Thursday, 13 October 2011

Good Advice

I love getting good advice. I don’t mean like, don’t take any wooden nickels kind of advice, although it is pretty damned good advice when you think of it. I mean, I’d be living in a cardboard box if I did that, right? I am pretty gullible. And wooden nickels are pretty sweet. Good thing someone, at some point told me, “Ellen, be sure that you do not take any wooden nickels”.  Here, in today’s blog, I am giving thanks for all the excellent advice I’ve been given over the years, from friends, family and strangers. These words of wisdom saved me many miseries, large and small. 

1. “Don’t wear pleats. They make you look wide” - Peter Brown, my history professor at the U of Winnipeg in 1985.

2. Be sensible. Sheila is knowledgeable in all things sensible. She tells me how to be sensible.

3. “Plastic ruins the taste of soda. Drink soda only from cans or glass bottles.”  - Wayne

4. “You don’t have to wear your bra overnight” - Mom

5. “Never underestimate the impact of a classy handbag”. - Sarah

6. “When being photographed, don’t hold your arms close to your body”. Makes them look like ham hocks. - Amber

7. Good manners count. “If you say please, you can have popcorn”. - Dad

8. I can pee whenever I want, I just have to say the word - Brad Roberts.

9. I tend to accessorize like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. 
Megan sets me straight.

10.  Lipstick is not eyeshadow. It doesn’t matter what you see in Seventeen Magazine.  - Karen.

11.  Telling lies will NOT get you what you want. 
"No one believes that the mini-fridge is  calling to you, telling you to open it. You can’t have another chocolate." - Grandma Reid.

12. “Save your money.” -  my Accountant.

13.  “You’ll know what to do when the time comes”. Cynthia.
14. I have questionable fashion sense. My friend Ryan is very diplomatic about telling me to rethink an outfit before I leave the house. His words of advice? 

15.  “You should do this thing. All wives do. It’s good for our marriage”. Brian.
I can't draw a picture of that one. It's too complicated. And I don't know how to draw certain things.


I love giving advice, too. Here is my advice to you everyone. You’re welcome:
Skinny jeans are not flattering on anyone.  No one on the face of the earth - other than supermodels. Everyone else looks like their legs have been stuffed in to denim tubes. And not in a pretty way.  Sorry. It’s true.

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given? I mean, aside from me telling you not to wear skinny jeans unless you are a super model. Do you have any advice for me? I like advice. Keep it clean. My mother reads this.


  1. I got a good one, Elpoo.

    It's from Ice-T. One of my hereoes.

    He told the story of how he got his record deal. Some record executives wanted to string him along before cutting a deal by having him cut a few demos and see how things went. He told them, "No."

    He said, "you're either going to sign me right here and now because you believe in me or you're not. If I were selling grenades in a back alley, you want me to explode one to see if they are legit. And if it explodes, then you'll want me to explode another one. No. You either believe my grenades explode and you buy them or you don't and we move on."

    The record executives signed him and said, "Hey kid, you're pretty good at executive sales. Have you done sales in business before?"

    Ice-T said, "No, but I've sold grenades in back alleys."

    After hearing that story, I don't explode my grenades for anyone. They either believe they'll explode or they don't.


  2. When I was a kid, my friend's mother told us:
    "Don't worry about being yourself. Being yourself is over-rated. You go ahead and be whoever you want to be."


  3. If you can solve a problem by throwing money at it, do so.

  4. Going back to my first day as a boss said to me, "I know you're going to steal from me, just don't think (treat me like) I'm stupid".

    Didn't understand it at the time, did within two weeks.

    Today, I look at some student stringing me a line and you think I'm stupid? or just naive?

    Keith (who signs in Anonymously)

  5. I'm throwing my skinny jeans out....

  6. From my Dad: Don't measure yourself using other people's standards. Set your own and then strive to reach them.

    But the skinny jeans one is good, too. ;)


  7. @RogerMartini - that's the U.S. military's policy in Iraq.

    That's amazing advice from Brad. He can give that one out to the nurses at his nursing home.

  8. Judge Judy says: "if the story does not make sense, it's not true." I love that one.

    beware the person that says, "I love you" constantly. It usually means that they really don't. Talk is cheap.

  9. You are right, Juni. If someone REALLY loves you they will buy you things from Tiffany. Otherwise they are just stringing you along so that you will take care of their dogs while they are out at photo shoots with models and gorging at craft services.

  10. Some great advice that works for me in life is: "If things are icky, just close your eyes because then you disappear and are invisible and nothing bad can happen." This doesn't work perfectly if one is driving a vehicle. But voila! Therein lies another little tidbit of wisdom: Nothing's perfect.

  11. When I was fifteen and volunteering at summer camp and bitching about the hard work clearing trees, an adult friend who had to listen to the my complaining told me that the only way to get through life's unpleasant tasks......and there are many! that you need to find something, no matter how small, that is enjoyable or a challenge to get through it. Sounded like crap at the time but years later it is now my mantra. Because frankly there are many boring, unpleasant tasks in life.

  12. "Just come out, already! You're not fooling anyone."

  13. Way back in, like Grade 5 or 6, you warned me to watch out for flocks of flying turtles, because they would lay eggs on me. Thanks to your sage advice and my constant vigilance ever since, not once have flying turtles ever laid eggs on me.