all of the fabulous wares on offer at TSC (that's an abrieve). I've come THIS close to buying a Kitchenaid, a pair of stretchy pants, Rhonda Sheer's Genie Bra (it's SO comfy. Apparently), a watch from the Joan Rivers' collection (I know), a carpet. The list goes on.

I'm also kind of obsessed with one of the models on TSC. Shona (Show-Nah). 

She looks a bit like the mannequins of my childhood.

Slightly elfin, crazy waist to hip ratio and a constant expression of demure that makes me want to simultaneously slap her and offer her a cup of tea. I want her job.

So yah, I can't stop watching, and while I watch, I want.
Usually by the time I'm off the treadmill, the urgency of needing a Wayne Clark's Ravishng Roaring 20's Crystal Cuff bracelet has worn off and I'm more interested in not perishing than I am in accessorizing. 

Today was different. 

I could not stop thinking about that damned steamer.

My floors are kind of a "thing" with me. What I mean by that is that they will never be clean enough. Never be shiny enough. Part of the problem is the animals. The other, bigger part, is that I am abysmally lazy and hate cleaning my floors. I vacuum once or twice a week. I wash the floors... well... less frequently, let's say. So the hope that this miracle machine will actually do all the work for me. And that I'll have the mirror shiny floors of my dreams.

I'm not holding out much hope. But I am a little afraid that now that I've opened the gate, that I've taken that first step, that I've, well, popped my Shopping Channel cherry, that I've embarked on the slipperiest of slopes.

It's a long way down.

I'll see you at the bottom, Ryan.


  1. The only thing that curbed my habit was switching to Bell since, in their competitive wisdom, they don't offer TSC as part of their cable TV packages. I know...they also have a website. But it just doesn't seduce you the same way that endless stream of sales pitchery does. How DO they go on? My weak point is skincare and the promise of youthful, revitalized, energized, firmer, clearer, brighter, acne-free, wrinkle-free skin. Still looking, by the way.

    1. You can come over and watch TSC here any time, Ryan. And please don't tell me you are taken in by the Elizabeth Grant line of skin care products? I mean how many times do we have to celebrate that woman's birthday or 100th show, or 1000th sale of anti aging skin butter?
      And what about the guy they have selling stuff. I don't trust him. I'm sure he is a nice guy but there is something about that guy that puts me on edge.

  2. Rhonda Sheer's Genie Bra, it really is SO Comfy! That was the one that got me, buy 3 - but if you order right now, we'll send you 6!! for the amazing low price of $80.00! Sucked me right in. Good thing they are comfy or I would not be admitting to my lapse in judgement!

    1. OMG, does this mean I have to order them? I love the way the woman ho sells them always has a shwack of photos of herself in different outfits that match with her bra. And by "ove" I mean "am amused by".

    2. Please do! Then you must take plenty of photos of you in your Genie Bra...with matching outfits too!

  3. Hey Ellen, I love the shopping channel and have gotten some of my best 3 a.m. - 4 a.m. purchases there. The only time I ever watch it is when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Love the genie bras and the mop with the spinning head I bought. Your new steamer is probably a Shark, they have the best pet vaccum too and you can buy it down at Can Tire on the lakeshore. Specially for houses like yours and mine full of 4 legged fur.

    1. Hey Aeriol,
      The mop arrived today and I can't wait to unpack it and give it a go. How pathetic is that.

      It's not a Shark though. It's some other brand I'd never heard of.

      Looks like I'm going to have to get some damned Genie Bras. Bloody hell.

  4. I want a halogen oven from the shopping channel but I'm not allowed ...

    1. Obviously someone is looking out for your best interest.