Sunday, 13 November 2011

Mini Me

Although I try and try and try, I will never be cool. I can not fight the deep vein of twee that runs like a raging river through my soul. There are multiple examples of my inclination toward all things grandmotherly peppered throughout this blog. From needlepoint to tea parties, from cat love to craft cave, I swim deep in the seas of pathetic preciousness.

I want to be all Yoko Ono and arty and live in a minimalist glass house overlooking the bleak ocean.

But we know it’s a cottagey existence for me. Full of too many things to dust and a vague smell of urine.
Nothing illustrates this more than my endless fascination with miniatures. 
I love tiny things that are replicas of bigger things. Like houses.

or teapots

or entire communities.

My mom, Ryan, Peter and I went to Cullen Gardens right before it closed down for good. It was kinda miserable. Raining and things that had fallen over weren’t put back right. lots of tiny cows fallen in their mini pastures. I did, however, get to live out a long time fantasy:

I used to collect Deptartment 56 miniature buildings. I had to get rid of them when we moved into the house as there was no room for them any more. And frankly, they were nice and all, but just Not Miniature Enough.

I’d love to have a room devoted to miniatures. Displays upon displays. Like a museum, but it’s in my house and no one else gets to see it.

A doll house inside an Asian cupboard? Help me Sweet Jesus!
Dutch dollhouses used to be in cabinets, not in house-like things. I could maybe do that and not be considered a dweeb, plus it’s a Dutch thing and I love all things Dutch. 
This is the Petronella Oortman doll house in the Rijks museum in Amsterdam.

Look at some of this crazy business. People go ape-shit for this stuff.

I KNOW! A mini needlepoint set. How is anything so awesome possible

modern dollhouse. Super excellence.

Add caption

Queen Mary's Dollhouse.

I also am totally charmed by miniature train set ups. A room devoted to this, too, would be pretty cool, but would pretty much seal my fate as dying alone and not ever having sex again.

Check out this crazy amazing train set in Hamburg. It’s.... it’s crazy....

Perhaps I love all these tiny things because I needed an extra 5 or 6 years of childhood. I wasn’t finished at 8. I needed more time with my Fisher Price toys. 

Dollhouse miniatures are a (semi) grown up replacement for Fisher Price Toys that I still want to play with them. Take them with me everywhere. On holiday, even. 

But I can’t play with them because Brian would totally leave me or probably more likely steal my Fisher Price toys and play with them and then blow them up because he’s a guy.

Or maybe it is ok. Lots of losers out there like dollhouses.

Grown ups like dollhouses, according to my source, Mr. Internet. 

At least some grown ups do.

I still want to play with them. See? (I’ll warn you, this is kinda boring).

Yes. I realize I misspelled Werewolf on that little movie thing. I tried to fix it and then got bored of trying to fix it. 

Actually Sarah didn’t die from the Werewolf of London.
She was decapitated by the Weird Cat of Toronto. Threw her off the top of the Great Toronto China Cabinet.


  1. Actually Ellen, the Dutch dollhouses from the 17th and 18th century were proof of status, only for the rich... Every little piece of furniture was handcrafted, real paintings - if you could afford it by a Dutch masterpainter, and super detailed dolls to represent the family that owned the dollhouse.
    NOT to play with, these beautiful things.
    That only started in the second half of the 19th century.

  2. I love you crazy Dutch people so much.
    I wouldn't play with my Dutch Dollhouse. I'd just look at it and maybe rearrange things. Brian would probably put a GI Joe in there.
    He's weird. You're cool, because you are Dutch.

  3. Haha I'm not into GI Joe, but still a man, I break a lot of things. A LOT OF THINGS, according to my wife
    Not very cool that is.
    And old...
    And ugly...

  4. What's weird... Rebecca is obsessed with giant versions of things. Like giant unusable cutlery.

  5. I would never flash the guards at Buck. Palace. An unsuspecting trucker, maybe. Damn artistic license! Xox Sarah

  6. We had so much fun on that trip. Too bad about breaking all that stuff at Westminster Abby and being mauled by the Werewolf and all.

  7. Ok, love your blog, never read any blog, you're my first, love it. First entry I read was Plan B, loved it. Then Queen Jealousy, brilliant. The thing with Feist & The Muppets? No, that should have been ME! Anyways, this miniature thing is a little weird, though. But it's ok. Is it the mere size of things? If so, you should check out this brit named Willard Wigan. He makes like a tiny Hulk that fits on the tip of a pin, sometimes inhales his work while working on it, controlles his heartbeat for precision, you'll go ape shit. Would love to have fancy coffee with you & Ross at Bulldog Coffee some time, but: Love from Berlin, Germany

  8. OMG, Berlin Person, That Willard Wigan is the best stuff ever. You are correct. I did indeed go ape shit and I will seek out his stuff further. Crazy awesomeness.

    The whole fascination with miniatures is probably because I am a big girl and I wish I was a wee thing. It's like the biggest tallest men always by Mini cars and the smallest shortest men buy the Cadillacs. Grass is greener.

    I loved going to Berlin when we toured in Europe. Our promoter always took us to the best restaurants.

    Thanks for checking out my blog. You are feeding my rampant narcissism. And for that I thank you.

  9. You are so welcome. Please keep doing it. I laughed so hard when I read your "Apocalypse. Now? Really?" entry. Even got a fabric pen out and made myself a T shirt with this headline. However, I mean, let's not kid ourselves here, I would totally go with survivalist team mate A, but it would break my heart until the end of time to leave you behind.

    PS: Yes, Berlin is fantastic, a lot of fun in the summer, all about endurance in winter (which is now).