Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Ryan's Marmalade

After much, much, much badgering, Ryan is not going to start up his blog, Crsipybits at this time.

This is bull#%$^ people! We need to come together to make it happen. I get mad when Ryan doesn't blog. Or when he doesn't do what I want him to do. Which is write his blog and come on vacations with my husband and me.

I know that probably sounds like my husband and I take Ryan on our vacations because he is our sex companion. He is not our sex companion.

Oo, you caught us by surprise!

But we can dream can't we?

Anyway. Fine, then, Ryan. If you're not going to re-boot Crispybits, I'm going to do it.

So ladies and gentemen, I give you:


Hi I'm Ryan and I'm super excellent. I'm going to show you people how to make marmalade.

Today we're going to make my jam-tasctic marmalade that I got from a super fancy recipe book from a different country so don't even try to find it and If I give you the recipe, it will be a scanned photo that's hard to read, so just shut up and sit back and watch me do my magic because you can't touch this, you stupid, stupid person.

First you need to plan for 3 different types of marmalade and prep them so that they are at 3 different stages in the process of cooking. This makes it easy to show your friends how to make marmalade and makes me look more like a cooking show host. WHICH I AM!

Then you get your friends to cut up a bunch of oranges, put in some sugar and a splash of booze.

she is only fake laughing.

Boil the sweet heck out of them. The oranges. Not your friends.

Also boil  some jars.

Put the liquid gold into these jars.

Action shots show how dynamic is this process, when you are me.

Here, eat some of these snacks to keep you fortified so you can....

Clean up, you bitches!

I make the 17 month pregnant woman do the hard chores.

Here's some homemade soda bread that I veganized so that pernickety bitch-pants Reid can have some.

I am amazing. And dangerous.

And VOILA, you have marmalade.

The recipe is from Christine Ferber's, Mes Confitures. That's French for My Jams, in case you were wondering. This particular recipe takes 3 days to complete because why even BOTHER doing something that doesn't take that long. Jesus, I am amazing.

So, there you have it. Marmalade. I made it, you enjoy it, you worship me. It's just the way it is. And ever shall be.

Until next time,


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