Friday, 27 January 2012

Foodie Friday: Coffee. How Do I Love Thee?

I love coffee. Coffee is the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about before I sleep. Brian knows not to ask me to choose between him and coffee. Although the lack of either would make me very sad, going without coffee makes me physically ill, while going without Brian would just make me feel bored. And I’d rather be bored than be heaving into the toilet with a migraine. 
I guess I could wean myself from my coffee addiction, and it is an addiction. I don’t think it’s necessarily cool to be addicted to coffee. But so far it has not impeded my ability to function in society or go about my daily activities. And I don’t have to rob a convenience store in order to buy my drug. Although I would, if it came right down to it.

I recently got this Bodum. 

Yes. It is gold. I had originally just gone in to get a replacement carafe, but.... it's gold.... and shiny. And Good God What Was I Supposed to DO? JUST WALK AWAY? 

I think there are three kinds of ways one can consume coffee. One can have a coffee; one can go for a coffee; one can take coffee.
Having a coffee is something you do at 6 am when you have to get ready to face the working day. You have a coffee in a meeting. You have a coffee while you walk on your way to the office or while driving your kid to hockey practice. Having a coffee is utilitarian: get this into my bloodstream asap so I do not scream at anyone. Communication is optional, and is usually carried on in grunts and gesturing.
Venues: Car, board room, kitchen, Tim Horton’s.


Going for coffee is something you do with Sarah or Ryan. You go to a place and you sit and you have a coffee that probably costs more than it should, but it doesn’t matter, because you are really also renting a chair in the cafe/restaurant as well, so it’s part of the deal. You go for a coffee when you will be visiting with your friend and talking about issues such as their fabulous recent weight loss, your unfabulous recent weight gain, celebrities, your out of control spending habits, Pinterest, their child’s antics, your husbands’ antics, how much you hate your dogs at the moment, food, fake nails, what the hell is it with Megan, and future craft night get togethers. Going for a coffee can involve lattes, with or without “art”. Muffins, scones, biscotti and chocolates are de rigour

I love muffins so much

Venues: Starbuck’s (and the like), fancier espresso joints a la Bulldog, Darkhorse, Jet Fuel.


Bulldog Cafe

Taking coffee is a much more refined affair. You can still take coffee with a friend, but that friend had better have cleaned up a bit. You too, Elpoo.

You take a coffee at a fancy hotel, or salon of some sort. You should probably wear a hat if you’re a lady, and a tie if you are a gentleman. 

Cafe Einstein, Berlin

Demel Cafe, Vienna

Hotel Sacher, Vienna

Sacher Torte, originated from Hotel Sacher in Vienna

Vienna coffee house

Austria, France and Eastern Europe are the best places to take coffee, although you could probably do well in Italy, although Italians more laid back elegance. Taking coffee requires a certain element of uptight elegance.
Savoy, Milan

Gran Caffe Quadri, Venice
Topics of conversation include hiring home decorators, general politics (nothing to weighty); acquaintances who are having sex affairs; hair dressers; your upcoming holiday in Italy (unless for some reason you are already in Italy and you will talk about your upcoming holiday in “America”);
 Coffee. Cream. Sugar cubes. And pastries. 
There are no lattes. No foamy designs. No muffins.
Coffee shops in The Netherlands do not count. Sorry Marcel.
There is no hierarchy of coffee. Certain times call for specific manners of consumption of God’s Bean. And sometimes, you’re just desperate, so you’ll go to Tim Horton’s. 
However you enjoy your coffee, I hope you do so in good company, as I am fortunate enough to do on many occasions. Go ahead. Have the muffin.


  1. In my world, there are two types of coffee. The swill necessary to get caffeine into my system as quickly as possible which can be mixed with cream and enough sugar to kill a diabetic from 20 paces, and the high quality stuff that should be taken black and sipped with the pinky extended.

    Interestingly, most places that it would be considered gauche to consume a beverage carries no such stigma when it comes to coffee. I think that's because most people realize that someone drinking coffee is doing so out of courtesy - they are trying to balance the blood / caffeine level so as to not kill random strangers.

    While I've never had the natural stuff, I have had synthetic weasel-poo coffee. That is definitely pinky out coffee and is some of the best java I have ever consumed. Highly recommended if you ever get a chance and aren't freaked out about the thought that you're drinking beans that have traveled through a cat's butt.

  2. Robb, I have heard tell of this cat poop brew and I am intrigued.
    Anything about the cat's butt is awesome. Or at least that's what my cat tells me.

  3. You're completely right Ellen!
    For all your readers: In a coffee shop we buy narcotics ;-) and it's legal. Ask for a coffee and you wil losse all your money immediatly! (if they haven't taken it already on the way from the airport to Anmsterdam haha

  4. Mmmmmm.............
    Sacher Torte.
    And it only tastes right when it comes from their kitchen.
    I prefer to take mine on the sidewalk, facing the Opera, fighting off the chocolate addicted birds.
    Oh yeah, and just a touch of coffee too.

  5. Elpoo - Magic Cat coffee -

    All the flavor with none of the associated feline colon!