Wednesday, 23 May 2012


It's been a week since my last post. Better late than never, right? Or maybe that's the opposite of what you were thinking. If so, go back to your witch's coven and finish what you started. You know what I mean. Don't play dumb.

Anyway, I was in Manitoba visiting her Royal Highness, Mom The Grammatical, and when we drove out to the Winnipeg Airport to send me back to the centre of the known universe (Toronto), we passed an abandoned building with a vast deserted parking lot that I remember well from my early university days.

Yes. This building once housed that super awesome and excellent Winnipeg night club, "Valentino's".

It's the green roof building. it used to have a neon sign saying "Valentinos". Appropriate, given that the club was named.... Valentino's.

So I've already mentioned, ad nauseam that I am panty weight when it comes to partying, but my friend Karen and I used to go to Valentino's about once a month, just to dance. We'd spend hours getting ready (getting ready was probably the most fun) and then we'd drive out McPhillips Highway to get funky with the rare 80's vibe that rocked Valentino's every night.

We didn't drink. We would have diet coke all night. And we also didn't tip. I couldn't understand why no one wanted to serve us. We were nice girls, and friendly, weren't we?

We also had no idea that the place was basically a mecca for coke dealers and prostitutes.

We were likely the only people who frequented that place that were really only there to have fun. Our favourite song to dance to was "Crush On You" by The Jets. Yep. We really did give 'er.

At one point I briefly dated a guy who worked at the club in some capacity. He was probably 10 years older than I and a good foot shorter, but I was pretty fat and weird looking so I was flattered that anyone wanted to be seen with me. He even showed me off. I was like his huge golden State Fair prize winning pumpkin that he paraded around the club. He had a lot of chest hair and had a thick accent that I think may have been Italian. 

yes, he DID look slightly evil.

He was probably pretty exasperated that I would never have sex with him. It's just that I wasn't all that attracted to him or interested in anything he had to say.

In fact, one day he just showed up at the University of Winnipeg and found me in the big cafeteria. I saw him pulling up in his weird little car and I felt my gut clench. In my head I screamed, in slow motion, "Noooooooooo!".

I was humiliated. I did NOT want anyone to see me with this guy. Not the kindest of reactions, but it was only at that point that I discovered that I should not date someone who has nothing in common with me, to whom I am not attracted or because I have such low self esteem that I am willing to overlook those things just to be able to say "Hey, look see, I've got a boyfriend. Ergo, I am normal".  When I saw this fellow as I imagined my ego-healthy friends would see him, I gave him the rather unceremonious boot. I felt a little (not very much at all, really) guilty, but then I thought, what the hell does this guy want with a nerdy university student who clearly will not be having sex with him any time soon, who doesn't drink, who doesn't really have anything in common with him and who is a decade his junior?

So, or course Karen and I could never go back to Valentino's again. This was probably a good thing. 


  1. "I was pretty fat and weird looking so I was flattered that anyone wanted to be seen with me. He even showed me off. I was like his huge golden State Fair prize winning pumpkin that he paraded around the club"

    You are so funny! I absolutely love these lines. What a great bit of writing

    1. I am so flattered that you think so, Mr. Gweenbrick. I'm a fan of your blog. I especially like your one eyebrow and brain.

  2. Wow... parallel lives, well almost - freaky!

    1. what? you were a loser, too? I doubt that.

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