Wednesday, 11 January 2012

If I Had 50 Million Dollars - Travel Edition

As a person who is both a nester and an agoraphobic, travel is not the thing that pops to mind when I think of things I like to do. Travel, to me, has either meant work, or stress, or valium. Usually all of the above. Despite my fears and inertia, there are a few places I would like to see before I die, or become too infirm to experience fully, whichever comes first. Of course, I want to do it in style and the first thing I must do is have Brian win the lottery. Then my journey (journeys) can begin.
India is pretty much on everyone’s “to see” list, isn’t it?

my current obsession, peacocks. They are found in India, sometimes.

 I mean it’s got so much going for it - food, culture, history. The only reasons I haven’t yet gone are financial and fear of getting diarrhea, which is as likely to happen in Toronto as there, I suppose, but one hears stories, and one is a hypochondriac. 
I would want to see all the regular things - I’m not much of an adventuress, as you’ve no doubt figured out by now. The Taj Mahal, Delhi, Jaipur. But I would also like to go there to buy stuff. A lot of stuff. I would go shopping while I sent Brian to this place:

Who doesn't want a government authorized bhang!

Here’s what I would buy if I went to India.
Fabric to make stuff with after Ryan teaches me how to sew.

perfect bedspread. Not sure about the other stuff.

Spices to cook with.

Jewelry to be fabulous in.

Ceramics to be dazzled by.

Various doodads and whatnot. And religious stuff.

And then I’d look around a bit at temples and elephants and stuff.

Another place I’d love to go is this place in Polynesia where you live in a hut over the water and waiters bring you your room service via little canoes.

This place, to me, is the ultimate in luxury resort. I can’t imagine anything more tranquil and peaceful than being in a room over the ocean where there are no dogs barking at me and no treadmill mocking me.
hotel Bora-Bora

 The only issue with those huts over the water is that I’d have to pee all the time. And I don’t know how accessible the malls would be. Are the malls over water too?  Plus Brian might have a beer or two and fall into the ocean, too drunk to tread water.

 And I’ll just get up to no good because I’ve spent a pretty penny to get here dammit and I’m gonna do whatever the hell I want, never mind your stupid local Bora-Bora-Boring laws!

And how about the Netherlands. 

Although I’ve been there a few times with the band, I always felt rushed. I will admit that the Netherlands is pretty much my favourite country. If I could speak the language, I’d live there, I think I’ve mentioned before. But it’s too crazy. 

So on my Netherlands lottery vacation I’d go to the Van Gogh museum which I never got to see,

 I’d send Brian on a tour of the Heineken brewery, 

while I went shopping at my favourite Dutch stores:



ok this store is their only NA location in Las Vegas of all places. 


and Amsterdamian malls. 

malls are classy in Europe-land.

I’d also buy about 1000 tiny ceramic houses that you buy in gift shops there.

I bought one every time I went to Amsterdam, so I had 4 but then the guy who was painting my spare room here broke one. So I guess I’d better get back to the Netherlands, zeer binnenkort.
I’d want to also hit the Alkmaar Cheese Market


because I freaking love cheese. We’d also have to go to Gouda, known as the Capital of Cheese because, as my brother in law said:
He really said that.

 They grow their girls big over there so I’d buy a shwack of shoes. 

these are not the shoes I'd buy. Necessarily.

It's nice to be in The Netherlands where people mistake me for a local. Where girls are big and ride bikes. Where people drink coffee. Not like here in Canada. 

Now we've talked about my love of China and all things Chinese. I would love to go to China on a highly structured and scheduled tour. I'd want to see the terra cotta warriors,

I'd want to go on the hug-a-panda trip ( I think i've mentioned)

if this doesn't make you cry with happiness then you are made of stone and are a devil

I'd want to buy this stuff:

snuff bottle.

Of course some jewelry!

In Jade:

Pearls? But of course. I'm a 50 millionaire!

And then I'd go see some temples, walls  and mountains and stuff.

And then I'd go home and pick up dog poop, vacuum up dog poop, make shake and bake and needlepoint. That would be a relief, as I'd be very tired after all that shopping and sight seeing. And then I'd remember that I'd left Brian behind in the Bhang house. 


  1. at first glance i thought the fellow at the forefront of netherlands cheese market photo was holding his nose and i didn't think that was a good thing. necessarily...

    will you take me fabric shopping with you?

    jules xo

  2. In fact, I insist you come fabric shopping with me.

  3. Dear little Dutch girl, (I'll play along)

    The Van Gogh Museum is life changing, do go.

    Brian can't drink before going to the Heineken brewery because you have to be in the door of the brewery well before noon.

    Don't forget to rent a water taxi to circumnavigate the canals and be a tourist all evening. Bring food, drink and pandas.


  4. Elpoo The huts over the water I am willing to travel with you and Brian there (You pay of Course) and once Brian drunkenly falls in water and drowns and you jump off roof of the hut I will gladly stay there and ejoy tranquility on your behalf (Sorry I will not be retreiving neither of you from the water) I do get the pee thing you were refering to though I suppose i will eventually overcome that When do we leave I can be in TO later today!!!!!!!

  5. Lisa Wells said:

    Excellent choices Ellen! Tell you what. If I win the lottery, I'll take you with. Brian too. I can't think of many things better than an awesome travel vacation, except an awesome travel vacation with hilarious people. I hope you win the lottery too.

  6. Hmmm, who to take with me, Kathryn or Lisa? The one who would watch me drown with a broken neck, or the one who would take me with her if she won the lottery...

  7. Hey you,ve got a pretty good idea of our little country! Do go to the Rijksmuseum when you're here, to see the dollhouses.
    Yep, coffee, cheese and of course chocolate hail (hagelslag). Not to forget zillions of people, all riding bikes..
    And let me know, I'll get you a pair of wooden shoes size 12 haha.
    You don't need a dictionary, ziens zeer binnenkort
    We love to see you come

    Cheers Marcel