Just Shod Me.

It is super hard to be me. Have I mentioned that?


I know I said I wasn't going to talk about vegan stuff all the time, but it's kind of on my mind a lot. The food part has been pretty easy. It's the rest that is taking some effort (and you know how I feel about making an effort).


But, I am committed to doing this.


I have a lot of leather shoes. I'm not going to throw them away, Mom, so stop right there. But I do want to get a couple pairs of vegan shoes to support the industry and for when I do vegan activities, like tree hugging, levitating, and curing cancer just by walking in a room.


There are actually a lot of places that sell vegan friendly shoes. And because they aren't made with leather, they are usually pretty inexpensive.


Unfortunately, few of them have options for ladies with feet like mine. Epic feet. Feet of size. Grand feet. Big Beautiful Feet. People for the Acceptance of Large Feet.


People like me.

And my feet aren't even that that big. Like, size 11.  So I should be able to find some decent options. What about my sisters of the size 12 and beyond? Are they supposed to wear old banana peels and recycled bread bags on their feet in order to accessorize fashionably, kindly and sustainably?

So after poking around the internet, here are a few of the size 11 options available in vegan shoes.

US Flag lace up boots by Pleaser. For the Vegan Wonder woman in all of us.

Iron Fist "Wolfbeater". Seriously. That's what they are called.

Dansko "clog" things. These are the shoes that you see at the end of the dangly Muppet legs when they are sitting on a wall or something. While I am drawn to their bright colour and whimsy, I am baffled as to how to make these work with any outfit or in any situation.

This puppet named Emily, can clearly rock those shoes.

I did end up finding a couple pairs at Planetshoes.com that weren't horrific. I don't know what I'll do come winter.

Chooze "Spin". I'm a wacky vegan because my shoes don't match.

These Merrell sandals I ordered say "Comfort" and "I've given up".

So apparently, my options are to be a patriotic prostitute, a pre-pubescent slipper wearing shuffler, a Muppet or a crystal sniffing Grandmother. Curse you, large feet! 


None of these are bad options, per se. I wonder what all four of those options combined would look like. I should ask Karl Lagerfeld. He'd know for sure.

nymag.com

Patriotic Prostitute: Check.
Muppet: Check
Crystal Sniffing Grandmother: Sort of. More like an Evil Wizard
Pre-pubescent Slipper Shuffler: No. Not that. More like an Evil Wizard.

Karl Lagerfeld does not make vegan shoes for women with big feet. Or vegan shoes period. He'd probably tell me my feet were too fat. Ha. Fine. Maybe they are, Karl, but you look like some one implanted a frog in your chin.


That was mean.


Sorry Karl. Make me some vegan shoes in size 11, oh Great Evil Wizard.