Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Hey Zit Face!

Is it just me or do kids now-a-days just not have zits anymore? (Hey, I just said "kids now-a-days").

When I was a teenager pretty much everyone in my school had zits. We didn't make fun of people with zits because, well, we all had them. Sure, some kids had it worse than others, but if you didn't have zit you were more likely to be taunted for late onset puberty than you would have been if you were a pizza face. Back zits or chest pimples were for sure off limits for taunting because it was just horrifying, like they had an extra arm or something. But less useful. You just looked away and hoped to God it didn't happen to you.

But I never see teenagers with zits anymore. Maybe I'm just not looking closely enough, which is quite possible because I don't like to make eye contact with today's youth. I don't want to see their expression as they look at me. That "you'll be dead soon" look of pity mixed with fear and contempt.

Not that teenagers really notice me. When I do register on their radar they see "friend of someone's mom". Or "what I don't want to look like when I grow up". When I look at them I see clear skin, slippers worn outdoors in winter and the homogeneity of people trying to express their personalities via the fashions of Old Navy.

But why the clear skin?

I had kinda nasty skin.

You can't really see the horror that is my full on zittage, but you can see that I had caterpillars for eyebrows.

I have very large pores that fill with dirt and oil like dermal tar pits. And most of those pores were active volcanos of pus at all times throughout my puberty.

My puberty lasted 14 years.

I used to sleep with Stri-dex pads on my face overnight.

I'd wake up with raw patches that were red and ready to make more zits. We didn't know any better.

And yes, that WAS Barry Manilow singing the jingle there.

Sea Breeze, Bonne Bell 10-0-6 lotion,

Does your skin feel "honest" to you? Does it?

Oxi-pads, Noxema, Clearasil,

I tried them all. They all failed.  Zits surrounded by ravaged red peeling skin. Looked painful and contagious. Like I needed to be on my own separate colony.

So I would cover the zits up with makeup. Makeup like Maybelline's cover stick that looked like a beige lipstick. You were supposed to put it on your zits to cover them up. I just ended up with a thick, yellowish bumps all over my face that made me look kind of like orangey tapioca pudding. And not in a good way.

So while I pity the next generation's burden of cleaning up the environment, managing worldwide food and water shortages and the inevitable pandemic that kills us all, I'm still pretty ticked off that they seem to have dodged the pimple bullet.

They'll never have to scrape their skin raw with a Clearasil "Buff Puff", which is basically steel wool with a handle and maybe some soap in it.  Lucky little shits.

Sunday, 8 December 2013

Stuff And Such

Forgive me, Internet, for I have been lazy. It has been two months since my last blog.

I'd like to be able to tell you that my bloggish absence has been due to a round the world trip, or that I've adopted a baby and have been super busy wiping it's bum, or that I'm finishing up that novel I've been working on. None of the above.

Fact is, I am a lazy ass.

But I have been doing, I don't know, stuff, I guess.

So here's a quick run thru what I've been up to while you've all been super waiting time action party.

1. Took in a stray cat. Named him Wayne. Spent the equivalent of the GNP on fixing him up to make him presentable.

                             BEFORE: Infected eyes, super skinny, super bitey.


                                Scabby eyes,  swollen lip (someone is allergic     to fish. Really?).

Had to have his super impressive cat testicles removed. I'd never seen cat balls before. They're crazy!

                             Yes, those were cat balls at the beginning there. I know.

                             Now he's all perfect. Perfect eyes, normal mouth. Still bitey.

 He has a pink nose.

2. Did another walk for Farm Sanctuary. Again, my friends helped me to be the number one fund raiser for Toronto.

3. Continuing to volunteer for I have had to find a lot of images of turmeric. A lot. I'm thinking of suggesting to Dr. Greger (the guru of to change the name of his site to because there is a great deal of info on turmeric there. Apparently, it's good for you.

photo of turmeric by h-bomb/Flickr

4. Did a couch to 5k program to kick start myself back into running. Am currently running about 25-30 miles per week and feel so so so much better. I don't love running, but I love having finished running. My times are slower than they were a few years ago when I was running regularly. I'm saying it's due to aging. Right?

5. I continue to do laundry.

6. I have taken up eating mixed nuts. It's kind of a hobby, kind of a craft, you know. Just seeing where it takes me.

7.  I stubbed my toe really bad that time.

8. Discovered the joy of listening to podcasts while I run. These are some that I've listened to, and they really do make the time go faster.

9. I went for a latte with Ryan.

10. Just today I cleaned out my dishwasher's filter for the first time in 6.5 years. I think you're supposed to do it more often than that. It was basically a solid mass of goo made up of bits of paper, grape stems and apple stickers. I wish I'd taken a photo because it was really horrific and you probably want to see that, right? Sorry gang.

11. Have done some Christmas shopping. I'm sort of meh about Christmas these days. Once I see my mommy next week, though, all will be better.

I did some other stuff too.

But seriously, I have no idea what to blog about these days. So I give you scraps. So sorry. I love you. I love you like I loved that guy in the "67" t-shirt at Saints Roller Rink in Winnipeg, 1979 (Garden City Saints location). He never wanted to skate with me to "Sad Eyes". He had perfect hair. I think he smoked.

That is all.