Monday, 23 January 2012

Bad Things That Could Potentially Happen To Me.

After years of being on the road and playing the same songs over and over, I hate to have to admit it to you, but sometimes, you know, you just kinda go on auto pilot. While you are having a fabulous retro moment swaying back and forth to Mmm Mmm Mmm thinking “I was 2 years old when this song came out”, I’m thinking “I wonder if they have free breakfast at the hotel” or “Will I be able to blame this fart on Dan”, or, most often, “Hmm, wonder what kinds of freak accidents could befall me while doing regular mundane activities.
I thought about that last one a lot. I still do. It’s part of what makes me, “Me”. So very imaginative, neurotic, and unlikely to sky dive.
I have thought about these potential calamities, frequently, and although none of them have ever occurred (knock injection molded plastic) they still might happen. And when they do, I will be able to say “I told you so”. But you might not be able to make out what I’m saying though my full body cast and morphine induced slobber slur.

Here are some of the things I worry about:

Other top real or imagined threats are quicksand, sink holes, having a spider lay eggs under my skin, getting a perm, norovirus, ingrown toenails and ruptured ovarian cysts.

I’m a frightened woman.


  1. Oh good, it's not just me.

    I fear opening the freezer and somehow hitting my eye, getting it stuck to the door a la Flick and the flagpole in 'A Christmas Story'.

    Glad to hear I'm not the only one with odd neuroses.

  2. Oh, I hear you about getting eyeballs stuck onto things. There are hazards everywhere. I'm glad that we don't have a garbage disposal unit because I would for SURE get my arm stuck down it and accidentally turn it on.

  3. ...Not to mention the near misses when you think to yourself, "Oh thank God I didn't have an irrational unexplained urge to jump in front of that bus!" How many times have I avoided disaster by not stepping off a cliff, tasting a burning ember or jumping in front of a bus!

  4. I've always been afraid to mow the lawn. I was scared that my feet would slip under the mower and get cut off.

  5. wood chippers. i don't go near 'em.

    jules xo

  6. the stairs, the stairs, the stairs! all. the. time.

  7. Don't Forget being struck by the bus crossing the street and having your parachute fail to open as well as the backup chute